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SD daughter moves off to College

sunshine's picture

Submitted by sunshine on Wed, 11/07/2007 - 8:52am

Okay so my SD has moved off to College,,we bought her a 3 bedroom house and she now has 2 girls living with her. The college is not that far away from home, a little over a hour. The problem,,,now we have three girls at home,,my two BD's and one SD... my youngest BD got the smallest bedroom. we are talking about her room holds a twin bed and a small night stand. I have a plastic tub in the clostet to hold her undies, socks and stuff like that. Our house is 5 BD. So when she has a friend come over,, they have to pull out the hideaway in the living room so sleep comfortable. So to make her more comfortable. I was going to move her into the SD's room that just moved away to college..Well when SD and DH mother (granny) got wind of this, HELL broke out,,, DH mother called DH stating that I should not do that because SD would be coming home for breaks and SD would need a place to sleep. So then DH felt his mother was correct.. I then got defensive and stated my BD was as big as me, was living out of plastic tubs and needed to be comfortable and if they thought she was going to live like she is currently living for the next four years,,,they were all CRAZY,, DH was like "well just for a year longer". I was like "we bought SD a house, she has her own place, and besides the smaller bedroom by BD is currently in will have a bed,its not like she will not have a place to sleep"... Please help.. I know we watch these TV shows where we keep our childrens bedrooms the same when they take off to college,, but my BD daughter cannot live in this petite room forever... AND SD has her own three bedroom house...Its not like shes living in a cramped up dorm..

Comments

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Dawn-Moderator on Wed, 11/07/2007 - 9:38am

I would say you're right. You will still have a place for SD to sleep when she visits. You guys already bought her a house! That's much better than one room.

Maybe if you bring it up with SD and explain the situation first. You know, so it's not a surprise. Then move BD into the bigger room.

Best case scenario, you would want to wait a little longer before giving her room away but in this case, it's not practical.

Dawn

sparky's picture

Submitted by sparky on Wed, 11/07/2007 - 12:28pm

Hopefully, since you bought her a house she will be staying in it. When she sleep at your house, which should not be very often, she can sleep on the sofa or the little room. When a person moves out of a house they give up their territorial rights to dictate where people are going to sleep or who is going to move into their old space.

mckenzie0806's picture

Submitted by mckenzie0806 on Wed, 11/07/2007 - 9:57pm

I love you sweetie and I think you are in the right on this one. Just knowing what all the DH's mom has done in the past, I know you are right on this one babe!!!

hangingin's picture

Submitted by hangingin on Sun, 11/11/2007 - 11:02am

have you asked your hubby if "GRANNY" lives in the house? NO, she dosen't, right?
So, what business is it of hers what YOU do in YOUR OWN HOUSE?
Do you work and contribute to paying the bills that your SD benifits off of? Don't YOU have a say in how the house run?
Maybe a few hard hitting questions to your DH may help him to see the light!
Just call me the mule-headed one!

hangingin

hangingin's picture

Submitted by hangingin on Sun, 11/11/2007 - 11:18am

on "Granny" and I see what you mean now!
It is a difficult and hard road you are now traveling,BUT you husband has to see that you are now "NUMERO UNO" in his life now, not Granny, yes, he owes her a debt of graditude for stepping up to the plate and helping him raise his daughters, but you are there now, and she can't just butt in whenever she feels like it! It would seem to me that she should be grateful for your "taking over" for her. Now is the time for her to relax and enjoy HER LIFE. I think the real problem is your HD,HE needs to stand up and tell both his mother and girls that it is not their place to tell you and he how to live your lives.
Now, having said that, is he willing to go to counciling? I am a firm believer in that.Historically, men can't, won't or don't know how to "talk over things" so they shut down, (I mean MOST,to those out there who post here, ya'll have come along nicely)and it might just help the entire family in the long-run
Take care and God Bless

hangingin

sunshine's picture

Submitted by sunshine on Tue, 11/13/2007 - 8:51am

Thank you Cruella...I asked my DH the same question,, sure she is the oldest but what you do for one,, such as this BIG, you will do for all,, RIGHT?? I mean we have three more behind her.. TWO at the same age of 14, my BD and my SD, meaning they will graduate and head off to college at the same time... He of course said "Sure we will do what we can do" Are you freakin kidding me...We bought the house, right, well the counter tops were that old yellow like in the 70's,, I had in a house i lived in.. SD18 wanted them replaced. They were "ugly" she said. He never replaced them but he did buy her new appliances rather then going out and bargain shopping.

"Granny" has never liked me or my children,,she told my SD14 that "they were better" and SD14 told my BD14 that. My BD14 lost her father when she was 7,, she has suffered enough,, i really wonder what type of family I put myself and my children in. The in-laws live 2 miles down the road and know everything.

OUR home currently is in my name,,I pay that mortgage.. we have rental property that DH maintains,, so I PAY that "house" payment, and MIL dont and hasnt ever paid a dime on my behalf and I would never ask her to if I needed it... I get so furious to think about..After CHRISTMAS,, THAT ROOM IS BEING REPAINTED AND FIXED FOR MY DAUGHTER...