Why CS should not be discussed infront of kids.
Last night SS18 ( my former step son ) graduated from high school. BS almost 9 went with my ex to this. After he came home he was upset because his dad started going off in front of him about how he was getting rid of one kid and the CS and had two more to go. I get being excited to be getting closer to not having to pay for your kids any more, but at almost 9 it was not appropriate to discus it in front of him.
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Wow what a great way to make
Wow what a great way to make your kid feel like a burden. Ugh how disgusting of him. Hopefully your boy doesn't take it to heart.
Agree. But you can't control
Agree. But you can't control what your Ex says and I wouldn't even attempt it.
Forget the almost 9 part, it
Forget the almost 9 part, it should NEVER be brought up in front of ANY child who is subject to the order.
Your poor kid - he must have felt like CRAP!!!
I'm with Zero, nothing you can do about it and don't even attempt it.
Ugh - poor kiddo
I think that kids should
I think that kids should understand that *both* their parents are working to support them, and to not think that a primary parent is the only one contributing financially just because they're the one physically writing the check. If it were up to BM, I'm sure she would have the kids think that the only thing DH does for them is have parenting time, but the reality is that he does much more. And with my biokid, I don't want her thinking that the only thing her dad does is have her for occasional visits. The checks he sends are what make it possible for us to do some of the things she likes most.
I do not think it's OK to belabor that you send $XXX amount, nor do I think it's OK to make the kid feel bad for being supported by their parents. But I don't think child support is something the needs to be hidden from young ears.I think there's a huge difference between acknowledging the existence of child support and complaining about having to pay it.
This. There is a big
This. There is a big difference between pointless complaining about child support ( what OPs ex did), and a frank discussion of child support with older children: how it works, how much is paid etc. in our situation that discussion was necessary as BM sends kids to DH for every expense, despite us paying a large amount of support. I get that some money of the support check goes to food and shelter, but literally every pair of shoes she wants us to buy or at least split 50/50? To me that's just double dipping.
But I think we can all agree that OPs ex was out of line here.
I say this as a former step
I say this as a former step mom who still loves her skids and as a BM only now. IMO CS pays for everything but the out of pocket medical. I have not nor would I ever ask for anything other than his 47% of a medical bill., To be honest because of my insurance my ex has never seen a medical bill. I have MS and take a very expensive interferon medication that causes me to hit my deductible for BS by myself. I make sure that my RX is run through on the first Monday of the new year. He has only had to pay a $20.00 dental bill and he was such an ass about that that this year I just covered the whole thing myself.
I think it is okay to know
I think it is okay to know that child support exists BUT I don't think people should bitch about the amount they get or have to give to their kids. I know in my exes mind it is cause for celebration to be done.
BS was upset about a lot of things that the ex has said the last few weeks. My response always is, I can't change the way dad sees things, just love him and enjoy him when you are with him.
Our BM has always done the
Our BM has always done the exact same thing as yours and still does. One would think my skids at their age, would have clued into the truth by now but they haven't.
He sees a therapist about
He sees a therapist about once a month, so he has the tools to deal with emotions as he grows up. He is a sensitive kid. He was sad about a whole bunch of stuff last night but this one started off the conversation. He cried for a bit because he is sad about his brother graduating and going away to college. I lay in his bed and held him and we did discuss everything that was bothering him.
I agree that it was wrong for
I agree that it was wrong for your ex to bring up CS to your son they way he did. Your BS didn't mention you or anything to do with who pays for what, so there was no reason for his dad to say a word about it. I'm sorry it made your son feel so terrible.
But I don't agree that CS should never be discussed. As others have said, sometimes kids will mention money or assume that their BM pays for everything, and as long as the they are old enough to understand I don't see anything wrong with correcting them or clarifying how CS works.
I know, my first paragraph
I know, my first paragraph acknowledged the OP's individual situation. It was crappy of the father to do that and it was entirely inappropriate.
My second paragraph just addressed the discussion about CS in general, given that the title of the blog said that CS should not be discussed in front of kids. I'm saying there are some circumstances where it can be discussed with kids, as others mentioned as well. I didn't say the OP's case was one of them.
Poor kid. No better way to
Poor kid. No better way to make your kid know you love them by insinuating they are a burden to you.