Women do it all the time in abusive relationships. Why would it be any different for men?

Why people stay?  Why people stay too long? there are a bunch of reasons and many of them overlap.

Could he be lying?  Perhaps and probably to a certain extent about being with the EX to begin with.  Look, he didn't create two kids with someone he ALWAYS was repulsed with and hated.  I don't buy it.  Does he hate her now?  Is he embarassed to admit he ever cared for her or ever had good times with her.. probably.

But, also, look at all the posters on here who come back time after time with the same stories of misery brought to them by their SO's.  Obviously it isn't only men who stay in a relationship past the expiration date.

Fear of change.  Financial Security. Conflict avoidance, False hope and heads in the sand can also factor into the reason why people stay.  not just men.  You for example seem to have problem after problem that are rooted in your husband and how he parents (I won't blame the kids for his poor parenting.. they do what they are allowed to do)...yet you stay with him.  You let him treat you like crap and still you stay.  I guess the answer for you would also be that you have good in your relationship along with the bad.  You just have to decide where the tipping point is.

I know DH did... She literally would throw s*** at him, opened her legs for anyone that would come close enough, wouldn't even take care of the girls (aparently diaper rashes that last for 2 months and only changing a diaper one time during the day on a new baby is okay...)... But he kept rationalizing that "it's their mom, the girls love her, I don't want them to be from a broken home." He married her because she was pregnant with SD9 (also BM and BM's BM were blackmailing him... Threatening to run with SD9 and never let him see her again if he didn't marry her...), then they had SD5 for two reasons, for BM is was a "s*** he's forgiven me for cheating again, there's no way he'd leave me if I have another kid." And DH claims it was because he didn't want SD9 to have to play alone, but I'm fairly certain it was a "save the marriage" baby, something along the lines of, maybe if she gets another baby she'll magically become maternal and stop sleeping around and throwing things at me and taking out s*** in my name while I'm deployed... (BTW, that doesn't work)

So yes, I think men will stay in a miserable relationship. I think it's a mixture of not wanting the kids to be in the 'broken family' situation, thinking that being so manly they can "fix this," not wanting to fail at something, and probably a comfort thing, it may be all they've known, and the unknown can be scary, because once you leave, there are a LOT of variables. Plus let's be real, the court system can screw over the man, if he left, he may not be able to have much of a hand in raising his own kids, which is probably also terrifying.

I think that people get comfortable, even in a miserable environment. Change is really hard for some people, harder when there's kids involved.

He may have been miserable but he knew what to expect, day to day, and he could be with his kids everyday.

Having more kids in that situation is something that I don't understand, but it happens. People have unprotected sex with people they don't love, all of the time.

A good friend of mine just had another baby with his wife. A wife that he rarely agrees with regarding the parenting of their children. A wife that he says he would have probably divorced if they didn't have kids.

Why does he stay? Because he doesn't want to miss time with his kids. Why did he have another kid? Because he is faithful to his wife, hadnt gotten laid in a while, and slept with her when she told him it was "safe" after going months without any. She then later said "no, I knew I was ovulating".

DH had YSS because he was young, dumb, and BM wanted a little brother for OSS. If you ask DH, he'll tell you that their relationship wasn't great at the time, but it seemed like the thing to do. Hindsight being 20/20, he realizes that things were MUCH worse than he saw at the time, but he did love BM and loved his family, even if it wasn't healthy.

No one has multiple kids without having at least some positive feelings towards the person they are procreating with. Your DH can say a million times that he NOW hates BM, but at one point, he liked her enough to at least double-dip. He can say he hated her then, too, and that he has always hated her, but he does that either for your benefit, his benefit, or both.

My DH loved BM but hates who she has turned into. The woman she is now is not the woman he thinks he married. Whether she has actually changed or not isn't the issue. It's his PERCEPTION of her that has changed, and as much as he might wish it, he can't erase the fact that he loved BM at one point. Your DH is probably similar - he may hate her now, but at some point, he at least liked her.

Yes, my DH stayed with BM just to protect SS & BM's bio-son from BM's rage-out episodes. Ultimately, she cheated & DH left, but he definitely stayed a few years past the Sell By date. It's heartbreaking the abuse DH lived through & SS grew up with. BM's oldest is a full-blown unemployed couch-surfing addict/dealer, which is also heatbreaking. 

My SO was willing to stay in a marriage where BM cheated repeatedly, and live in a separate bedroom, in order to keep the family together for the kids.  Lucky for him, BM was not willing to do that.  I don't think he even considered the example of marriage they'd be showing to their children - he just couldn't stand the thought of not being with his kids whenever he wanted to be.  No doubt he'd still be there if she hadn't left him.  As for the two kids - neither was planned, and they got married when she got pregnant with the older one.  But they're adults and were aware that kids can result when you have sex.

I think it really depends on the person.  DH kicked BM2 out and called off their engagement (praise Jesus) when SS was maybe 6 months old? He KNEW, kid or not, that their relationship was NOT going to work.  He told me he'd get stuck working a double shift.... so 3rd shift and then someone would call in for 1st shift and he was a police officer, so we're not talking a cake job here... and he'd drag himself home and she'd be sitting there, after not working all day, and ask HIM what was for dinner.  BM2 is also a horrible bitch, very condesending, demanding and it's her way or the highway. DH is the type of person who is not going to stand for that, so he told her she should find her own place. 

Now with that said, he still took care of her for about 3 years after that... in that he'd help her pay her rent, he'd buy diapers and clothes and even bought her a cheap used car.. because he felt guilty and felt it was his "duty" because he had a kid with her.  But then he started wising up and realizing that she was taking advantage and pulling his puppet strings, if you will, and he stopped all that nonsense. He paid her support and that was the end of it. 

I do wonder though, if maybe sometimes men can be just like us women in that as horrible as the home situation may be they stay, because they fear for their kids being left with the BM without them there?? .

Yes, it seems to be very common.  I see why my DSO stayed in every post.  Afraid to leave kids with BM, knew he would lose his home and his kids, knew what the BM would put in the kids heads if he left, etc.

Funny thing is, BM left him for some random guy she met on the internet and that is when he filed for divorce.  Everything he was afraid of came true but in the end, he ended up with the skids and not her.