SD has an attitude with her parents; she's a GEM with me
Apparently SD (almost 13) has been giving her mom a hard time - trouble with schoolwork, nasty attitude, acting up. And apparently DH gets the call to talk to her and straighten her out.
Hmmm... this has only just begun. Does this mean DH is going to be the go-to-guy every time?
Are the phone calls going to escalate into him having to go over there to solve the problem?
I'm just worried - because he can't seem to be open with me regarding a simple phone call that's about his daughter - what's going to happen when he has to go there, is he going to do it behind my back and lie about it?
Anyway, they both had this coming - expecting very little of SD, not pushing her regrading schoolwork, letting her watch way tooo much TV, BM living an entitled life without working hard and SD thinking she can get away with the same, SD not getting a chance to see her hard-working dad in action because she does not live with him, BM focusing more on teaching her how to do her make-up for school rather than on schoolwork, DH being better at talking about consequences than enforcing them, etc etc etc...
The funny thing is that SD has been a gem with me lately. She washes dishes without being told, now hangs up her towel properly all the time, volunteers to help her bro take out the garbage, makes her bed and packs away stuff before she leaves on Sun, she asked me to help her with her math because she failed a test and wanted to take it over, she is awesome with her baby sister and a tremendous help to me that way. And I say - with ME - because she behaved this way even when DH had to work all weekend, and the kids were home with me. But she knows I push hard and I'm dead serious about consequences. I did one very minor thing to prove that and, hmmm, it sure has worked. It's so funny too... she had a fancy curly straw she liked to use. I told her to make sure she washes it when she uses it otherwise I will throw it out, because I am not washing it, she's too old to need a straw to drink with and therefore old enough to wash it herself. I gave her three chances, then DH and I hid it and I told her I threw it away. Had I known something as insignificant as that would have worked so well, I'd have done it a long time ago.
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Comments
Well, I would say you need
Well, I would say you need some time to let this play out. It's great that SD is so good for you. I would have LOVED to have SD be this way with her two half-sisters, but no go.
I really think some kids just respond better to some adults than others. My sister has a son who has behavior issues, and I guess recently he tore up his classroom (to the point where they had to evacuate the other kids for their safety). Yes, he can be a pain, but I teach him (Sunday school and horseback riding lessons), and beyond the usual pushing his boundaries, I haven't had a problem. I have had to put him in time out a couple of times, and I don't hesitate to correct his behavior, but I am not mean and he does not cause me problems. Like you, I took a firm line on his behavior once (when he tried to hit me), and since then I think he has respected me.
Our BM still calls DH to solve SD's behavior problems for her (SD is 17). I told him to let BM handle it because BM convinced SD to move in with her (we had primary custody) when SD was 15. BM wanted her so bad, let BM handle the discipline. Neither BM nor DH will do that, and DH is such a pushover that discipline is practically nonexistent, so SD knows she can get away with pretty much anything in her house. Bad situation to be in, in my opinion.
Isn't that funny how kids act
Isn't that funny how kids act one way with one parent and completely opposite with another? At our house SD is *lovely* and I would enjoy having her all the time. BM called DH recently to discuss how "mouthy" SD is. He and I were like "HUH?" SD then volunteered that she enjoys argueing/debating with her mother. I asked why she doens't do that at our house and she said because she is scared to. I told her good, you should be! She said her mom always argues back. Your one little consequence sent the message to SD and she listened. She probably respects you for it too.