Why not be honest?

SS is driving me crazy, I need to get out of the house.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

You do your own thing, your DH assumes you're cheating or lying or whatever, you tell him it's his kid, he claims you hate them, everything simmers for a while...

Wash, rinse, repeat. At some point this rollercoaster will come to a stop. I'm hoping it happens when you're at the station where you can get off and be done (with whatever "done" looks like for you).

Are you in love with this guy?

Dang girl.. your DH really sounds like a jerk.

My answer would be "No DH, I am not cheating on you, BUT.. you know I am not a fan of the noise and chaos that comes into our home when the boys are here.  Since you don't want to teach them to be better behaved, I figure that when they are here for visitation I can kill two birds with one stone.  I can get a break from the noise and headache and I get a chance to go see my relatives without boring you guys with that.  Your kids are here to see YOU not ME.  So, I don't see why you would have a problem with me going to see my dad or grandfather.  Now, if you really want to go all out and get tracking applications on EACH OTHER'S phones.. let's go for it.  I will enjoy being able to track your every move.. just like you apparently feel like you need to track MINE!"

If skids are being rude disrespectful little shits and arsehole, you tell your darling hubby that. Don’t feel bad, yes he may sulk and stuff but when he settles down he can’t deny his kids are rude. When they are screaming and shouting feel free to tell them off or tell your hubby “excuse me, have you not heard that racket going on? Are you going to tell your kids to be quiet or are you gonna let them scream?”

if he makes excuses “oh they’re just being kids and playing games” tell him they are giving you a headache and that behaviour is uncalled for

my biggest issue with my hubby was he needed to take responsibility for his kids behaviour and lack of respect because he enabled that. There was no palming off to me “oh if you see something wrong feel free to discipline”. So while hubby was at work he would get a load of messages and he would address his sons behaviour directly messaging or calling him from work even to the point where he had to argue with his son to only answer back with excuse “i’m stressed” from his invented imaginary stress syndrome. 

Hubby always caved in and gave up. Constant nagging from me eventually led hubby to take it personal with his stepsons behaviour and emotional abuse and disrespect and thats when hubby saw it from my point of view, i’m not the enemy but we need to have consistency at home because we have 2 young kids together, you simply can’t have where skids have 1 rule and your kids another, there must be a degree of consistency with regards to discipline

OMG. Why does he NEED you to be there when the skids are there? Why does he NEED to go with you everywhere AND bring the skids? Is it because he doesn't want to be left alone with HIS children?

If you don't want to say, "I'm not cheating DH. I simply don't want to be around your obnoxious kids." then say, "DH, the skids are here to spend quality time with YOU; not me. I want to spend some quality time with my grandfather while he's still here."

This is just a lot of drama for nothing. Just tell him the truth and do what you want to do. 

There was a while in our first year together (documented somewhere in my early blogs) about how I was fed up with the insanity and was dining out by myself for dinner.  I'd have a lovely meal with a glass of wine, read my book at a local restaurant.  I told DH straight up I needed some time by myself to do this, and here's why:  OSD, YSD, chaos.

OSD thought I was cheating on him (she was 10!) and sent out an email stating so to her friends.  DH was worried about that - I told him that well, it's not true, you know it.  And if any other parents believe a 10 yo point of view, too bad on them, they are the idiots.

I came back when I was ready but that was a good thing as it gave me the ability to say 'no.'  Tell him why, nicely and factually.  If he doesn't listen it's on him.  He does not get to dictate your time.

Nothing more unattractive than an insecure man who blames everything else but doesn't look internally. Its his lack of parenting that has you leaving the house. You need to be honest with him and if he can't handle the truth than he needs a good dose of reality to slap him in the face. At the end of the day these are his KIDS. Its like he wants you to suffer in the misery with him because of his lack of parenting.

Keep doing what you do for your own sanity....he can take his insecurities and talk to a therapist about them.