You know that you are not a selfish or manipulative person, and that you have the right to have opinions and state the way you would like things to be in your home. You do not need to convince him of anything when you know the truth. Don't waste the time and energy.
And I would leave if I were you. Who wants to be with someone who calls them a manipulator? What a great way to make sure your feelings are discarded and you are never heard!

Do you want to live your life like this?  Only you can say when enough is enough.

You cannot reason with the unreasonable, make logic of the illogical, or slap someone silly until they get it.  THIS is who your partner is, he is TELLING you who he is, the type of person he is and the type of partner he will be for you.  You cannot change it or reason with it, the only thing to decide is if you are going to live the rest of your life like this.

He already knows that you are not the manipulator. He also knows who is.

Don't waste your time or energy trying to prove jack to this jerk.

He wants the marriage to end, but doesn't want to be the bad guy. If he can make you leave, then he can be the poor victim of a second failed marriage due to high-conflict women.

He's playing you. He's going to keep making you miserable until you leave or until you give in to all his crazy demands and be his puppet. 

Let me be clear: THERE IS NO WAY YOU WILL CONVINCE HIM THAT HE IS THE PROBLEM. No way, none whatsoever. If the only reason you are staying is to prove that you aren't crazy and he is, you'll never leave.

The choice is yours: Stay and continue to be miserable and manipulated, or leave and let him think he won. Know that if you leave, that DOES NOT mean he won. It means you realized you were playing a rigged game and decided to remove yourself since there is no point in playing.

It's called projection and gaslighting.  He is projecting what he does onto you and trying to get you to believe it's all your fault.

You should know from this website that you cannot reason with crazy. He will NEVER realize he's wrong, he will never apologize and he will never admit to anything.  Ever.  You are waiting for something that won't happen.  And will break yourself while you wait.

Stop breaking your own heart.

If I understood your car comments in another post correctly... you have a car that is in your ex's name and your name.  Your DH wants you to give it back to your ex?  Why????  to downgrade and save money on a payment?  Or just to be a jerk?  I could see if your EX was driving a car and your name was on it.. I could see making a stink about getting it refinanced or whatever, but I don't understand why he is making a big deal here. 

Ugh... believe us, you will never be able to win this fight with him.  Even if you do somehow get him to admit to himself that he is part of the problem.. he will still try to project and deflect blame onto you.

Honestly, in looking back at your actions.. I do not see you as manipulative at all.  I do think you have a need to contol your surroundings and at times thought that you were doing this in places that there wasn't really a way TO control things.. like the way his EX tallked to him... or even his kid's behaviors at times.  I'm not saying this in a negative way really.. it's just how you are and in much of those situations with the kids... you were trying to control things because he was being lazy and wasn't doing anything at all.

So now, he is trying to turn it all around on you that YOU are selfish when he is the one expecting you to turn your life upside down for his kids and for himself.

It can't be very comforting to see how quickly he is putting you in the same category as his EX.. and how he can again blame someone else for why his relationship is not working out.  Perhaps you might even see how he could have driven his EX to act out in some of the ways you have seen her do.

Look, you know I have often given you counsel to ratchet down things a little bit, but when it all came down to it, I could see that you mostly were coming from a place of wanting things to be better for him and his children.. that they would learn good habits which would make them better and help them in life.

So, if he is going to try to flip the script on you and say YOU are manipulative.. I wouldn't bother to try to stick around to change his mind.  Honestly... so many things about this guy and his family are checks in the negative column.. if you add to it that he doesn't respect you as a good human being??? I see zero point in staying.

There are so many times I see my relationship with my ex boyfriend on this site. This is one of them. Whever I brought something up, that my ex did, or was thinking about doing, instead of hearing my concerns, I was told I was crazy, controlling, manipulative and that he could never do antyhing right. 

As someone 5 years removed from that type of treatment, I can tell you that it isn't normal. It also isn't okay. The harder I fought to be heard, the meaner and more angry I found myself to be. Eventually, I wanted to leave too. I remember standing in our 4th floor walk up, wondering to myself "What am I doing here? How do I get out?" and then thinking "You can't, you've put so much into this, to give up now". I didn't stay for him. I stayed for everything that I built there. All I had put into the relationship. NOT because he was "so good in so many other ways" which I eventually successfully deluded myself into believing. I got lucky about a year after that, he broke up with me. Then he wanted me back and I had the delicious opportunity to tell him-no thanks I think I'll pass, I like me without you. To this day I don't know that I would have ever pulled the trigger. He had me so wraped up in me being the problem, the broken one, the one who was crazy. I wasn't. He's still in his mom's basement. I've built a family, a life and tripled my income. He's still sleeping in  my old bed. Who is crazy now? 

What is happening to you is emotional gaslighting. In healthy relationships, a person may not like what you have to say or your viewpoint, they may disagree, but they listen to you because they actually give a sh*t. You may not see it until you do the hard thing, but as someone who has stood where you're standing there is life outside of this cyclical scapegoathood so many rational women with real expectations, real goals and real reason and logic are not made to feel as less than because they have expectations of the poeple lucky enough to be in their lives. 

Set your eyes on the prize. Straighten up your shit and get to kickin some shit. He can come along for the ride, or not. You'll be okay no matter what. 

"I guess in a way I want to convince this man that everything isn't about me and that I am not a manipulator."

Why? Answer honestly, please.