I loathe her existence....
So BM starts blowing up my DH's phone call him 6 times in a row. DH didn't answer the phone and sent a text to her saying please just text him unless it's an emergency. It wasn't an emergency BM just said she needed to talk to him. DH is sitting in front of her house ready to pick up the kids. BM pulls up and she is late of course as always and walks over to his truck. He tells him that YSS is sick and has a upper respiratory infection. DH said well did you take him to the doctor? She says not yet. Well how does she know that is what is wrong with him then?! She says that he needs to answer the phone when she calls. He just ignored her. I see what is going on now. My DH is totally afraid of BM I think and just lets her talk to him any way she pleases. I don't get why he won't say anything to her about the way she is to him but if I do something he doesn't like he sure as hell lets me know about it. There is ways of letting know how you feel and setting boundaries without being derogatory.
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Don't you think he's tried
Don't you think he's tried "saying something" about the way she treats him? If saying something would stop her nonsense, they would probably be raising their child together.
My DH left BM because she
My DH left BM because she couldn't keep her legs closed. I don't know why I am so insecure when it comes to things like this but I automatically build a wall and tell DH that he has no problem standing up to me but cannot stand up to her. Do you think I am just creating more drama by getting upset?
The drama is created if you
The drama is created if you try to push him to say something to her. You can be upset that she is a bitch to him, but there isn't anything you or he can do about that.
He has no problem standing up to you because perhaps you are more reasonable. And, of course, you can't punish him through his child if you don't like what he says.
Stop going to the exchanges and then you don't have to watch her treat him like scum while he does his best to ignore the whore. If you want to start drama over it...just stop going.
I don't go the the exchanges
I don't go the the exchanges anymore. DH just told me what happened when he got home. I guess I'm just different because if someone talked to me like BM to my DH then I would be telling them something.
Tank! I totally understand.
Tank! I totally understand. Same reason DH left BM... DH and I had a very nice heart to heart after he exploded on me because I got pissed BM went into the room we sleep in. Something about "it's for the kids! She is mom!" I snapped right there: "Told him to shut his mouth and talk to me when he remembers who his wife and is and who's home that is and if he thinks of anything good she's actually ever done for the girls." He shut up. I fumed for a few more hours, he apologized, and he hasn't snapped at me when it comes to her since. He even told her to stop last time she had a sob story.
You're going to have to talk to him about this mess. HCBMs like to add conflict to their ex and his wife's lives, I think they feel like it gives them a form of control and is like inserting themselves into the relationship. That doesn't stop until your DH realizes what the issue is and puts up the necessary boundaries to stop it.
However Kudos to your DH for not answering all her calls!
Thank you ProbablyAlready.
Thank you ProbablyAlready.
Your situation reminds me of
Your situation reminds me of my mess sometimes
I don't know tons (or much... It's chaos... lol) But at the very least I can sympathize and share what I got! 
Keep me updated?
I don't get why he won't say
I don't get why he won't say anything to her about the way she is to him
Because he knows it won't do any good. She does.not.care. He can't make her treat him with respect, it's a losing battle.
He CAN stick to his boundaries and not answer her calls, when he's made it clear that he does not want her calling him, but there is nothing he can do about the way that she talks to him, except be around her as little as possible and engage with her as little as possible.
I just couldn't let someone
I just couldn't let someone talk to me that way so I guess I am wasting my time trying to convince my DH that he needs to tell BM that he will not tolerate her talking to him that way.
You are seeing the situation
You are seeing the situation by putting yourself into it and basing your thoughts on what looks like a logical response to BM if you were in DH's place. I would want to know from him why he chooses the actions, or lack of, that he does. People usually take the path of least resistance so maybe it is all he can do to just get away from her.
You feel angry that he gets upset with you and not with BM but I would guess that he IS angry at BM but is trying to contain what he feels could be a potential out of control situation. Obviously I don't know you or the situation, but you asked in a comment above if maybe you are creating drama and while I can't answer that, I can say that I think you are making this harder on yourself then it needs to be. Drama hurts and if you explore other ways to view the situation you may find ways to react that would be kinder to you
You are right!Not only is it
You are right!Not only is it a waste of time but it is a potential marriage ruiner!
Seriously i would just try to support DH in any way I can and deal with his behavior towards me how I see fit.
He is with YOU and you are not her(that is a good thing).
Let DH deal with his ex(after all her behavior only makes you look great
Do you think him telling BM
Do you think him telling BM that he will not tolerate her talking to him that way will do ANYTHING?
If he tells her he will not tolerate it, what is he going to do to back that up? Not see the kids so he doesn't have to deal with her? The kids are minors, so he has to have at least some communication with her.
I get it, I do. BM over here was always very high conflict and always talked down to DH. He spoke to her as little as possible when he picked up and dropped off SD, and he spoke to her on the phone only when necessary (this was back before texting). When SD was old enough, he didn't even go to the door.
He did tell her that he would be glad when SD aged out and CS was done and he never had to talk to her again. She laughed (said they were bonded for life) but he was serious and he has not spoken to her since SD was 18. She hung up on him when he told her that they were NOT bonded for life and he couldn't wait until he didn't have to deal with her anymore.
Sometimes, the best a person can do is just remain the reasonable one and keep verbal exchanges as limited as possible. It sucks to try to raise kids with someone that way, but making a heated situation, even more heated, does no good. I mean, really, how do you think BM would respond to your husband telling her he won't tolerate her treatment of him? Don't you think he's been there, already?
I knew that BM's treatment of my DH was a reflection of HER, not him, and although it pissed me off, he knew best how to handle her. It was not that he couldn't stand up to her (he did on the important things), he just knew when there was no point, she was not rational.
He's not afraid of her, men
He's not afraid of her, men just have this ability to ignore bullshit which is what that is. Our BM1 does that too. He tells her constantly, if it's not an emergency, text me. Since we have full custody of SS, it's never an emergency. But she will text him "Call me" or tell him he needs to answer when she calls. It's their way of trying to assert control over their ex and further affirm their place in these men's lives as someone of importance, making them feel like a priority, which they are not (generally BM's who can effectively co-parent and not engage in bull head games don't get treated this way). The child is of importance, but the BM is not and most of them can't stand that.
Tell him to stop telling you
Tell him to stop telling you about his conversations/encounters with her. Tell him to put his phone on silent if she calls. Basically, just tell him to not utter any words about her to or around you.
You can't make your DH stand up to her the way you think you would stand up to her. What you can do is remove yourself from it. If he starts talking about her or exchanges, politely say you don't want to hear about it or change the subject.
It's not your job to police their interactions. If he left her, he isn't going to get back together with her. If he wants to get back together with her or cheat on you, he'll do it no matter what. Limit the stress al this causes you by disengaging from her shenanigans and removing yourself from the conversation. If you don't, you'll keep in this same cycle until you ultimately divorce or die, whichever comes first.
And no, I'm not trying to be mean, but I do want to make it abundantly clear that you have a drama-lessened solution if you choose to take it.
Yes, stay out of the drama.
Yes, stay out of the drama. Yes you'll lose respect for DH because he lets the BM walk all over him like a cheap rug. The more you tell him he should stand up for himself, the more you become the enemy.
Plus there's the shame of knowing he picked a C U Next Tuesday to bear his child. The SM who points this out will become the target of his frustration. Next he'll lump you in with the BM as being all alike.
Been there, done that.