Fantastic Weekend with SS, then sting in the tail from BM!
I'm back from a long weekend taking SS10 up to see his grandparents, and I have to say that it went really well. There wasn't a single moment of 'you're not my mother', he did what he was told, actually responding quicker to me than my OH! Things were capped nicely when on the way home, we stopped for fuel & SS10 went into the shop with his dad to pay, and came back with a chocolate bar for me that he'd bought out of his own money! I felt all nice and fuzzy to be honest.
However... last night OH & I were sitting watching TV & OH checks his Facebook, to find a friend request from SS10! His account was set up last night after we'd dropped him at BM's & she'd already accepted him as a friend, so we can only assume she helped him set it up. OH is not happy about this as he doesn't want SS10 on social networking sites, the minimum age for Facebook is meant to be 13 anyway & only yesterday on the news was an item about a 17 year old who was found dead having snuck off to meet someone she met on Facebook!
OH is convinced that BM has done it so he looks like the bad guy by having to come in and say no to SS10 - I'm not sure whether he's paranoid, or whether BM has done this in a passive agressive way as SS10 may have gone home raving about having had a great weekend with us. OH is now wondering whether to accept the friend request so he can keep an eye on what SS10 is doing, or whether that would be seen as approval.
Anyone else dealt with young kids & these sites?
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Yup...currently in the midst
Yup...currently in the midst of the same: after SD9's BM moved away two weeks ago, she set her up a Facebook account????!!!! (obviously lying about her age, since there is a pre-set limit). I am completely against this, but have no say. I know the BM did it for similar reasons to yours: cool parent syndrome, guilt, etc. I went onto SD9's site, and found that BM had set no limits, which I'm not surprised about, but immediately changed them myself. There is no good way out of this, other than trying to monitor the site in my opinion. You're on a roll with your SS, congrats!
Yep, I guess I need to step
Yep, I guess I need to step back, let OH make his mind up & then support him in whatever he decides. One good thing is that BM obviously set him up with high levels of privacy as he doesn't come up in general searches on his name.
I would accept it, it's a
I would accept it, it's a great way to reach out to SS10 thru leaving messages such as OH being proud of whatever his accomplishments are, or just to let him know that he loves him, and at the same time monitoring what SS10 is doing. OH doesn't have to approve of him being on this site, but at the same time, is his disapproval going to make it go away? Atleast this way, he can catch anything that looks suspicious.
I would, although, sit SS10 down next time you guys are with him and discuss the dangers of these sites, and just let him know that with this comes great responsibility and if he is unable to maintain that then there will be consequences that follow, whether that be inside or outside of the home.
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
To be honest, I'm more
To be honest, I'm more worried that his profile could become another way for sly digs between BM & OH. Also, he's not requested me as a friend yet & I don't think I would accept as I'm sure BM has his login details, so she'd then get access to my profile!
Perhaps I'm just being paranoid too!
Try not to worry about
Try not to worry about things that haven't happened yet. Since your OH is one of your friends on FB, you will be able to see whatever is posted on his wall. Just take one situation at a time, and try not to create situations in your mind, b/c you could very well be creating scenerios that won't even happen and worrying yourself for nothing. One step at a time
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
Thanks middlemom, I know I'm
Thanks middlemom, I know I'm letting myself get wound up over what is probably nothing, and it's good to be reminded of it.
My son is 14 and went to
My son is 14 and went to visit his dad, for his once a year trip, over the summer and low and behold he comes back with a yahoo, myspace, and facebook. I don't allow him on the internet unless being supervised because he's been caught on not so nice sites if you know what I mean. But of course his father thinks it's fine for him to have unlimited, unsupervised access to the net. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
When he got home they all got deleted.
It sucks when you have to sit by and watch the other parent do stupid shit.
But like the other suggestions, you can't do much about this one being that you are the NCP. I don't know about accepting as a friend. That seems like it would turn into a sparring match between your DH and BM. Privacy controls, that's all I'm saying!
I have a fb account and
I have a fb account and SD14, perfectson and many many many of their friends are also my 'friends' on there. It's the greatest way ever to keep track of what they're doing and saying. I have actually found that they forget I'm on there so they write anything they please and so do their friends and then they wonder how I find out stuff so fast! LOL! It can definitely have advantages!!!
SD11 has expressed the
SD11 has expressed the desire to have a fb account...as far as I know her birdbrained mother has not given in to this request. I'm sure it's coming though. Then not only will I be censored in my own home when she's around, I'll be censored on my social networking also so I don't post something "inappropriate" to DH or anyone else that she can see bc you KNOW i'll be expected to have her on my list.
~“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone"~ Audrey Hepburn
I just had a thought abotu
I just had a thought abotu this - I might set up a second FB account as I've got more than one email address, and then I can be a friend on that one to keep an eye on him, but not worry about BM seeing my profile.
To be honest, there's stuff on my profile I wouldn't want SS10 to see - pictures of fairly drunken nights out & some of my friends use colourful language to say the least!
That's what I was just going
That's what I was just going to suggest... and then completely block them from your 'real' account so they can't even find you accidentally!
I think part of my
I think part of my frustration with it all is the push for kids to grow up faster & faster. For his birthday SS got toys - Transformers, lego etc and he plays still. When we spoke about Christmas, we think we've managed to keep him believing in Santa as it's pretty much going to be the last year possible as he's off to 'big school' next September. In many ways he's young for his age, and personally I'd like to hold off the teenage-type dramas as long as possible!
I guess this is the big frustration of being a stepparent though - I don't get a voice in this, or anything really. I just know that if he was mine, or lived with us full time I wouldn't want to encourage him to grow up so quickly, childhood is precious in my eyes.
That used to be a HUGE
That used to be a HUGE source of frustration for me with SD11. BM is ALWAYS pushing her to have some huge,full social life, friends are the most important thing, "you want people to like you right?" ,etc...
I've since stopped trying to get DH to see this is going to harm SD later in life as she'll have no concept that family comes before a social life. Plus when she's a teen she'll be more likely to do questionable things just to be popular and liked by everyone. she's a follower. Even though she knows right from wrong, she can't think for herself...she's a sheep following the dipshit teenaged herd.
~“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone"~ Audrey Hepburn
BM set up a facebook for
BM set up a facebook for ss9. I didn't approve but thats not my call. DH continues to let him have it, but went over rules, ect. SS doesn't know, but we have his password and DH checks it. SS is also not allowed to get on the computer without an adult around. When he gets on Facebook he mainly just plays games. I personally don't think anyone under the age of 18 should have a social networking site, there are crazy people out there and things do happen.
My SK bio mom created them
My SK bio mom created them both an account on facebook ( they are 9 and 11 years old at the time they were a year younger) and BM did it to pretend she was the kids and tried adding my DH to look at his profile to see what was going on in his life. He caught on right away when he asked the kids and they said their mom did it. After a while she knew we caught on and closed the accounts down. The nerve of some of them. Sometimes...just sometimes i wish the BM would take a dirt nap.
Purpleflower
I didn't even think of that
I didn't even think of that - OH mentioned the other day he was going to restrict her access to his profile as he wasn't comfortable with her seeing all his photos, status updates etc... I wonder...