SS11 - "They gave away my big house..."
SS11 said something this weekend that really showed me that these kids just don't understand much.
We were talking about baby stuff - esp books - that they have here, that was kept for a long time, that my baby now uses. He pipes up that they had a lot more and it was given away - books, toys, clothes, our big house...
THE BIG HOUSE, huh?
The stepkids have no clue that a house costs a lot of money and that they and their parents did not actually own the house, given the amount still owed to the bank. Nor that the house was no longer worth the money that was being paid for it. Nor that given the separation, dad could no longer afford to pay for the house as well as a place for himself to live as well as child support.
All he knows is that HIS BIG WONDERFUL HOUSE was given away. And then DH had to give up his apartment and move in with his parents, so SS lived with grandparents in crowded houses, until his mom got a steal-of-a-deal 3br low-income housing apartment and he finally had his own room again. This after having his own room since the day he was born, and living in a huge, fancy, all-amenities-in-his-room house.
He also likes to talk longingly about the times when he used to go to fancy restaurants and eat steak. Or the times when dad would buy them Chik-Fil-A everyday. DH and I have never paid to eat at a fancy restaurant, and I have never eaten at a Chik-Fil-A, ever. So SS11 feels deprived, and heck, I feel deprived too!
But I know that they spent more than DH earned (and that DH worked day and night to try to cover it), I know the debts were all in his name, I know that financially he's actually better off now (even without a house), the debts are paid off (with contributions from me), and we're living within our means and slowly working toward owning a small house. So my mind is peaceful. But poor SS11, when will he even begin to understand and come to terms with it?
- stepmom31's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Reminds me of that Cosby
Reminds me of that Cosby episode when he was trying to teach Theo about the cost of moving out and used Monopoly money. Good idea!
You need to slowly clue him
You need to slowly clue him in on how much things cost. Like a learning experience. Not really related to what he had when he was younger but more of learning that things cost this much and what it cost to live. He will get it soon if you do things like that. No he is not too young to know that things have a cost and you have to earn them. Heck even my youngest ss knew that when he was about 7 or 8 he would ask me to do something to earn some money for something he wanted.
Blender said it better than I
Blender said it better than I did and you reminded me of when I did that with my ds. He thought he was going to work at game exchange for the rest of his life! I had a reality check on his butt real fast! He then thought he better go to school to be an IT tech!
True, he certainly does need
True, he certainly does need someone to paint the picture for him. I once tried the working scenario during some math lessons but that certainly hasn't stuck.
But gosh, why oh why must it be me to explain? I don't have bios their age, so it begins to sound like I'm the bringer of doomsday scenarios when I'm talking to them.
Yup, my DH is not interested in a) even mentioning anything about that house (too many hurtful memories, too much financial distress b)discussing financial stuff with the kids because he has this terrible guilt of not providing for them as he should/was. I know his ego is partly built around providing, so not giving them enough and them not appreciating what they do get, kills him on the inside.
But anyway, good points indeed. Will have to figure out a way to do it without sounding too preachy. So far, they do understand that things have a cost, it's the COST/EARNING relationship they certainly don't get, well SS11 anyway. SD12 has realized that a grown-up person's life is not so easy, and her latest song is "I don't want to grow up." She keeps saying it over and over.
my sd11 said to dh (at the
my sd11 said to dh (at the dining room table as we are eating a nice dinner)"Dad I don't want to be an AC Tech like you, I want to be something better like mommies boyfriend." We both looked at each other, I said "oh yeah, then you better start going to school and stop being so hurtful, because people don't hire people who don't go to school and hurt people or are bullies."
PAUSE
SD11 said, "What?"
I said, you heard me. There is no reason to be hurtful to your father who works hard everyday to put food on the table, and clothes on your back both here and at your mothers. So, if that is not good enough for you maybe you should start working.
SD11 looked at her father, looked at me and her sister who is 7 said "that was stupid"
If I had ever said that to my father, I would be staring at the world from the back of my head!
It's fine to teach them about money and the differences in peoples careers, but honestly, to be disrespectful to others is just uncalled for.
On another note, we recently bought a house, it's not very big, but it's ours and we can afford it. We have been living in the house since end of August. Recently, sd11 decided to start refering to the house as a "card board box". We told her she can stay at home at her mothers house if that was better for her, because we didn't want her to live below what she is accustom to.
Honestly, really....where do these kids get this stuff from? I think but hate to believe it, that BM and Gang are the ones planting the seeds in their heads. The BM lives with a guy who is pretty weathy and the Bio Grandma was married to a doctor that is very weathy. These kids like you can marry into weath and that it will be easy.
It's sad! I was not raised to believe that a man weathy or otherwise would take care of me, I have believed that I should take care of myself...but apparently that is not what BM and Gang is teaching these young girls. Then why is it my responsiblity to teach them about the difference in society and culture.
If you have asked me this question a year ago, I would have said yes it's our responsiblity to inform these skids about the differences in society and culture. But today after all I have been through with BM and Gang and all the insults I have been subjected to and all the battery that my poor DH has been through, I don't believe it's my responsiblity to teach them anything but respect of their elders and peers.
Afterall, if their own mother can explain to them the difference between working hard for something and manipulating someone to get it for you, then I can't either.
Our Bm has maybe had a job
Our Bm has maybe had a job for like about 2 years since she was 16. She is 39 now. SO told me when he was laid off when the SS's were way young he stayed home and did the childcare etc, cleaned the house and all..she went to work and lasted 2 weeks, it was office work at her AUNTS recruiment agency.
She is hte only child/grandchild and has pretty much learned that if you scream loud enough, or cry hard enough, someone somewhere will come along and sort out something for you or pay off your debts, or buy you a car, or pay for your holiday.
I despise people like this and it makes me sick.
I have never had more than a couple hundred bucks off my parents since I left home at 17 and I own everything I have outright.
I would LOVE to teach the
I would LOVE to teach the adult skids about responsibility, but how do you do it when everything is handed to them? Want a baby? Make a baby and let the taxpayers pay all of the doctor bills -- no cost to you! Want to eat? Get food stamps and welfare -- no cost to you! Want a place to live -- apply for low income housing, if you do it right, VERY little cost to you! Want a car? Put it in your baby daddy's name -- no cost to you!
Get the picture?