New info on the orthodontist front
Dh never heard back from the ex all day yesterday about our wanting t o know how much 9 year old's braces were going to cost. We had the boys for dinner last night & when DH dropped them off she stood in the doorway of house ( DH stays in car, unlike her who feels she needs to come in our home daily when she picks up the kids. At least she rings the doorbell & waits to be invited in, she used to knock & just walk in.)Any how she send oldest back out with our daycare bill and then hollers out to DH that she called the orthodontist & they are going to run it through the insurance and then she would let us know what the cost is.
She stood in our kitchen the night before & told us they had precertified last year. A lie I believe. It appears that she NEVER even asked how much this was going to cost & never found out what the insurance was going to pay. How stupid can you be?!? DH believes because she hates her own teeth so much that she didn't care what the cost and she was going to get this done.
Our next step is DH needs to meet with the orthodontist & find out what the Treatment plan is & why we are doing this before he looses his baby teeth.
I feel bad because I am really pushing DH on this. But we talked about it and if we were not married he could not afford to pay his half. It is only because of my income that we will be able to pay half. I can't give her that kind of money without being consulted and having all the information. She screwed us out of money once before because despite having a very good job, ( She is a very talented programer) she is horrible about getting the big picture before making financial decisions. It cost us around $300.00. Never happening again.
Am I wrong for feeling that if we are paying for 1/2 of something very expensive we need to be included in the decision making. The Ex has to be incontrol of everything regarding the children. I have my own control issues when it comes to finances. I grew up poor & I work very hard for my money & I am very sensible about it. I need to look at the whole picture & investigate everything before I make a decision.
I just know that if she doesn't get her way this is going to be a huge issue and it won't take a genious to know I am behind this. But do you hand over at least $1000.00 out of my savings to keep her happy?
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Well we got info
I still can't believe she never asked for an estimate when she started this.
Any how ss is going to be having phase one started next month, which is a 6-9 month process. She has said DH can come to that appt, no time was given though. Sounds like phase one runs between 1400-1800 and she say insurance will pay for half. I told DH that we need to know how many phases there are and what the insurances max is.
My big question is why so much friggin unorganization & secrets over this?
oh it continues
She sent DH email stating he can go to the visits but I can't, but how nice of me to be concerned. But guess what I can probably baby sit youngest while they are all there. I told DH she can arrange Ycare for him that day because I am good enough to write checks and babysit and I am sick of it. Also DH & step son have discussed using the babies growth as his science project next year. I take the boys on line so they can see the babies development weekly. They love it. She was offended that he did not discuss it with her before discusiing it with the boys. Hello she didn't discuss the lame ass " Do worms smell" project with DH. She & SS did it all by themselves & we never knew anything till we went to the science fair.
I don't know if it's my hormones or the fact I have spent the last two weeks skipping lunch so I can leave early to pick up the kids and busting my but taking care of them. I don't think DH will like the email I sent but my feelings are hurt.
HELL NO...you have every right to be there!
In my opinion, this women needs to have YOUR husband shove a few simple words up her ass, like... GET OVER IT.
You're married, right? Guess what, you're involved. I'd been strapping myself in my car, and drive myself and meet everyone at the ortho office and ask questions myself. One thing I've learned early on is the "you can not tell me where and when I can be somewhere" syndrome routine by SS's BM. She learned very quickly, that my life is not going to be dictated by her... HELLL NO. I WILL be where I WANT to be at ANYTIME that has to do with SS. PERIOD. And my DH backed me up on this. Irritated the hell out of her, but guess what, she got over it. }:)
If you are footing the bill, then you need to go to this office. Just simply let BM think whatever, that you aren't going, whatever, just have DH side-step the question, and you aren't available for her kids to watch them period. Then just happen to be in the area, speak with the Dr. WITH your hubby. This man also needs to stand firm against his BM on this issue, PERIOD. This is a financial decision that has to been agreed upon by all fronts, and if BM doesn't like it... tell her to kiss MY ass!
That is my humble opinion.
Thank You!!
I am just so irritated with all this. She has pushed DH around their entire marriage & divorce. He is always so afraid she will hold back visitation ect...I know she knows I pushed this. In his email to he he told her I had all these questions & since I have had braces & worked as a medical reviewer for an insurance company I would be valuable to have at the appointment. DH is awful about this stuff, heck I go with him to the DR a lot of the time so that the right questions get asked in regard to his medical issues.She hates that I am interfering that is obvious.
Bottom line is she did not get the facts & that is just stupid. I haul her kids around & treat them as if they were my own. Trust me I would rather have had some much needed time for me this week then leaving work early w/o taking lunch just to save the kids from being at ycare & school from 7am to 5:30pm.
Sweet thing..
how dare she act as though you are not welcome and then say but she can babysit youngest while they go. Who does she think she is. I say if your income is paying for this then you shoudl be able to go. If your husband cannot see that she is "trying to use you only when it is to her advantage" then he is blind.
To be honest with you I am not the perfect ex-wife either but I at least am nice to my ex and his someday wife.. My heavens. I would never treat anyone like that.. I wish there was a way to talk some sense into these *senseless* bio moms..
I think your husband should state it to her this way. "I was thinking about what you said about my *wife* not being able to be there but could baby sit, well to be honest with you I will not be able to afford the braces on my income alone. He should tell her this because you cannot squeeze blood out of a turnip.
I would go anyway.. Just to prove the point to her that you are part of his family and just simple drive home to her no matter how angry she may get or be but drive it home that she cannot tell you what you can or cannot do.
I had a consultation
for braces a couple of years ago, and I don't have horribly jacked teeth (in fact they look darn near straight but bad bite), and after insurance (they paid $1500) I was left with $2500 bill.
I would do this, have dh go to the consultation, he can question the orthodontist about why braces before adult teeth, get a straight answer from the ortho, and make his own decision as to whether ss should get the braces. If bm insists on getting the braces, and goes against all good advice just to cost you guys money, she will have to arrange it, and front the costs with the ortho. That contract will only exist between her and the ortho. They don't care if dh is required to pay a portion, if she sends the kids to the dr's she is financially liable to them. So let her deal with the costs up front.
I think that even though he doesn't need braces before adult teeth, as long as bm puts them on, then dh will have to pay her (the screwed up system again). So, if there isn't a specific timeline to pay bm the proportionate costs dh is liable for, send her a monthly check of $25 until it is paid in full. There's no insterest, and there's no penalty
When bm was fighting us over a parenting plan, costing us a buttload of money for ridiculous things, and she got an increase in cs to boot, I sent her a weekly check of $65 dollars...how far can that go when you are already broke and disorganized?
Thanks ladies for your support!
I know she is pissed off right now. How dare I question anything she does because she is Super Mom. I am going to call Delta Dental & find out what the max our insurance will pay out for ortho. DH thinks it's $1000.00. Phase one is $700.00, so I would love to know how many phases and what will happen if they have to put them back on as a teenager.
DH emailed her yesterday, ( I was sick and had my 2 hr long OB appt yesterday. BTW I got to see babies heart beat. 148, pretty reassurring as normal is 120 to 160. We could not hear it, kind of scary moment because my uterus is really retroverted & is flipped back... I'm a freak
)and told her you wouldn'y buy a house w/o a realator so how stupid is it to not use my knowledge of medical & insurance & the fact that I had braces as a teenager. No reply.
She didn't even make it in the house when she picked up the kids yesterday as DH had them ready & walking out the door as soon as she pulled up. I love the days that she doesn't have to step foot in our house.
I am waiting for DH to tell her that I, not he is the one who will be paying for the braces. We share out money and I have never made a big deal that I am the one who contributes more. It kills me though because I know she knows what he is left with after the support, daycare & insurance so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who will be paying for this.
I am going to send DH to that appt with a list of questions & despite the fact I hate to do this to youngest SS I am not watching him or picking him up. The ex can do it after the appt so she doesn't need to step foot in our house.
Complete shock!!
DH had conversation with ex on Friday when picking up the kids. He told her that it was I not him that will be paying for SS's braces & he even told her that we both make the same kind of money ( because of my possesions & flexability at work I know she had thought that I make more than her. I just spend it wisely) that we have to budget for things, especially with the baby coming. All in all it went pretty good.
He also told her I was going to call Delta & find out the max they will pay for ortho for the lifetime of the child. She finally gave in and agreed that I did know what I was talking about & should be at ss's appointment so we asked all the important questions.
Got to hand it to her, as that is a total surrender of power.
Bottom line we all want what is best for SS, but you have to follow the rules when it comes to insurance. This is funny...one of the points I hammered home to DH ( and he passed on to ex)is that he needs to brush more often & will need to. This weekend he starts telling us how mom says he has to start doing this ect... ( everything I had said) DH said, I know... we told your mom that.
Hooray!
What a victory! I'm so glad to hear it.
Hey, can you have your SSs' BM call my SD's BM and talk some sense into her?
That is a good thing!
Good for you sweetthing. It can be so frustrating when one parent is so stubborn. As time goes on, she may begin to show small signs of maturity to work with you guys...we can only hope and pray that happens! But for now, you get a well deserved pat on the back!
That is diffidently good news.
One hurtle at a time. Hope it continues!