BM and SSs are delusional about college
This weekend, SSs again asked DH, "dad, we need to know if you're going to pay for us to go to college."
They might want to focus on high school first. Both are below grade level and neither one has done anything in school since March.
Seriously, how delusional is BM? Also, what is her problem. She regularly has a lawyer send DH nasty letters accusing him of "communicating with her through the children" or "putting the children in the middle." Yet, SSs always seem to be asking DH questions on her behalf.
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Or if he wants to help: "
Or if he wants to help: " depends on your grades. So we will talk after your junior year in high school. Don't ask me again until then. "
She's already thinking about her next money grab. Prepare for a court visit about college.
ETA: In our case, BM did manage to get DH ordered to pay half of college costs. Thank god SS dropped out after one year.
I'm going to start putting
I'm going to start putting money aside and do my research on lawyers. I figure we might initiate the discussion on our own in a few years, preferably when BM is not expecting it, so she can't try to hide income.
timing is everything
We are currently experiencing the same issue once again with child#3 from 4. My ex has a divorce decree outlining specific s stating both parents will discuss, evaluate and contribute to the education to the best of their ability both will be involved in the decision and the children should attend a state school to keep costs in control. Ex has not included#1,#2 and most recently#3. He made arrangements to do a drive by with#3 recently via text and prior to #3 coming to our home for visiting the ex brought #3 for that drive through as a "surprise". Ex will not allow father to be involved with exception of dictating what she feels he can afford, and wanting his tax information for financial aid and support.
Would you refuse to pay for college if you are not involved in the process? How would you respond to the "surprise"?
Just trying to navigate the norm with tolerance and grace, and least amount of disrepution for #1-4!
DH is totally marginalized as
DH is totally marginalized as well. Also, in our state "post-secondary support" typically goes straight to the school, so not sure BM would be as interested if she knew that.
These two will be lucky if they can get into community college.
Sounds like they need to
Sounds like they need to concentrate on high school, but in the meantime, no, they should not count on your DH paying for college. If they go to college and he wants to help out at that time, he can.
I'm not sure I would have been able to stifle the laughter if my SD had ever asked DH about college.
It's a good thing I wasn't
It's a good thing I wasn't there. They are not even checking in at all with their school right now, so not sure why college would be on their mind (other than BM's money grubbing).
I would have been so tempted to point out that they don't even like school now, so why would they think they even wanted to go to college.
DH told skids to go to the
DH told skids to go to the state school, work part time, and take loans to pay for it themselves.
One of these two will maybe
One of these two will maybe go off to community college. The other won't even be able to handle that.
There are not that many private colleges out here and most kids at their high school seem to go to local community colleges, so I doubt they will have big plans to go anywhere.
I wouldn't tell them no as it
I wouldn't tell them no as it will feed BM. I would take the opportunity and sit with the kids and discuss requests for college, grades, future success, etc... Make this a learning experience for the kids.
They don't care about grades
They don't care about grades or future plans, they just want to go to college and have fun. Mommmeee said dad has to pay or they don't get their entitled fun life experience and it's all his fault.
I don't even know if they
I don't even know if they know what college is. It's more that BM wants money and for some reason has decided that DH has to tell her now what he's going to do.
He didn't say no, he
He didn't say no, he basically changed the subject. He also told them that was an adult conversation.
Oh Gawddddd----not this.
Oh Gawddddd----not this.
Ok, what does the CO say. Next, what does your states say about Obligation to pay for college.
Investigate your state laws first.
This is a nightmare, I completely understand.
(((HUGS)))))----tell them to join the military IF they want college---3 hots and a cot PLUS free health insurance and college tuition. AND a pay check to boot.
The CO says that BM can
The CO says that BM can request "post-secondary support" before the CO expires upon HS graduation.
From what I can gather - through reading the state laws and legal websites on the topic - post secondary support is meant to cover the cost of education or training and to be paid directly to the institution. There is one passage of the law that indicates it is also optional and not required. My plan is to consult with a reputable lawyer after they finish their sophomore year of HS and figure out how we might move forward.
By that point, we should also know what the possibilities are for them. If they are way behind, then they should just look for a job.