I give up

I am not going to even try and help FSS anymore. Fiancee's sister said they won't change how they treat my fiancee or FSS because she wants her mom to be happy...Give me a break...so in other words they're going to keep spoiling him so he turns into a bigger monster and there's nothing we can do about it, they just don't care. And yesterday really upset me, noone will listen to us because they all think they're right. The sad thing is, his side of the family hates BM because she's a poor mother...but they do some of the same things she does..whatever...it's not my kid, I shouldn't even care...but I do...I made myself sick last night I was so angry...I don't understand how a woman can give birth to a child and just not care to take care of him/her....he's been sick for 3 weeks with bronchitis and she never took him to the dr..not once...so fiancee took him today and got him medicine...and along with being sick she sends him with no winter gear(hat and gloves) and noone has taught him when he coughs to keep his germs to himself. I don't know, if I call CPS, I know nothing will get done..so I'm keeping track of physical neglect signs...until I can get enough to actually report her. I'm just sick of this...the kid is a little monster but he deserves to be taken care of properly. Everything I taught this kid when he was here 50% of the time has gone out the window. He talks like he's 2 and noone is working on correcting his broken sentences except for me. Noone has taught him to eat like he's older than two, noone has taught him that before school you brush your hair and teeth, it bugs me. Fiancee is responsible for it too...he should be teaching him this crap, but instead I do it..cause i don't want him to be the kid that smells funny, or the kid that looks like he's unkept, like he's been raised by wolves or something...This whole situation has been eating at me since yesterday...I'm no perfect parent and most of the time I don't think I do ENOUGH for my own daughter...but I do whatever I can to care for her...intentionally not caring for a kid is sooo wrong and noone seems to care she doesn't care...:(

sixxnguns's blog
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it is a thankless job

but somebody needs to do something for this child. Like you said if he is weird, dirty, can't talk right, etc. things will only get worse for him.

Your SIL is a dipsh*t as are everyone else who does not take on teaching this kid the right thing. I know you are overburdened, you really are. But anything you can give sounds like all he is getting. It sucks and is not fair, but maybe if you set the example at least DH will follow. I would get on his ass and stay there, until he files for divorce or whatever, if you can.

Be that bad guy. It is worth it. I say this as someone who is now hated by SD, BM and in-laws and about every other day DH. It is still worth everything you do to raise this child right.

"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

This is what the BM's thrive on. The drama.

They don't give a hoot about the kids.
They use the kids as their paycheck.
They are manipulators.
This is what they do all day because they have nothing better to do.
Never try to rationalize the irrational. It won't work.
Don't play the game.
Ignore them.
Don't show them that their behavior bothers you because if you do, it will only get worse.
The kids are the pawns. They are the ones that end up suffering. They are the collateral damage in all this.

Again, don't play the game. Also, don't take it all on yourself. DH needs to be on top of this...no excuses. He needs to stand up for you and watch your back.

How old is the SS again? Perhaps if he's old enough, if he keeps showing up like this and or going to school like this, he'll soon get heat from his peers and they will call him the "stinky kid" or something like that...kids hate to be different from their peers. So he may take care of it on his own. That doesn't mean you won't be around to help him be more presentable and not smell, but it's hard to hear criticism from your peers.

Chin up and don't let her see you sweat.

MamaJenn24

fiancee does try

but he's so inconsistant sometimes and he's still struggling with the "guilty dad syndrome" which I have to ride on him all the time about. He feels bad for SS because his mom isn't taking care of him properly so he feels like he has to be overly nice. I never see BM because I'll lose it with her if I come into contact, I just stay away...I won't give her the satisfaction of knowing she irks me...she slandered me on MySpace and I didn't bother suing her cause I don't want her to know it bothered me,

SS is 5 but still in Headstart, the teacher is concerned about his speech and has told both parents but noone seems to care, except for fiancee and I. But I have tried explaining to him that if he doesn't start trying to care for himself like a bigboy kids next year are going to make fun of him and it won't be fun in school. Fiancee does care about SS he feels trapped like there is nothing he can do. We're suspecting that she's not with SS very much because he follows his dad around like a lost puppy all weekend scared he's going to ditch out on him...which is what BM did for 8 months last year, we have a feeling she leaves him with alot of babysitters. So yeah child support is just a paycheck for her, but we don't even have money to fight back anymore. I'm going to start writing letters to senators and new channels about this crap they call child support, I deal with a deadbeat father myself but my fiancee is no deadbeat parent and they treat him like one...there is a gal on another board I post on who wrote an excellent letter to her senators and assemblyman and I'm going to use it for my template...if anyone wants to read it let me know..it's 8 pages and so true..

As for SIL...she's supposed to come over and have a sit down with me about all of this...and I plan on telling her both her and her mother are selfish snots to make sure they're happy before thinking about SS's well being...and if they can't compromise than fiancee won't allow them to visit SS for a time...we're not gonna take any more sh*t sitting down anymore.

And honestly I don't think I could give up if I wanted to...I was just so agitated after watching him at the dinner table last night....it's like he's being raised by pigs...no pun intended..LOL...and that noone in the government seems to care about parents like her that don't care about their kids...

I had someone who was mad at me report me to CPS, my daughter got a black eye at Walmart when she slipped on a wet spot and banged her self on someone's wheelchair and I supposedly gave it to her...and they were on me like flies on sh*t....it's like they pick on people that are doing nothing wrong, but the ones who aren't caring for their children get away with it...

I know your heart is in the right place

I am glad DH is willing to help and glad SIL wants to discuss it at least . . . I didn't know if you had anything to work with. I agree they should not see SS if they will not contribute to his independence and grace and manners. I bet it is tempting to bop his mom in the snout-!!

You are so right about CPS, all the false allegations while the real ones people can't get anyone to do anything about. I am glad you feel a little better today, you definitely have a tough row to hoe . .