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Freaking livid....

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 8:41am

So last night I go to open some of my food and clearly someone broke the seal on it and stuck their finger in it then closed it back up. I was livid so I ask both of skids if they did it of course both of them deny it so I blow up and tell DH to take something away from them for the rest of the night. He refuses to do it so I do it. He flat out refuses to disciplines his kids and I am not at my wit's end with this crap. He will never change and will always be a Disney dad I think. I told him why do you always make me be the bad guy and then says well why do I have to be the bad guy. I told him You are the parent. I mean how ridiculous can you be having your wife discipline your kids when you are standing right there. His excuse for not disciplining his kids was that he had a headache. So I have two choices I can just leave or disengage and let these little special snowflakes run all over my DH and I will sit back and relax.

Comments

fairyo's picture

Submitted by fairyo on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 8:45am

I think next time they are eating a cake, ice-cream, something they really enjoy- just go ahead and stick your finger in-'Oh did it slip? So sorry...'

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 8:47am

I am thinking about just going and staying with my family for awhile we his brats come over.

fairyo's picture

Submitted by fairyo on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 8:59am

That sounds like a good plan- sounds like you've had enough of his rose tinted snowflake specs- I think sitting back and relaxing is a great option...

TinyDancer's picture

Submitted by TinyDancer on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 9:02am

Or you take back your home and autonomy. Demand that you get the respect due you because it is your home and you are the adult. Do and say what you have to to the kids and if DH doesn't like it, tough shit, then he should step up and teach them how to behave. Don't take shit from kids.

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 9:33am

I don't take their crap and TBH I really cannot stand to be around them for more than a weekend due to DH not teaching them respect and disciplining them. So I am not wrong for stepping up and telling them how it is when DH does not?

TinyDancer's picture

Submitted by TinyDancer on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 11:58am

I don't think your wrong for being the adult and I don't think it's wrong to make them respect you in your own home! He isn't going to do it, he's told you as much. Now you have to stand up for you because you do, and if you don't, then you will be so miserable. Have a list of house rules. there is no compromising on them. If it takes being a hardass to get the respect you deserve, then so be it. Been there, done it, got the respect the hard way and now, decent relationship with them because of it.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 10:25am

It sounds like your DH probably feels your reaction is not in line with the transgression. ie making a mountain out of a molehill.

What he isn't getting is that you have built up a ton of anger and resentment at his lazy dad parenting style and the way his kids raised by both him and his wife (coddled it seems). I seem to remember that at least one of them has some developmental issues too.

In this case, what the kids did is something that kids will do. They shouldn't be given a pass, they should be reprimanded for it. Not sure they need some HUGE punishment or deprivation... but a talking to on what they are and are not allowed to do with regards to food seems appropriate.

I just get the feeling that your blow up in extreme... made your DH go all "turtle" in his conflict avoidance. The louder and more extreme you get in your frustration towards his kids.. the less he will be inclined to work on this with you. Right now, he sees you as his adversary and is more inclined to defend his kids since you are "blowing up" over minor things. Yes, I understand you have pent up frustration.. but kids are frustrating at times... sometimes you have to remind them one million and one times about things. That's how they learn. You have to be able to correct in a reasonable way or the lesson becomes lost in the anger displayed.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 10:46am

Blame him, never ever the skids.
Foods been eaten, blame him.
Something spilt on the floor, blame him.
Always, always his fault.

Then punish him. He's easier to punish anyways, no one wants to have sex with a spineless whimp.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 11:11am

They are NEVER going to learn. Especially not from you.

Look at it like this, there is a boss (DH), a manager (you) and employees (skids)
The employees are constantly screwing up. The boss takes no notice. You take it upon yourself to say something, but the boss doesn't back you up. The employees keep doing whatever but they now know that you have no power, even though you have the title.

If you blame he boss for the employees mess ups, he's either going to set you straight or do nothing. Either way the employees see that it's between you and the boss.

DH can look at you however he wants, it's his fault the skids are the way they are. The blame is his. If he says why would I put my finger in your food? Say, I don't know? Why would anyone put a finger in someone's food?
Then tell him, someone is going to be punished for it and guess what you're blaming him.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 11:27am

I'd recommend having a hard think about what matters to you in your own home.
I care about my yard equipment and my home-repair area. Both of which were repeatedly plundered, things missing, things borrowed and put back in disrepair, things left out.

I asked DH to help.
He was no help.

So yard stuff, instead of getting angry, I marched the SD out to clean up, gave her and her friend several lectures (NOT with DH present - that will never, ever work because he'd undermine me in a second). I was on the verge of locking things up but whatever I said solved it (see, I mean what I say and they know it).

I had to put locks on several laundry room cabinets since DH was totally ineffective in protecting the ADULTS household repair (i.e. mine) items. I took control because he did not. No discussion. I just did it.

I have contemplated that for food as well, but really haven't had that big of an issue so left it for now. Although I do have a new place for MY blanket storage. Same concept.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 11:23am

Time to lock up your food. And time to completely disengage. Let your DH handle his little darlings. Do nothing for them and remove your food items from temptation.

On skid weekends, I am frequently absent. Sometimes I leave the house before anyone else is up and return after everyone has gone to bed. Other times, I stay at my Dad's house and do some maintenance (he lives in Florida much of the year).

I love my DH but I cannot stand to see him running himself ragged trying to please lazy, thankless shi'theads who are forever vying for DH's attention.

momjeans's picture

Submitted by momjeans on Sat, 10/28/2017 - 7:23pm

This. Lock up your food, if you feel it’s necessary. Disengage.

Put your DH in the position to do something — but, at the same time, also guard yourself and what’s yours to not be put in that position to begin with.

skatermom's picture

Submitted by skatermom on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 12:36pm

I think what you did was fine. It's what I would of done. Don't leave your house when they come over, do what you are doing and punish them if they get in your stuff.

Also, hide your good food and snacks from them, I do this all the time or everything would be gone

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 1:33pm

To save my sanity, I stopped going to DH about stuff that SD was doing. I found out she stole my lip gloss out of the bathroom. So rather than tell DH, I waited until nobody was home and I stole my lipgloss back and took a couple of other things out of her makeup bag just for good measure and chucked them in the trash. SD stole clothes from me. I did go to DH on that, and while he did ask her about it, she denied it and then DH believed her and said oh it was probably an accident. When she moved in with us, I found those clothes that she stole hanging in her closet. So I stole those clothes back and whenever I got the opportunity, I'd snatch a shirt or shorts or whatever out of the dryer and chuck them in the garbage. Tit for tat.

DH insisted that SD have a house key, I was against it, but rather than argue about it I just bided my time. In less than one week, she left the key on her stupid Sponge Bob lanyard laying on the couch, when I found it at like 11:00 that night, I chucked it in the garbage. DH was pissed that she lost the key and refused to get her another one. Problem solved. }:)

Ugh, while I'm typing this, I'm thinking what a horrible, Petty Crocker I was... but at the time, it sure did make me feel better.

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 1:42pm

I thought about doing those types of things to the skids but then I thought what is the point. It's BM's and DH's fault maybe I should just stop doing things for DH.

skatermom's picture

Submitted by skatermom on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 4:13pm

You sound like me DaizyDuke. This is how I operate. I say nothing and get them back when no one is home.

Ladystark's picture

Submitted by Ladystark on Sat, 10/28/2017 - 5:36pm

Haha yes daisy!! Some of my best days were when ss would leave his ipod laying around- id wait a day, if he did not get it id kick it under the couch!!..
Then id have a nice chuckle days later watching dh look and look, but it was a nice week with no irritating music, or him saying look at this, but him not actually letting me look or hold ipod!! Or he would find the most annoying noise and play it over and over- one time it was,sponge bobs laugh! God he would get on my nervous!

Now he is a teen and wears headphones everywhere Smile

momjeans's picture

Submitted by momjeans on Sat, 10/28/2017 - 7:25pm

Also thiis. I’m not above fighting fire with fire to put a little thieving %^*# in their place. Snicker.

Ladystark's picture

Submitted by Ladystark on Sat, 10/28/2017 - 5:24pm

This is why i hide stuff!

It sucks having people mess or eat your food!

Last week ss ate some left overs, but even though he is 14 he cant reclose a tupperware lid!! So i grabbed it, and gone on floor...sigh...

I had just talked to him about lids, because i made a cake and we only got a few pieces, the rest was ruined because someone cant close a lid!!!!

Errr....

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 8:58pm

Devils advocate here. I got some sour cream the other day that had the same thing happen. Little plastic seal broken and a big ole finger swipe through it. And I know for a fact it was not DH or I and we have no kids at home anymore. It had to have happened at the store. grrr. I was so mad. Who does that?

And I guarantee if SS was here, I would have blamed him too. I could totally see him doing that.

But cha never know.