I just wanted to say thank you to all those on here who may have read about my "breakdown" - thank you for listening. To those who replied - thank you for reaching out to me. To those who had me in their prayers - thank you.

I cried myself to sleep and slept a long, long time.

I did not call my mum but she eventually contacted me. I could not actually speak to her because the stepkids were around, but we messaged back and forth and she was indeed a comfort, even though she does not always see the side of a stepmom (she is having her own issues with my dad right now and sometimes seems BM-ish in her advice to me).

To be honest, I caved in and cut my DH some slack. He didn't find words to say sorry or reassure me until very late last night, but he came home bearing chocolates. He was tired from working all day, in pain from damaging his back, and went straight to sleep in the afternoon, leaving me to fend with the kids. I really really felt like having nothing to do with them, but I sucked it up and cooked and chatted and played with them. It really is none of their fault in all of this and they reacted wonderfully to the news of another sibling and were full of excitement and joy. I really did my best to be fair to them.

DH and I fought it out after we dropped them back. More tears etc. but in the end, he managed to find some compassion for me, in my then state. We are ok now, and I feel 10 million times better.

It also helped to see how silly of me to think my baby isn't special, when I saw how BM reacted to the news. All she had to say was that, for someone who doesn't have a lot of money when it comes to his FIRST kids, he is sure in a hurry to have more kids, and she guesses that "her kids are just going to become more poorer". We take very good care of the kids and they don't lack for anything that they need, but they are not living a life of luxury. It is ALL about the money with her. The kids took the news well, but I wouldn't be surprised if next weekend there are all sorts of new issues/drama to deal with.

Anyway, thank you folks for being there and for understanding. It really is a rough journey, this step-life...