Why is it so hard to talk to SO about his kids (and us)?
There are things that I should say (or need to say) and it's like I am waiting for the right moment to say they but it never comes or I start to and BF doesn't like what he's hearing and changes the subject. Then a few days later it's like I didn't say anything at all.
I told him last night - he was way over tired so I didn't go into completely - but I told him his biggest issues is that he gets an idea in his head about what he wants and that is all there is to, never mind what everyone else wants. examples being I have told him a few times that I don't want to be involved in school stuff but every time something comes up he talked about US going and I say I am not going and he like has this one sided conversation with himself about why WE are going. but something usually comes up at work and we end up not going (not that I was going).
I told him about changing my mind on wanting a baby - but sometimes I slip (because I do want one but it's illogical) but he doesn't seem to get why we can't. I haven't told him that I am job hunting a little harder or that I don't really want to watch his kids - because he just does not want to hear it.
I told him the other day that SS4 and I don't really like each other, he was like no way, he likes you. But I think he has been watching and realizes now that SS4 doesn't really come around me (because I tell him no, how dare I right?). SO then he was like well SS6 loves you, but he hangs on me so I have to tell him to get off me. I can't support that much extra weight.
Also I am starting to see why they have gone through so many sitters. I hate watching his kids. Please job market turn around soon, pretty please.
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May or may not apply to you,
May or may not apply to you, SisterNeko. Make your own judgement. These were my parting words to Bozo (and his son):
"It’s too draining and painful to constantly beg for the most basic respect and courtesies from someone who claims to love me, then be ignored or insulted for asking. That is the opposite of love ... I care about myself and deserve much better."
.
That is deep. It is
That is deep.
It is draining and painful, and I am sick of begging for help from him. I don't think he takes what (little) I say seriously. Like yesterday before he got home I warned him that sKids were being lazy. He got home and took over (I tend to step back when he is around) and last night he said that they were being lazy and unmotivated. Um yeah I told you that when you got home.
And today I had enough of SS4 so I txt BF and told him I was going to start looking for a real job, I can't watch him any more. He called back and was like what is he doing? He is being himself - hello! a giant baby in a 4 years body. He said he starts school next week so we'll see if he improves - NO I am done NOW! Ugh - Guys are so dumb.
Tell your SO write him even.
Tell your SO write him even. Trust me.if you don't get things out they are going to build up and you will blow up at the wrong time. I used to keep things and they would come out when we fought which isn't good because it was said out of anger not because I was trying to communicate my feelings
My DH also changes the
My DH also changes the subject, so I write him memos in email form.
Like,
Dear DH,
FYI/consideration:
1.) You have not gotten CS changed even though you are overpaying BM. This effects my finances as well as yours since we have joint. Please let me know when you plan on starting this process. If it is not done by the next time we pay CS, I will have to seriously consider breaking our finances.
2.) You have still not talked to BM about the custody change (lawyer advised to be nice before going after her with the big dogs). Please advise when you are going to do this, so that I can be mentally prepared for the ensuing shit storm.
3.) If you get home before I do, please take out the trash.
4.) Several people have asked what our plans are tonight. Are we doing date night or going out with friends? Please let me know, so I can let them know.
Confirm 3, and respond to 4 ASAP. Please take until the end of the week to respond to 1 & 2, but please don't act until you let me know so that I will be prepared for the shit storm.
Hope you're having a good day!
lmac.
Then I shoot him a text message and say "Memo sent. Please read and respond/deliberate."
And then, if I said for him to respond to something, by let's say tomorrow, then I would quote and resend the bits he had to respond to tomorrow this morning.
I just don't let him get off topic. Because I need to know these things as they effect my life too.
We also chat on IM all day, but I ask him to answer my memo questions in email form for our future reference.