Rules for becoming a step-parent
As I sit here reading other situation I think there are some rules people that are first dating someone with kids should follow.
1. DO NOT MOVE INTO THE PARENTS HOUSE. This seems like a no brainier. If your SO has a house that the kids have lived in for years before you come along they will not respect your space in the office. Start somewhere fresh or they move into your house. And for the love of God do not move in to the house your SO shared with there ex. Really why would that even sound like a good idea.
2. DO NOT EVER TALK TO BIO-PARENT. I am guilty of this at first I thought how great it would be if everyone could get along well this will never happen. Don't sit and talk to the at events for the kids it just causes problems later.
3. TALK ABOUT WHAT YOUR HOME WILL BE LIKE. Before you move in together have a discussion on what rules you want in place and your expectations. Discuss holidays, work, child care everything that is important to you.
4. TAKE A PARENTING CLASS. You and your SO should take a class together and make some decisions on parenting styles. (Even if you are not parenting Skids at all you are stuck living with the consequences of your parents parenting or lack of parenting.)
Does anyone else have any ruled or advice?
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Comments
Do not try to talk DH into
Do not try to talk DH into getting more custody of skid.
Do not try to force the kid to eat what YOU want it to eat.
Do not try to parent skid.
Do not believe BM is as bad as your DH says.
Do not become the baby sitter.
These are some good ones as
These are some good ones as well. That people fall into in the beginning
You are correct, I think in
You are correct, I think in the beginning most stepmothers often want to try and be a good stepmom. But then the reality comes in that their is an ex who simply doesn't like you because you are basically her replacement and skids that don't like you because you are breathing.
I just don't get it. BM's are
I just don't get it. BM's are all ready to move on and bring men in to the kids lives. Stepdads that are decent get treated as if they are the best people ever but Stepmom get treated like evil villains no matter what they do or do not do.
"Do not believe BM is as bad
"Do not believe BM is as bad as your DH says."
Oh, how I wished my SO had exaggerated. I had the opposite trouble - burying his head in the sand, deeming her normal, deeming their dysfunction "amicable coparenting" and looking to me as if I were trying to cause problems by telling him that BM was coo coo for cocoa puffs.
So, basically just don't believe DH's version of BM.
Funny, DH doesn't say bad
Funny, DH doesn't say bad things about BM to me, never did.
I think he is too embarrassed already, hates to think or talk about his mistake.
She however made it VERY clear how "bad" of a person she was all on her own!
"She however made it VERY
"She however made it VERY clear how "bad" of a person she was all on her own!"
Our BM is REALLY good at THIS! No effort on my and DH's part! We just sit back and watch the disaster unfold. It's really quite entertaining LOL
Lol! When DH bad-mouths BM, I
Lol! When DH bad-mouths BM, I jus have to chuckle to myself. I always think "well, you're the one who stuck his dick in her." I don't really care if she's good or bad, I follow the "don't talk to BM" rule and everything seems to work out okay.
Here was my rule: You do for
Here was my rule: You do for your kid, since she's yours, and I will go about my life.
The great thing about my DH? I didn't even have to say it, it just was.
Don't get me wrong, I did things for my SD and the 3 of us did things together, but it was a choice, not an expectation.
That's awesome
That's awesome
Don't be anything other the
Don't be anything other the SO. You are nothing more to skid than bio parent's SO.
Make sure you are respected on your terms. If this does not happen, break it off.
I like this.
I like this.
Make sure there's a custody
Make sure there's a custody order already in place before your dating gets serious
Ignore the whore
Read the custody order before
Read the custody order before getting serious. DH used to be about 3 sentences it has since gotten a lot longer.
Rule 1 is so right. I moved
Rule 1 is so right. I moved in like four and a half years ago. We've since gotten married and had two kids of our own. Yet sometimes I still feel like a guest in my home. It doesn't help that in some of our really bad fights, DH so kindly reminds me that it's his house so I'd be the one to have to move. So maybe it's just a good rule in general, to find a new place whenever you decide to move in with someone.