My heart is hurting so bad right now. I don't care what kind of a parent you are, having to walk away from a sick 3yo who is begging you not to leave her there is the worst feeling in the world.

I wish I could know everything that goes on over at the house BM is staying at because SD has just started to get extreamly upset when I mention her mom is going to pick her up after work or at the time BM gets here. It scares me really because she has always been excited to see BM when she picked her up before, what's changed? SD just keeps telling me over and over that she doesn't like Vicki, the ex-fiancee's mom(The woman who owns the house and lives there too). I wish 3yo's could give more details, she tried to tell me Vicki tells mommy she's stupid.

I don't know though, lately SD has started to make up excuses for other things. For example she plays with our two small dogs a lot. When the dogs have had enough they hide under the bed or under a chair to get away from her. I tell her that's enough and to go play something else. Then when I catch her going after them again I say her name and she automaically spits out something like, "I was just helpling her get out." or "He wants a drink of water, I just helping him go get a drink." I realize she's only 3 and all kids prob. go through something just like this, it just bothers me how easily she does it and reminds me too much of BM. Back to the point, I know she may have lied about Vicki.

SD tries to hide when BM comes to get her and is even telling BM, "I want to spend the night with MA!". She asked BM if they could stay over here for dinner. BM said, "well mommy doesn't want to eat here!" SD argued, "but I do, I don't want to go!" I really do try to back her up because SD is usually well behaved for me, but it doesn't seem to matter. SD is determined to let BM know what she wants. I personally think this is her child centeredness approach of giving SD everything she want so she will be her buddy backfireing on her. But has anyone else encountered a change in behavior like this and it ended up being because of something serious??

I think SD's sudden desire to stay w/ me intead of going w/ BM has ruffled her feathers and thrown a monkey wrench in our progress at reaching an agreement. She and H go into it over the phone after work yesterday. She told H she really wants SD in daycare instead of letting me watch her because she doesn't want SD "spending everyday of the year" over here. And because she doesn't like SD telling her she wants to have dinner at our house. Well duh, we actually cook over here and sit down together to eat. SD has even gotten in the habit of asking H, "Daddy, how was work?", they pick up on everything don't they.

So H and I have been aware of BM's myspace for almost a year. Several months ago she set it to private so all we can see now is her front page photo and basic info but we still log on under an fake myspace to see her pic. and quote now and then. About a week ago I cheked and she had a pic. of herself sitting on the floor in a teddy with her cleavage busting out and her legs spread to the camera. She was holding her phone over her head a pointing it at a mirror she took the pic. in. I thought how sick! She and H are in the middle of a war over who can provide the best future for their daughter, I can hardly seep at night thinking of SD, and there's BM putting pics of herself on the internet for the world to see.
And H and I thought that was bad, then first thing this morning, at the time she called H to tell him she is leaving to take SD to the doctor, I log on and there she is! Not only is she still on her myspace, she has updated her pic as of this morning to a side shot of her topless covering her nipples with her hand!!! :o What is wrong with this woman!!! Is that how selfish, self absorbed people relieve stress? She was so upset about the arguement w/H that she had to post naked pictures of herself to feel better? And she has a sick child with her, how can she even be thinking of herself right now?

But she did allow my mom and I to come by to see SD before my mom leaves for Alaska for two weeks. Got to say I was surprised. H and I always make things work out for her fam, but for us she usually left her phone in her friends car or some other dumb excuse. My mom and I both cried when we go in the car. That little girl is crying out to us to help her and take her away from there! I feel so much like I'm letting her down when all I can do reassure her it will be time to come over again soon, hug and kiss her and walk away. We saw her sad face in the window as we backed out of the driveway.:(

H wants to show BM the photos we printed of her myspace and let her know that he will be expressing his concerns to the evaluator if she will not agree to a rule 11 and we have to go through with the social study. I would really appreiciate some other opinions on this. We don't believe we have enough info show she is a poor parent. She's just messed up mentally (prob by her abusive, controlling mother), and a very poor role model for a little girl.
H also wants to tell BM that if we have to go through with trial he will request a jury and the pics could be shown to them. Is this too much like blackmail?? :? We just want her to see that she wont be able to present herself as the innocent victim and us as the bad guys trying to steal her daughter. Please, please, please let me know some outside opinions.
Thanks in advance.