Pics - I waited years for this!
My DH has finally put up a pic of OUR kids in his office. He has had pics of the stepkids since he moved into that office, pics that BM put in frames etc and he took when they divorced. For years, since the birth of our first baby, I have been begging him to put up a pic of our kids. It didn't matter to me for it to be in any fancy, expensive frame, or any frame at all for that matter. I would have settled for a computer print out put up with tape (and that is indeed what I have had to settle for). I took a beautiful pic of him and our daughter on their first Father's Day and gave it to him to put up and he NEVER did. In fact, he lost the picture. It would seem to me that he didn't want to put up a picture of him and our kids, because the one he put up is just of the kids, even though he has pics of him with the stepkids. I can't tell you how much breath I wasted trying to get him to understand that this was important to me. I can't believe such a simple, and what I consider to be an-automatic-thing-for-a-dad-to-do, took SO MANY YEARS - almost 3!
And no one who is part of a "normal" family would ever understand why this is such a big deal.
I am so happy that he finally did it, but I feel really depressed that the memory I have of fighting for this is so overwhelming. I honestly don't know if he did it because he thinks OUR kids deserve to be there too, or if he just doesn't want to hear about it anymore, so this is the easiest way to get me off his back.
It sucks, because more than me wanting their pic in the office, I wanted him to WANT their pics in his office.
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I asked my husband to do it,
I asked my husband to do it, then finally for father's day stuck a picture in a frame and told him to take it to the office. He really didn't have any excuses then. Left to his own devices, there still might not be a pic....but I think that's more laziness than him not wanting to do it.
Could that be the case here? He put up the SKs because BM made it easy for himby sticking it in a frame. You were asking him to do it, but it doesn't sound like you gave him a framed one. I know it sounds like no big deal, but my husband is super lazy when it comes to this stuff.
You might be getting upset at your DH for something that is more laziness than a slight at your bios.
I can understand his laziness
I can understand his laziness to put up a framed pic and do it all by himself. But I have told him so many times that that doesn't matter, it's the pics that matter. He said to give him a pic, and I did! And he lost it! I am such a frugal person, little things like having a nice picture frame don't bother me, I'm saving the money for more important stuff and my DH knows I am this way.
The pic he finally put up didn't take him a minute to do. Could be laziness, sure, almost 3 years worth of laziness. But there was definitely reluctance in there somewhere too. And if it's just laziness, well it's also lack of compassion, because knowing how important something is to me and waiting 3 years to do it definitely shows lack of compassion and understanding. I honestly don't feel like he's slighting our bios, but it did feel like he was slighting ME by not making any effort to put our kids' pics up. At home, I've done it for myself, but his office space is not my domain.
I totally understand why this
I totally understand why this is so important! It's like the skids have this hallowed status to him, but to me they're a reminder of his time with bm. And him ONLY having pictures of the skids around sucks. Dude, that was then, we are ALL your family now. UPDATE!!
My dh's grandmother is SO bad about bringing pictures to our house for dh. And they are always only of the skids or him with the skids. I guess she doesn't mean anything by it, but it pisses me off. I want to ask him if she's trying to remind him of how wonderful it was back when it was just the three of them. WTF.
My SS's BM has started giving
My SS's BM has started giving them framed pictures of her, DH, and them when they were little. Seriously??? Does she really think they need to be reminded of who their bio parents are?? If the pictures were just of her and them I could understand it, but NO, they are always of she and DH together. Really it's quite sad, but it still pisses me off!! I hope she doesn't expect them to be hung on the walls of our home!
Oh good grief. I'm sure the
Oh good grief. I'm sure the skids probably have the same sorts of pictures framed all over the walls of their rooms at bm's. She is ALWAYS telling them stories and things to repeat to us about things that happened when they were still together. (Not since the skids were 3 and UNDER 1) So pathetic, but it pisses me off, too.
I soooo feel where you are
I soooo feel where you are coming from!!! I have been asking my husband to take pictures of his kids out of our bedroom/bathroom for almost a year now and he won't do it!!! There are no pics of my kids in there, and I don't want to look at his kids pics when I'm taking a bubble bath! Ughh. How'd you get him to finally do it??
I honestly don't know what
I honestly don't know what convinced him. But I nagged, I really did. To the point where he called me "The WORST", and I told him if he considers me to be "the worst wife" he can call his lawyer. But I pointed out some other very rational points, such as the fact that he had time and energy to print out and put up a lot of other things in his office over this last year, and that if this and our kids and I were of ANY importance to him, then it'd be easy to find time to put up a pic especially since it doesn't cost a cent. And when he came at me about how I never offer to take pics of him with the kids, I had proof on hand of all the pics and video I had taken. I never offer, I just take the damn pics because they are just as important to me as pics with me in them! And somehow he doesn't understand that!
I haven't removed the pics of stepkids from our bedroom though, they no longer bother me. They are on his side of the bed and on his dresser and I have the pics I want of my kids and family on my side.