BM's license is suspended because of her DWI. Would you let her pick SD up?
I got all the sentancing info and found that BM must have an Interlock system to get an occupational license to drive at all. Dh and I were pretty sure she didn't have an occupational license because she left her car at the daycare after she called the police last week.
When we picked SD up last night Dh looked in both of BM's cars (she has one that doesn't run because she let some guy drive when she had no ins. and he ruined the engine) and she doesn't have the Interlock breath thing in either one. Therefor, she does not have a licence to drive at all!
She is supposed to pick SD up Saturday morning and DH had said he will refuse to allow her to take SD because it says specifically in the orders that the person who picks up SD must have a drivers license that has not been suspended. (It's weird because I added the license and suspended stuff in the rule 11 areement myself, kinda made it up, but NEVER thought of how it may one day apply to BM herself! Crazy huh?) Guess I'm a psychic. Dh says he wants her to go ahead and call the police and when they arrive tell them she is driving on a suspended license. Now, I understand that DH is being a little vicious, I also understand that she tried to get him arrested last week by lying to the police.
Anyway, it can't happen that way because DH has to be at work before BM comes to get SD and I am smart enough to know not to put myself in that situation.
My question is, what do I do? Our attorney is preparing the paperwork to try and have new temp orders set so that SD is with us full time until the social study is complete, (that will take 90 days and they havent even started yet) and we are basing it on the fact that BM has gone against everything in the temp orders set in August and we have just found out about her criminal record including violence and alcohol abuse.
One thought I had is to voulenteer to take SD to BM at her house. I feel like that may protect SD because if BM gets pulled over she will be arrested (from what I have read in Texas DPS)and I would hate for that to happen with SD.
Or do I just allow her to pick her up? Or should DH call BM and tell her send someone else to get SD? We really don't want to show BM that we know about her criminal record until after the papers are filed for the new hearing.
Please let me know what you all think. I'm stumped.
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I have experience with this one...
My ex.. has had his license revoked and needed an occupational to drive.
I refused to let the kids drive with him until I saw the occupational and the conditions of the occupational-- it will list the allowed periods of driving and yes they can include pick up an drop off In my state). I wasn't being vindictive.. I just worried what two small kids would do if dad was hauled away for driving after revocation... they didn't need the hassle. I had ex arrange to have his dad or trusted friend (that I knew) do pick ups and drop offs until the occupational kicked in..
BTW I also had to confront ex on his status.. after knowing him for 35 years.. I could tell 'something' was up just by his behavior towards me.. I looked him up on circuit court and found out... He had not told me yet. Yeah he was p##### off but hey.. these are our kids..
Even if you dropped her off
are you sure BM won't drive over the weekend with SD? That's what would concern me. They will obviously not stay at home all weekend.
Oh yes, we are very concerned.
We are certain she will continue to drive with SD, she has been since her license was suspended. I happened to take pictures of her putting SD in the car when she picked her up one day and intend to have those at the hearing in case BM tries to lie about it.
Dh and I are having a terrible time because even though we feel keeping SD from BM is best until a Judge decides it is safe for BM to have her, or decides that it is not safe and only allows BM supervised visitation, our attorney has us filled with fear that a judge will penalize us for denying BM's time and that may negatively attect our case.
I begged our attorney to get the papers done this week but he said he was booked and it would be Monday. DO you think it will look worse on us if we (1)keep SD and tell BM she may not have her until we hear from the court, and then we pray that the judge sees it our way and understands that we are seriously concerned for SD.Or (2) Allow BM to have SD for her possession time knowing she will probably drive illegally with SD and pray that the court doesn't look at us as badly that we knowingly put SD in a bad situation?
Hanny you are so right, BM absolutly WILL NOT stay home. She can't stand that and she has told me that many times. What do we do????
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
I think the courts will say
that you are okay with making sure that at the time of transition that she is required to have a valid license (or alternate driver). But that you can not anticipate what she will do or not do once at their home.
Thanks Persephone, that
Thanks Persephone, that makes me feel much better. You are right, we really shouldn't have to baby sit BM to make sure she does the right thing. She is just extreamly selfish and makes very poor decisions. It is so frustrating that DH is constantly having to tell her what is right and what is wrong in order for her to correct things. For example, "your mom beat you when SD was in the house so she really is not a good example for Sd and Sd should not be living there", then she moved out. Of course she always has to try to make it look like it was her idea in the first place. I hate that we may sound like we are trying to control her, we really aren't and would like to just leave her alone, but we can't trust her to do right for SD.
I was looking at psychological disorders online yesterday and she has several, well, in my opinion.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-