BM invited to a family gathering.
DH and I want to decline a wedding invitation from his nephew. Nephew keeps leaving messages wanting to know if we are going to RSVP. Nephew and his GF are good friends with BM and we know they invited her. I personally have not been close with nephew and his GF in the past 8 years. DH hasn't really spoken to his nephew either. Nephew knows the hell BM put DH through and nephew still chose to be "closer" with BM. Inviting her to their family gatherings and just hanging out on weekends clubing it up with her and what ever boyfriend she had at the time. So, how do we decline? Making it clear we will not attend because BM was invited. We will not attend any family gathers that BM is invited to.We want to get our message clear to them since they are "gossipers" and will tell the other family members.
- SMto5's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
So let me get this straight.
So let me get this straight. Your DH hasn't spoken to the nephew in nearly 8 years, and now nephew wants him to come to the wedding after nearly no contact? Well, we know what he wants.... $$$$$$. If you don't want to stir up trouble because of the gossipers, maybe just indicate to him that you are unable to make it that weekend and apologize. Congratulate him and his soon-to-be new bridge, and maybe suggest that the four of you go out to dinner some place later after they get back from their honeymoon. If he presses, maybe politely explain it is just very uncomfortable to be around BM, and you don't need to go into detail. Why give them kindling for the fire. If he presses more, tell him that is enough information and leave it at that. You don't owe anybody any more of an explanation than that. Especially after 8 years! Gracious! All the best to you!
I expect I'm going to be dealing with this kind of mess/situation soon, except the BM in my situation has a restraining order, that she flagrantly ignores -- so if it comes to it, my DH won't even be able to attend his own daughter's wedding if BM comes because if she is there and he doesn't call the police on her for violating the restraining order, then the next time around if she violates it, the police will say "well, you were fine with her being around at this time, why now?" We ran into that about two years ago. Bit us right in the ass. And then if we do go, do call the police, then we're the asses who called the police on BM at SD22's wedding. Catch 22. Rock/hard place. Fun fun fun.
This isn't difficult. You
This isn't difficult.
You decline because you want the event to go smooth and all have a good time. Because of the disruptive past behavior of the ex-wife directed towards both of you, you will NOT be attending.
Don't forget to add your "Best Wishes to Uou and the Bride."
btw...do you feel he's wanting to know if you're coming for a head count or because the EX wants to know if you'll be there.
The sooner you let the nephi know you won't be attending, the better of you'll be. Just do it and be done with the whole thing.
I wish we could get a
I wish we could get a restraining order on BM, haha. But she really hasn't done anything but an annoying childish bitch! We tried once going to family gathering with her there and all she did was stare at DH and doing things to get his attention (laughing loudly, going around hugging all the family, that's once upon a time she couldn't stand and dancing right in front of him) and gave me the "evil eye" so uncomfortable.
DoneWithIt....I never thought
DoneWithIt....I never thought about that... If BM wants to know if we are going. Maybe she wants to know so she could be sure to wear her best dress :sick:
Yes, this was a discussion
Yes, this was a discussion about this time last night about the annoying ex-wife.
You might let nephi know due to hearing that when you attend functions that the ex also attends, upon seeing you she's so titilated and animated that she relieves her pent up anxiety by body hugging poor poor souls that can't get away from her. Therefore, to spare guests of her neanderthal behavior, you'll have to pass.
why don't you just check no
why don't you just check no or 0 will attend on the rsvp and return it in the sesa?
Some exes just have no class
Some exes just have no class do they. The ex should not be attending your family events at all even if she is invited except in those very rare instances where boundaries have been clearly delineated and are respected by all parties.
An ex with a strong sense of self-esteem and common courtesy would know enough to graciously decline such invitations. The Ex is just that, an ex. She is no longer a member of your husband’s family. Whether or not she can remain a family FRIEND depends very much on her behaviour.
Now plenty of families don’t understand or do understand and don’t care about the new lay of the land. And for their personal and often sadistic reasons will continue to invite an ex to family events under the guise of “the children”. Some of them actually enjoy the drama and sit back smiling smugly as the drama unfolds. Nothing gets the blood pumping quite like a good ole hate dad’s wife fest.
Your nephew likely has very little understanding of the dynamic. While you would love to be able to attend a family event you can’t because the ex is going to be present deliberately causing you two grief in many ways.
So I would also decline the invitation with a straightforward explanation of why. I would not leave it up to them to speculate and gossip about why you aren’t going—lay it straight on the table.
Wish them all the best in their upcoming nuptials, send a small gift and done and done.
Do not expect that they will have seen the light because of your explanation because they won’t. But every time they try to gossip ie make stuff up about why you two didn’t attend the wedding the memory of your real reason will click into their consciousness too.