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Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 9:21pm

Do any of you have issues where the SD does NOT want to see BM at all? Does not want to spend any time with her and cries if she has to? SD has serious issues with BM, does not like her as a person. She is just like her daddy (my H!). So while I can see her point, H and I still have to make her see BM and have a relationship with her. We will not hurt that relationship and will try to just be there for SD as much as we can. BM is already hurting herself a lot . Anyone else going through this??

Comments

WowjustWow's picture

Submitted by WowjustWow on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 11:44pm

How old is SD? At a certain age, the kids can decide if they want to see the other parent or not. I think it is good that you and DH try to continue the relationship with her mother, but at a certain point, if it causes her so much distress, it's not healthy.

~ Formerly ToTheEdge. I have stepped down from the ledge.

Sunflower's picture

Submitted by Sunflower on Thu, 05/21/2009 - 12:17am

Count yourself blessed to not have to deal with BM. You know if it tears SD up that much to be around BM dont force her to go.You dont owe BM anything.I know that you are being kind hearted and wouldnt ever want to be in BM's shoes but let it go.Maybe someday SD will change her mind. Just leave the door open and if she chooses she will go in. For now though I think your driving a wedge between You DH and your SD.If she is resisting BM that much maybe something is seriously wrong going on there. My own Mom and SD did the same to his D and she fought about going to see her BM. We found out 6 moths later why. She was being molested by BM's boyfriend. Kids usually dont fight to stay away for fun. I think something is up. I pray that I am wrong.

emptyrisksagain's picture

Submitted by emptyrisksagain on Thu, 05/21/2009 - 2:40am

My SD wanted/wants nothing to do with the now-showing-up BOWEL MOVEMENT (bm). She would cry when the BM planned a night with her, yadda yadda yadda. But she'd go because she decided to, we never made her.

K, so then SD flat-out refused to go one Friday or Saturday (I forget which). We thought, "OK. BM pushed too hard too fast. Let's not ever make her see her again. She'll go when she's ready...or maybe after a few therapists visits".

SOOOOOOO, SD didn't go for a couple of months. Again, no biggie as she didn't go anywhere for so many years.

Then I get on the laptop one night (mine and DH's anniversary--March 12 of this year--we'd been out together), and find not only that SD has a facebook account we knew nothing about, but comments on her wall(12-20 TIMES A DAY while at school!) with BM about how "nothing should keep us apart!!!!!" and "I can't believe I can't see you!!!!" and "We can mend this we just have to get past THEM".

????????????????????????????????

WTF!?

In answer to your question? LOL. Oh boy. I thought I had an SD who didn't want to see her BM. But apparently I have an SD who lies just for the sake of lying to see her BM?

I am confused, too...no worries. Wink

Cdngirl's picture

Submitted by Cdngirl on Thu, 05/21/2009 - 8:47am

My SD doesn't want to go to visit her BM. It was so bad last time that we had to get her before she made it to her bedroom where she said she was going to lock herself in and we wouldn't be able to make her go. It gets to the point that she will start with "I don't want to go to mom's" the week before she is to go. However we do make her go and we do have to deal with the attitude when she gets back. It has come down to her going every 3rd week instead of EOW because my SD will call her mom and ask not to come and then have to go the next week but she still with say I don't want to go. There is nothing we can do at this point because she is too young (10yrs). We have told her that she needs to talk to her BM and tell her why she doesn't want to go. SD tells us it is because of all the fighting at her BM house. I don't like making her go, but our hands are tied for right now.

Endora's picture

Submitted by Endora on Thu, 05/21/2009 - 1:17pm

Is at the point where he will not be seeing his BM EOW because-well, what almost 17 year old wants to hang out at Mom's place in a different neighborhood? So soon we will be having him ALL the time (he likes the great indoors and has few outside interests). When we got full custody of Zippy at 14-he was not even interested in seeing his Mom at all (actually since he was 12-DH and BM had 50/50-Zippy would be calling his Dad everyday of BM's 50% asking:

"Daddy, when are you coming to get me"-

Zippy's BM is really not that maternal.....sigh

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

JMC's picture

Submitted by JMC on Thu, 05/21/2009 - 1:30pm

JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'

or call BM either unless BM is buying her something (which is rare) or SD17 is mad at DH & me. SD17 lives with my in-laws and goes months without seeing or hearing from BM. We're getting ready to go through a major ordeal soon because the in-laws want her gone due to they can no longer deal with her wild, disrepectful behaviour. I've repeatedly told DH that SD17 cannot come live with us until she learns respect, rules and discipline - she'll have to go live with BM until then. I'll gladly pay BM what we pay the in-laws for her to live at BM's - let her deal with the drama for once. SD17 hasn't lived with BM since she was 3 yrs old - and BM has never contributed one red cent of cs to DH.