I get emotionally tied up in knots thinking about SD and how complicated her life is. She is only 4 years old and already has to question the motives of the very people she should trust to guide her and teach right and wrong.

Even though DH and I have never lied to her or used her, just the things we know BM has said have caused her to question us as to whether or not we are the good people or bad like BM says.

I read somewhere about how a parent is a child's first example of what God is to us. In the sense that a very young child should feel that his/her parent is in his/her eyes perfect, sees all, know's all, diciplins wrong, but loves unconditionally.

I wonder how it works for kids raised the way many of our skids are?

I get upset when I think about a hearing we had in court, while BM was trying to get a protective order against DH based on a bunch of lies. Our attorney,DH and I were trying to defend our keeping SD from BM when we found out her ex (that she was still living with) had drug and alcohol problems.

The judge came right out and told BM and DH that he did not care who BM took SD around and DH needed to forget that because he's the one who made a baby with BM, not the judge.

Seriously!

Now, he did say that right before he slammed BM and told her on the road she is on he knows she'll end up in the pen. But still.

The judge went so far as to say to BM and DH that they needed to learn real quick to get along or else he will be sure they both regret it. He said he was real close to taking SD away from both of them and putting her in foster care!

It makes me sick.

DH has taken responsibility for creating SD in every possible way. As a responsible father he feels he must protect this child he helped create when he feels she is in danger.

But the judge didn't see it that way.

It's the most helpless feeling in the world to watch the other parent destroy your child's innocence and possibly her future and know the judge says it's all your fault because you made a baby with a crazy person.

I just wish all family courts could be run by judges and social study caseworkers who could see clearly that while the parents should be held responsible for creating the child, the child should not be punished for the parent's irresponsibility or bad behavior.

Guess it's not a perfect world, huh.

But next time, were asking for the psych eval on BM!!!