Ugh.. $20 a month... Really?
DH and BM are in the process of mediation regarding child support, equitable distribution of the marital property (again), and SD's health insurance.
We are asking for less than what NYS guidelines are for child support. We are asking BM to pay 1/2 of SD's health insurance because it is Healthy New York... which is the best insurance I've ever heard of. SD gets all office visits (including therapist!), immunizations, prescriptions, etc. at NO extra cost. The only thing that we have run into that costs extra money is contact lenses, and that's IT. So it's completely worth it. BM's half is $97 per month.
So, BM drops off her W2s at the Mediator and must have asked to see DH's W2s from last year. So she sees what DH made last year, and calls him up and says that the Mediator's office told her that she should only be paying 40% of the health insurance AND DH is not giving her as much of a break on Child Support as he said. He is only asking her to pay $60 a month less than what NYS requires instead of the $100 less that we thought it was.
Poor DH. He is so stressed out now. For one thing, he is confused as to why the Mediator's office would even discuss something like this with BM. For another, he's not sure she represented her income truthfully.
She is such a jerk!! She wants to pay the $60 less per month, she's not arguing that now. But she also wants to only pay 40% instead of 50% of SD's health insurance. We are saving her $60 a month and she is arguing about $20 per month now.
Of course, all of this is while she is saying how she "would do anything for her daughter!!" unless it comes to money.
She does not contribute to this child's life at all right now. She is not offering support - emotional or financial. Oh wait... she did just send me a check for 1/2 of the health insurance, but nothing from child support and we have been going after this since last MAY.
DH is so sad and stressed out. He is angry that BM is fighting him on this.
We decided together that if it gets her to sign the papers, we will just go for the $20 less, BUT if it's all about her daughter, then we think she should send SD a check directly for that 20 bucks every month.
UGH. The pettiness in the face of the lie of "I would do ANYTHING for my daughter!! I'm a great mother!!" Oh yeah? Then pay your f*cking child support and health insurance you stupid raggedy ass c*nt.
UGH UGH UGH... Sorry for the profanities, but this is so annoying. In 2008, DH was on disability for a short time and had surgery and made 1/2 of what BM makes. If we would have done this last year and finalized it, BM could have gotten screwed by that info. But no... and you know what? We don't care about that. We're not trying to screw anyone. We are only asking for what is fair. We want her to support her daughter.
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Wouldn't it be nice if
Wouldn't it be nice if that's all that everyone cared about? It seems so simple - you have a kid, you want the best for her and then POOF! The crap hits the fan, you get divorced and all of that other crap goes out the window & the only thing you want to do is screw your ex over. God, I understand this and it makes me so sad to see what it does to my BF so I know how you're feeling. The greed disgusts me. ((((HUGS))))
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Stepmom008... It is so sad
Stepmom008... It is so sad and disgusting. And one of the other really bad things is that BM didn't really deal in good faith in the first mediation (she provided false info on the house value).
And then, we went to an attorney, and by NYS law, BM should be paying 17% of her income because her income and my DH's income combined are less than $130,000. It used to be $80,000, but NYS revised that this year. So, if the income is combined $130,000 or less, it is supposed to be a straight 17% of non-custodial parent's income. Based on that, DH and I thought that we were even giving her more of a break than $60. We thought it was actually $100 or over!
To be honest, we don't necessarily even believe that the mediator's office gave her that info. We think she is talking to family or friends or whatever, and then called DH to see what he would say, and if he would give in.
But really... it's going to your kid's health insurance. Like... How could she even argue about paying toward that? Like you said, the greed disgusts me.
And the fact that DH, and your BF, just go through such pain. It makes me want to kick her ass.
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Hey Stick. This is CSong, I
Hey Stick. This is CSong, I changed my name. I can't write too much because I get so angry about CS. DH and I know how you feel. She will get hers.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Are you in a situation where
Are you in a situation where you can just sit back and let her hang herself? They always do eventually.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
I was going to say exactly
I was going to say exactly what you said in this post. I bet she didn't even get the information from the mediators office. Usually they are not allowed to discuss that type of information without a court ordering the information be shared. She is just pushing your buttons.
I hate greedy BM's too! My
I hate greedy BM's too! My BM made a big deal about having to pay $6 for her half of a prescription med when SS was living with DH - 2 years later she is still complaining about this! UGH is right. And btw, I can appreciate the profanity.
Six Bucks!! See, that
Six Bucks!! See, that drives me crazy! That's when I want to tape 600 pennies to pieces of paper and mail it back to her and tell her to SHUT THE F*CK UP - don't worry - We got it!! !!!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
I almost did that to Nextel
I almost did that to Nextel one time. They sent me a bill for 74 cents. I was going to tape 74 pennies to the statement & send it in but the postage would have been ridiculous!
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
lol. We write Wingnut
lol. We write Wingnut checks for $2 or $3 when she whines about sharing the cost of Creature's school snacks for her bday or whatever. Honestly, would it kill her to pay $10 for cupcakes without hounding us for half?
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Oh, I completely understand.
Oh, I completely understand. My DH went to court for CS July of 08 after 10 years of not getting and CS for my 13SS. When they went to the mediator, DH conceeded on a number of things so Dippy only pays $240 a month for CS, no health insurance, nothing else, not even sports fees. She was so grateful at the time that she offered him sex, which he so quickly and profanely refused! But now, she's behind almost 4 months worth, and she knows that this money is going directly into a money market account for SS, but she can get her hair extensions, tanning, tummy tuck, boob job and nose job.
Stick - first I actually
Stick - first I actually smirked when you used the "F" word. I wasn't expecting it from you. You are usually so put together.
BM sounds like a real piece of work. I wouldn't give in. I'd calculate the CS and make her pay 100% of what she owes, no break and whatever the law is on Health Insurance. If she can't play nice and be cooperative, then you have no choice but to hold her toes to the fire. Greedy wench!
In PA the calculation takes into account other factors. Wingnut doesn't have to contribute anything to Creature's healthcare or dental. In NY, can you really re-do equity distribution of marital assets? Once we're done, there is no further negotiation on distribution or alimony. Wingnut can not argue for more of either. CS can be modified annually or if either party petitions for "change of circumstances".
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
ROFL - OMG - I totally
ROFL - OMG - I totally missed ass c*nt because I was hung up on the "f" word. Too funny.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Ah, my favorite word. There
Ah, my favorite word. There are so many fun variations:
c@nthead
c@ntbag
c@unttit, you name it, I've said it
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
SoVery - My true colors have
SoVery - My true colors have shown! I am bad with swearing! DH hardly ever swears, and I am like a truck driver sometimes.
What you suggested - going for 100% of CS - is our leverage in trying to get her to just sign this deal. And I was wondering about other factors contributing, but from everything I have seen, NYS combines both parents gross income minus Fica and Social Security. If it is under $80,000 or $130,000 now (?) , then it is supposed to be 17% of income, but a judge can decide a percentage lower or higher than that based on other factors. Since she is saying her info came from the mediator, we are somewhat suspect since he is not supposed to talk to either one of them about things like that unless they are together, or in writing to the 2 of them.
I'm writing you a PM regarding the distribution of property, because that is pretty specific info!
Thanks for responding!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
LOL - I swear like a trucker
LOL - I swear like a trucker too. I wish I didn't. I try to stop, but I get so angry and I blurt it out. Use your leverage. I think she is lying about the mediator. They aren't supposed to talk to one party ex parte (lol - my legalese)
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Why are you giving her a
Why are you giving her a break in the first place Stick?
If she's going to be ungrateful and pinch the pennies, then come back with the offer of full child support and 40% health care. I would think that would shut her up no?
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
I think you are right DPW...
I think you are right DPW... and Colorado Girl has basically said the same thing to me. We can't keep expecting BM to act rationally. We are banging our heads against the wall with frustration and expectations.
I know we shouldn't expect anything. It is just hard to stop expecting someone to be a "normal" person? Normal isn't even the right word. If this was big money we were talking, I would completely get it. But $20? For health insurance? I mean, I understand what you are saying.... but we don't think that way, so it's hard to anticipate it. I guess we are making steps. Today on the phone, DH and I kind of laughed at her stupidity and the banality of it all.
DH did go through the Mediator for this. He sent a very nice email and cc'd his ex and said that BM informed him that the Mediator's office told her that she shouldn't be paying the full amount of health insurance. And he just asked if they did give her that info.
I doubt that the mediator's
I doubt that the mediator's office told her any such thing. Mediators are impartial and are not allowed to feed info to either party or express an opinion other than when in a mediation session. At most they will provide both parties with the copies of all of the pertinate documents.
If the mediator's office actually said these things to BM I would have you attorny grab them by the short and curlies and give them a firm shake.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Well we get no support at
Well we get no support at all since they live with us. She doesnt even have to pay half of the medical. When we were paying her support she had run off and left them with the grandparents and was getting child support and federal aid. STUPID JERK!
Our BM had complete meltdown
Our BM had complete meltdown over $2.50 and could not produce a receipt.
Believe it or not, I may
Believe it or not, I may have you beat. BM paid her attorney $2k to fight us for 73 cents more per month in insurance reimbursement. Seriously!!!!
DING DING DING - We have a
DING DING DING - We have a winner! And I thought my BM was stupid! LOL
You win!!! "A pessimist
You win!!!
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
I had to do the math on
I had to do the math on this... $2000 spent to get 73 cents more per month...
Hmmmm
$2000 divided by 73 cents = 2,740 months (rounded up) divided by 12 months in a year = 228 years!
Idiot!
You win!
I told my husband about this last night.. we were both cracking up.
We thought... did you let her spend the money on the attorney , and then when it got close to court, just say , Yeah.. Ok.. we'll pay it.?? What did the judge have to say about that? Or was it just filed in court?
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
LOL. You have to love math.
LOL. You have to love math. Wingnut paid her attorney (well, she's still paying) about $60K over 3 years for the divorce process. This is what she wanted:
1) full custody, with dh getting supervised visitation (in her home with her parents) one weekend per month
100% of all personal assets (furniture, cars, bank accounts, etc)
2) $4000 per month alimony for the remainder of her life, plus full child support
3) Fully paid tuition for her to get a 4 year degree
4) 100% of the equity in the home, which at the time was about $100K
5) 100% of dh's 401k
6) 100% of dh's deferred compensation
7) 100% of dh's "relocation" bonus, which is included in his pay
9) 100% of life insurance values, including policies for dh
10) any other amounts necessary to enable her to be a homeowner (whatever the hell that means)
11) And all of her attorney's fees paid in full
DH offered her on day #1 50% custody, 50% of all assets, 5 years alimony at $2000K per month ($120,000).
After spending $60K, plus amounts due to the 4 different mental health care professionals involved, Wingnut got:
1) 50% custody
50% of life insurance values, offset by the value of her policy
2) $2500 in alimony for 4 years ($120,000)
3) 50% of home equity, which after all her arguing dropped to $60,000 (so she got $30,000 vs. the $50,000 dh offered)
4) 50% of dh's 401k, offset by 50% of her 401k
5) 50% of dh's deferred compensation
6) 0% of dh's relocation bonus, since that is included in the cs calculation and can't be double dipped
7) she kept all the personal assets (furniture, her car). Most of it was her "collectibles" and 20 year old furniture that I would not have touched with a 12 foot pole.
The Master involved shot down her request for tuition, attorney's fees, and laughed at the idea that she should be a home owner.
So for $60K, she lost about $25000, plus the loss in value of dh's 401k during the recession. She took us to court 9 times over 3 years and lost every single time.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
BioDad filed for amendment
BioDad filed for amendment of CS to get it lowered and ended up spending several $thousand on a lawyer only to have his CS triple. He just does not understand that just because we have him by the short and curlies legally and have significant leverage over him in court, the same tactics will not work for him. Mainly because he does not realize that we research for hundreds of hours and know very closely what is likely to happen when we take him to court. When we got the notification from his attorney that he was taking us to court for an amendment of CS we laughed our butts off and spent the whole day in court with bit old shit eating grins on our faces. Or at least my wife did since as a StepParent I am not a party to the case and had to sit in the witness holding room.
But I do have to say, the $2K investment to get 73cents takes the cake.
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)