A new day!
Today is the first day i am going to start disengaging.
Im going to let her know we need to leave for school at 9am, and remind her to be ready by then and no other reminders. (usually i give her at least 5 reminders of when we need to leave, but she can read a clock she can manage her own time.)
Im going to be standing at the door at 9am and say i'm leaving with or with out you. if she is not ready she can walk. the school is only 8 blocks away, she will be fine, just late.
And then she is out of my hair until 330.
Im going to go to her school to pick her up, while at school I'm going to ask her if she remembered her homework. If she didn't i will wait in my car until SHE goes and gets it. (she always expects me to go get the things she forgets)
then when we get home I'm going to make dinner while she dose homework so that i'm distracted and to busy to assist her. her father will be home in less then 30 minutes and he can help her with what she doesn't understand. Then she is her father problem after that!
Im very nervous that i wont be able to stick with this, and ill get cranky. i can here her coming in and out of her room already and even that annoys me. who slams doors when they think others are sleeping. Another this that really gets me annoyed she is doesn't flush the toilet or use toilet paper. One its not healthy, two it makes my bathroom stink! I've have herd her go into the bathroom already today and i didn't hear any flushing...
OMG what is she doing! she has some in and out of her room at least 4 times sense I've started typing this. i'm trying really hard not to care but its hard! i'm sure she is doing something she is not supposed to.
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Failure already, she just
Failure already, she just came in my room. (with out knocking i might add) and tells me she is going to watch tv before she gets dressed. The bossiness in me came out and said "no, you need to get dressed" and then she slammed my door.
What i should have said is. "You can do what ever you like, but at 9am i am leave to take you to school weather you are ready or not".
Ugg this is going to be a long road.
I have an ipod, but i don't
I have an ipod, but i don't know how to use it, and HD got me some new headphones for my computer last week, because i watch movies on my computer a lot. i should learn how to use it. or i think i can hook it up to my phone and use iheartraido. That's a good suggestion thank you!
She just came in my room again (with out knocking!!), asking me to do something for her. i ignored her question and said that we need to leave in 30 minutes (which is 9am) and i highly suggest that she is ready to go by then, and asked her to kindly shut my door.
I really love all the
I really love all the support, this website has really helped me. Instend of feeling mean and crazy. i feel like what i am feeling is normal and i have others who can relate! its so nice.
I too am in need of
I too am in need of assistance in learning how to disengage. I fear if I keep letting my SD get under my skin the way she does I'll be divorced soon. The only problem I have is my DH gets upset if I don't jump when his lil princess sayes jump. Stay strong. OH and my SD doesn't flush or wipe either, it's totally gross, then she wonders why it burns sometimes when she goes. Start cleaning yourself you nastly little.. argh see the anger comes on just thinking about it...
JennySue. I feel for you, i
JennySue. I feel for you, i have the same feelings. Thankfully i am not married yet, so need to find a change before we do. i love her father like crazy and im not willing to let this little monster ruin our happiness. I'm going to try and stay posted on what is going on in your life. We can support eachother
I'm with you. I love my
I'm with you. I love my husband dearly. I do not want to let this kid ruin what I have with him, even though my life is hell when she's around. He's clueless or just selectively blind to her antics.
This morning it was 11 degrees outside, he offered to go start my car for me since he had to get something out of it anyway. Great thank you. While walking out the door he said hey wake up "lil princess" (as I like to call her sarcastically) and start getting her dress for school. He was out the door before I could object. I go in her room, wake her up kindly, say her name softly, nudge nudge, then slowly get louder she wakes up. I say hey time to get ready for school. She starts waking up then asks, is my daddy still home. yes he is he's outside. Then she curls up in a ball and said i want him not you leave me alone. Ok, I walk out he comes back in, I tell him she wants him and I'm leaving. I say good bye to him. then i say bye lil princess *crickets* have a good day at school *crickets*. I shake my head and as I'm about to close the door i hear him telling her she should have said good bye to me... I love to read. So that's my master plan. I'm giving up on caring if she eats right or at all, she doesn't shower that's between them, she doesn't wipe that's her UTI, don't brush your teeth that's between them, don't want to bathe if you want to be the stinky kid in class that's not my problem. We just need to keep telling ourselves not my problem. Maybe it gets easier... But seeing someone become a dirty hoosier is hard to watch without wanting to scream. And I have my MIL guilting me into "being there" for this little brat that clearly has made it her mission to cause friction between her father and myself. We were havign some problems before we got married after we did, she wants to stake her claim on her daddy... Read my last blog entry you'll she what I'm dealing with
Are you talking about the
Are you talking about the inappropriate sexual behavior one? they would mortify me! thankfully SD is very shy about being undressed so if she was doing something inappropriate physically i would know about it right away.
Though i am very scared for when she hits puberty (12 or so) because she is easily swayed by others and she doesn't listen to what we say, so no matter if i say sex is for when you are older and in love she would do it if someone told her it was fun. im sure she would do it now if someone told her it was fun. I'm going to end up with a step grandmother at 28. scares the crap out of me.
Dont get my started on my
Dont get my started on my MIL, she is the root of all this! my MIL doesn't understand why SD dose all this and is in denial, even though SD is just as unruly when she is with her too. MIL is always wonderful to me and if i ever need help she will help as she can, because she is out of state. She always thanks me for being a part of her family and taking on such a hard and big role. but i still feel like she makes excuses for SD, and she rarely agrees with our punishments. She is always sending gifts and sweets. which again is very nice, but i don't want to reward a rotten child. Sometimes when the packages come, i don't go get it from the post office until SD is at school so i can put away what i don't think is appropriate.
Same here. Mine is wonderful
Same here. Mine is wonderful to me. A couple of weeks ago she noticed I only interacted with SD when spoken to. She asked me what was wrong. I didn't go into extreme detail because she'll defend SD even if she knows she's wrong. I told her I feel like giving up on even trying to be a good step parent, the kid clearly doesn't want me around and I'm fighting a loosing battle, SD is becoming more and more like her BM every day. She told me not to give up the kid "loves" me she is just pushing me to see how far she can go. Ok granted I have no kids of my own, but my sister and my niece lived in the same house with my parents and me until about the time I graduated from High School so I was around my niece daily for 4 years. She tested limits but not the way this kid does. I had to stop myself from saying, you don't understand I'm at the point I hate everything about that kid. That would have been saying to much... Fact of the matter is no one knows how I really feel about her except for when I get on this site
This is interesting we are
This is interesting we are very similar. I lived with my mother until 2009, and my mom and i took care of my niece sense birth, i don't have children of my own but i woke up every-night with my niece until she was able to sleep in her own room. Im the one who way there for her first steps, first day of school. it kills me that i cant have her over to my house with out SD treating her like child. from 2009 to 2012, my mom and i lived close and shared her 50/50) My niece is the best child i have ever met, so smart, honest, kind, caring. just wonderful. So i know i can be a good parent because i raised that child to be amazing. I just don't know how to fix a child who is already ruined. I literally have to remind my self to be nice to her, because i want to treat her the way she treats me.
I am slightly honest with my MIL and my HD about SD, they both know i cant handle her half the time and that i don't have a motherly feeling for her. i go on walks a lot because i get tired of being upset. i don't want to be frustrated or yelling but its so hard, its like talking to a brick wall. I have never told anyone but my own mother that i hate her. and my mother is very supportive she knows im trying that i don't want to hate her, i just do.