DH's son began calling & talking to DH probably once every couple of weeks back in November. He called for the first time in over a year on DH's birthday. He called again a few weeks later & told DH that he hated him for several reasons (I blogged about it previously) & they ended up talking about SS wanting to come spend a few hours with DH & his family on Christmas Eve. They talked a few times back & forth. SS was to talk to BM about it & let DH know. When they talked last Tuesday, SS said he'd call the day before Christmas Eve to let us know for sure. They were calling for bad weather so BM was saying she wouldn't meet DH if it snowed. We haven't heard a word from SS since Tuesday. I suggested DH call Thursday, when he hadn't heard from SS & he said no. SS said he'd call DH & he didn't. Needless to say, Christmas Eve dinner with DH's family was quiet & sad. DH didn't mention the kids, but I knew by his mood that he was hurt.

Christmas Day, he called. The phone rang & rang & he got a message saying that the voicemail was full, so he couldn't leave a message. He figured at least SS would see the caller ID & call back, but he never did.

It sucks. I should've known better than to let myself hope. I feel like in my excitement I got DH's hopes up...at least more than he would've allowed them to get himself. I'm typically the optimist in our home & the one to search for silver-lining in our hard times & I feel like my need to think positive ends up hurting us more sometimes.

I had a dream about BM last night. I can't remember what it was even about, but I woke up at 1:30 thinking about child support. SS will be 18 in July. DH has been talking about being able to check one kid off the child support list in less than a year, however, it occured to me that we hadn't read through the order since it was written. I stayed up thinking about it until about 4:15 this morning & got up at 5:30 for work. I grabbed the book we keep all of DH's court papers in on my way out the door.

SS will be 18 in July, however, he'll only have finished his junior year of high school. In reading through the order at work this morning, the wording is:

"...the parties agree that defendant shall pay to plaintiff the sum of $450.00 per month as and for child support and maintenance beginning December 1, 2005, and continuing in a like manner each morth thereafter until further ofder of a court of competent jurisdiction; said child support payable directly to plaintiff by Payroll Deduction Order for Support entered contemporaneously herewith."

So, nothing is mentioned about age or about paying until kids are finished with school. DH has to go before a judge & they will determine whether or not he can stop paying. Based on what I've read here & there, support typically continues at least until the kid is out of high school. That means, DH will have to continue to pay for another year beyond what he'd planned on.

I don't mean to bitch & moan about him having to pay. I fully agree that both parents should be accountable for their children, & I am well-aware that $450/month isn't over-the-top for 2 kids. However, I fully believe that monetary support is no more important than actual parental support & having a relationship with your children. I understand that legally, visitation is in no way tied to the obligation of child support. While I understand that legally, I have a really...REALLY hard time accepting it. Why do courts allow money to be more important in raising children than actual parenting? It doesn't necessarily make me angry that DH pays CS. It just feels like he has been forced to lay down & be a punching bag for BM, & now just as he thought he'd be able to get halfway up, for yet another year, she'll continue to kick him down grab his money & run on a weekly basis. Of course, it's our fault for jumping the gun before reading through the order to fully understand. It's just disappointing.

I, for one, am thrilled that another Christmas is gone. I hate feeling that way.