Not at all. And I actually liked all of my step-parents. But I was a great kid who definately didn't have a disney mom.

But I think as well, that back then so much emphasis was not put on making kids happy. These days it seems like we are getting more into making kids happy all of the time. I think that is doing kids an injustice. I think happier parents will make happier kids.

Not at all. In fact it hindered my progress in allowing my husband to step in and be a good stepfather...I have trouble letting go of my fears from childhood. I had a horrible stepfather. I shield my son without even realizing it just bc of the step situation I grew up with. So, no. It didn't help prepare me. Every situation is different. "Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

I really think that back when I was a kid, people were more focused on healing themselves and noone really thought of how it was going to affect kids. Also, it seems that back when I was a kid, joint custody was not as prevelent. And so, there wasn't a situation where you constantly had to be in your ex's face all of the time. I think that joint custody is confusing and worse for kids. It provides no stability and it also creates tension when two people who don't get along, or who blame each other have to constantly be in each other's faces.

We are planning to move away, just to get away from BM. She is a mean vengeful bitch, and we don't want her drama anymore. I think that once he is out of the equation, that her drama will stop, because when you are all alone, you have noone to blame for your mistakes but yourself.

My parents divorced and remarried when I was still young. I had a great relationship with my SM, and a working relationship with my SF, and now that I'm older, I'm close with both. I thought that I would definitely have a leg up blending a family because of my experience, but OMG I've never been more wrong. I think that the biggest difference was that as a child, I knew from the beginning that any disrespect towards my SF or SM would be met with swift punishment, and I feel in my relationship that not causing a tantrum is more important than enforcing respect. As often heard on this board, if we can't make it work, I will never do it again.

Not at all-- it's opened my eyes to some of the things my dad and SM faced, some of the hurt and stress I am sure we caused both of them, and how hard they had to have worked on their marriage all these years (they've been married 20 years).
I may not really like my SM- thought she's harmless. But I appreciate how much she has continued to struggle to have a relationship with my siblings and I; and how hard my dad worked to not take things personally, to support us and be a part of our lives even when we didn't want to be at their house, and yet to establish his marriage to her at the same time.
I go to them for support, advice, and as sounding-boards for me a lot.

I think it's helped me relate to SD but I do not think that it helped me prepare for life as a SM. On the contrary, it may have hurt me. My parents did not get along (still don't), as DH and I don't get along with BM, but my parents were smart about it and stayed the hell away from each other. Having this style of parenting where DH and BM are "friendly," even if it's only on the surface, annoys the death out of me. I hate having to sit by BM at basketball games, or have her call my phone, or have joint birthdays with her. I want to have no contact with her, to do birthdays and holidays separately and to generally deny the other person's existence. That's what I was expecting but never got, and I resent it completely.

Granted, I don't think I'd be okay with the BM situation even if I'd never been in blended family, but it makes me bitter since I'm convinced that my way is better. I also get bothered that neither DH nor BM give me any credit as far as knowledge. They think that because I'm newer to their family that I don't know as well as they do, that my opinions on things aren't as valid. Sometimes I just want to scream at them "I have 20 years of blended family experience on you bastards! Stop treating me like a rookie!"

I came from an intact marriage...but my DH did not...with that said, I think him having a step-dad did not help our situation...why? Because his view was only from the BM point of view (what she told him about his father), therefore, he always (at the begining) tried to do everything his mother told him his dad didn't do...with that, he kissed the BMs butt, let her take advantage of him, etc...so that he wouldn't be labeled as his bio-dad by his mother...he wanted to do everything he was told his bio-dad didn't do...it caused lots of trouble in our marriage...in addition, his stepdad was allowed to correct him, hit him, spank him, etc...which I would never do to his daughter, but he also didn't mind if I did correct her, which of course, caused alot of grief with the bio-mom...again, I have never punished or hit her daughter, never...He thought that a "blended" family would be the same as what he had, but it was nowhere near it because he was the NCP...eventually, what happened was he realized that in a blended family if you are a custodial mother your partner is to be looked at as a father, and therefore allowed to punish you...but if you are either non-custodial or a custodial father, the rules are very different...always to the benefit of the bio-mother...so in our case, it did cause problems...except eventually he realized that both could not be equal...and thus now he's not so thrilled about the way his mother allowed his stepfather to treat him...hmmm

Actually.....at this point of my life...I am GLAD I had the stereotypical evil fairytale SM.....I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be a SM, but that experience made me know all too well what it felt like to be unloved, and at times, loathed, resented and even hated....once I made a decision to take on being a SM, I knew what I would NEVER do to my skids....its soooo funny how life truly does go full circle....had I NOT had that kind of SM, I might be that kind of SM to my skids....make sense?

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

I came from an intact family as well.... however my DH did not. I was not prepared for this at all. I have been previously divorced before this marriage and still was not prepared. I did not dwell on the break up in my life - and tried as best I could remain sane acting and amenable without the drama. It works I guess - since my xH just left the entire situation for years - he of course loved the drama and decided since he could start drama he would just leave..... although now he is finally getting back in my daughter's life.

However, now I am involved in a situation where BM is just outrageous - and she is a product of a intact marriage. However, she does not see the benefit of DH being active in his daughter's life. She acts as if only she should have any say so, any rights and just collect a child support check - since DH did not marry her 7 years ago.

It is just sad. I wish in my situation that all side could just be cordial and put SD first - and realize that even though we may not be in the ideal situation - it is better to make peace for SD's sake then to make war for BMs benefit.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

My husband calls my family the Huxtables. LOL, we are great! Same mom, same dad, six great kids, all we are missing is the white picket fence.

My husband on the other hand, was raised by his mom and stepdad, and met his real father about 4 times in his life. His real dad had nearly 20 children with about 7 different women.

I was NOT prepared for it, and neither was my husband because his stepdad raised him as his child, so there was no back and forth and CS and baby mama drama and all that jazz.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~