First after reading posts on here its nice to know there are people who understand what im going through...

a little intro i am BM to my BD5 and my BS 10months old and full time step mom to SS8 and SS6.

my DH has had the primary custody of both his boys my, SS's ages 6 and 8, since they were born. BM has always caused him heartache. She never even payed any CS, but last year she crossed the line. In may she made a huge, completely false tho, allegation against DH. went to court took the kids away for 6 weeks and we were forced to spend over 8k to fight her for the kids back. it all blew over and DH was found completely innocent. but right before we got the boys back, she gave us a days notice that she was moved the day after the next court hearing. but since DH was found innocent the kids were ordered to be returned to our care. when they returned she had written 911 in permanent marker on there arms in huge numbers, scared both boys to high heaven of DH to the point of them being soo upset they were throwing up. took the whole summer for them to calm down and trust us again after 6 weeks of brainwashing. the in the fall we had a JDR where we rewrote with much more details a new custody arrangement where BM actually ended up with more time than she had before. she got every Friday after school to Sunday morning and split vacations and 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off in the summer and alternating holidays. Things were ok with that til around Christmas, when she decided to go to a Christmas party with her new husband rather than take her sons that weekend. the kids were crying over that. the she takes them first half of winter vacation and within 2 days called up complaining about SS8 demanding we take him back home but that SS6 stays with her. DH refuses to split the boys so she was told keep both or send both home. She ended up keeping both. then in January she and DH had a long overdue CS meeting. who would believe it she goes in whining about how she doesn't make enough and ends up with no CS, ridiculous if you ask me, and then goes on to accuse my DH of not letting her be involved in the schooling which is not true shes only not allowed to pick the kids up from school is all. so now we get to the most recent outrageous actions she has done. we had a meeting for SS6 cuz he's delayed she was a no show go figure important meeting why would BM be there hmmm.... the parent teacher conferences come up and she was informed repeatedly. she shows up, a Miracle, but my BD was supposed to be first cuz DH wasn't going to be there early enough so i could handle BD's meeting alone but meeting ran late with the kid before BD so he was there by the time it was time to meet about BD. so BM of SS6 flat out demands we do SS6's meeting first so she can head home. completely rude but i allowed it cuz the teacher asked us if that was OK. the whole meeting shes trying to suggest that SS6 might have ADHD but he is in no way hyper. any the next day was SS8's meeting she waited til 30 minutes before the meeting to call DH and say she is not coming, SS8 was crushed. and then 2 weekends ago both SS8 and SS6 went to her house for the weekend and when they came back SS6 was horribly sick we took care of him and he was almost 100% by the next weekend which she ends up being over an hour late without calling to let us know. when she arrives she claims her other son with her new husband had to go to the emergency room and has pneumonia hes 18 months BTW. she then takes the boys. and calls us within the hour and asks if she should take SS6 to the hospital too because he is coughing a little. he was almost 100% when he left our house. he has asthma and she smokes i wonder why he might be coughing. so after that weekend they basically write us an email blaming SS6 for getting BM sick and his half brother sick with RSV she now calls it. blaming a 6 year old how mature. anyways she runs a daycare in her home and apparently SS6 got there daycare child sick as well. and we are getting blamed that they lost 250 dollars apparently going to the hospital and lost wages... so then just last night she emails us a list of policy's for her day-home and told DH during the day on a phone call that she is just going to treat SS8 and SS6 like kids in her daycare. WTF REALLY??? these are her biological kids and she acts like this... its no wonder they don't want to go there most days. oh and she is ordering us that she needs a doctors note saying they aren't contagious for any runny nose fever cough sneeze or sniffle... i cant stand her most days!!!!