sexualizes children. Ive been noticing this for YEARS. The clothing, the "influencers" on instagram. The porn industry. All of it geared in that direction. For children that are in "broken homes", that seems to be the pitfall is that attention deficit.

When Feral Forger was younger she sought attention in negative ways also. Now shes just a jerk. Munchkin loves attention, and Im hapy to give it to her because I have no bios. She eventually moves on to something different, but I can see how its frustrating that it has never been addressed until its "crisis mode". Sucks for your kiddo. I hope nothing is canceled, I hope that your DH understands he needs to not feed into the drama.

Why does BM get to tell DH he has to skip your son's b-day? And why would he listen? 

First of all, you have children so I would say No to the SD with MRSA coming to your house for the weekend and if she is I would go to a hotel and then have my home sterlized. see below:

What is the contagious period for MRSA?

As long as there are viable MRSA bacteria in or on an individual who is colonized with these bacteria or infected with the organisms, MRSA is contagious. Consequently, a person colonized with MRSA (one who has the organism normally present in or on the body) may be contagious for an indefinite period of time. In addition, MRSA organisms can remain viable on some surfaces for about two to six months if they are not washed or sterilized.

I really hope that BM does report those people. My BS pulled a stupid stunt like this once and he gave our address to some lady in Florida. She sent him a card with hearts and stickers. We had to ground BS from all electronics and explain to him about grooming and why these people aren't really your friends and how they are perverts, because no normal grown ass person would want to talk to a damn 13 year old boy about sex!

As for the MRSA I take that stuff as seriously as a damn heart attack. We had a co-worker who had it and joked about it because she had it and had just started on antibiotics. Her cube mate had a newborn went to HR and complained...guess who had to take leave for 6 weeks and show a doctors note before she was cleared to come back...yeah not so damn funny now!

I really do feel bad for you, I understand being in this situation. Where you are watching both parents totally dropping the ball and watching the kid self destruct.

In my view, responding to the child immediately with the attention she wants is the exact way to encourage her to continue with her behavior. Your DH should absolutely not skip your son's birthday. 

He should ground his daughter and put her on notice, but he shouldn't drop everything and give her attention for this behavior. He should also remove her acess to all electronic devices. No more access to social media for her. 

It seems like he and BM need to find some sort of professional help for her that would scare her enough that she'd stop putting herself in danger. The right program could also provide parenting "advice" for your DH and BM to ensure that the child is not doing these things to get their attention. Maybe help them figure out ways to give her positive attention at the right times, so she doesn't feel so desperate to get negative attention from them or the wrong kind of attention from predators. 

NO SD until she is better.  You don’t want your kids to get this.  You know SD will be spread it around your house 

Stand your ground,  make BM keep her 

Holy crap your sd is a freaking mess.

I dont know how you do it. Godspeed. 

YSS came with open, oozing boils that BM had told him to "just let air" at our house. No. I told DH that he would need to go to the ER. I got poo-pooed. I said he needed an appointment. DH at least contacted BM and got her to agree to an appointment. (Whole side story on why, though DH has total legal ability and authority to do it himself, he always calls BM to get her permission and have her do it.)

Anyway, they took him in, the doctor sent him to the ER (duh), he ended up getting tested for MRSA and didn't have it, thank god, but he was on a boatload of antibiotics.

Fast forward to six weeks later and the kid shows up with new ones! I told DH that the deal was they do not show up here ill, they stay at the house where they were sick AND the kid is going to get us sick. I also told him that if he didn't drive YSS back immediately, I would and if he didn't want me to have words with BM and do that he'd better hop his butt into his car and drive the kid back. He did so. It's one of the only times he's been more scared of me than BM. (The poor kid got boils a couple more times, never at our house, and ended up having to go to the ER each time. The only thing we can figure on why he kept getting them is a clue the other two kids gave us when they said off-hand that they were surprised since YSS picks at scabs and acne all the time.)

OMG, I so feel for you!  The MRSA thing is bad enough to navigate, but the social media behavior...dangerous.  I've had 2 SDs go through this twisted crap and I do not understand why BioParents (the ones in my SKIDS life included!) don't immediately lock down their access to the internet.  I 100% agree with other posters...ZERO unsupervised internet access and a locked down basic phone that is only able to call BM, BD, and 911.  Roll like that until she's 18 and/or old enough to pay for her own phone if that's what it takes.  

When MSD was 16 and attempted suicide seemingly out of nowhere, I scoured the internet/social media to see what I could find out about what was up with her.  OMG, found very disturbing sexualized and masochistic posts of hers going back to at least 14.  Found her self-made porn on Tumbler, Instagram, and then re-posted on Pedophile rings and porn sites.  There are groups out there that look for these kids posting online and then re-post on forums encouraging their creeper friends to follow these children on their social media platforms.  Jump forward through years of chaos...she is drug-addicted, lives with her heroine addict BF who peddles her porn for sale online for all the world to see.  Gross.

Now YSD16 living at home now...started acting out, lying, stealing, attitude, etc and MR. ED read her journal.  Discovered she had strangers from the internet over to our house while we were gone starting at least by 14yo, had sex on first meet, and wrote something like, "That was my first time...you could have been a psycho and murdered me, but I'm so glad you weren't because I'm in love with you...yada, yada."  Fast forward...she's completely out of control and self-destructive...drugs, alcohol, sex with random older men, and on and on.  

In my eyes...these are CHILDREN who are traumatized, victimized, and need serious supervision and professional help.  When they don't get that from BioParents and inevitably turn into self-destructive jerky balls of toxicity, we are left dealing with the chaos and often blamed for their unhappiness in life.  Insanity!  This behavior puts your whole family, home, and everything you've worked for in danger.  This is a big reason why I ended up back in therapy and have cameras everywhere.  Personally, you feel violated and paranoid once you know strangers have been inside your home.  My anxiety went through the roof!   Don't want to scare you...but I kind of do.  She's young enough to put a stop to it, but these people know what they are doing with these kids.  They lure them in with attention and "understanding" and it's like a drug that these troubled kids will continue to crave and access until someone steps in to stop it or something really bad happens. 

Sorry so long of a post, but this one hits hard personally.  Again...I soooo feel for you.  This is a tough situation for SPs to sit by and watch play out, especially when you have BS at home to keep safe.  {{Big Hug}}

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I will just say this: there is no legal obligation for a non custodial parent to exercise visitation. Your DH has the perfect reason not to have SD over.

If I were him I would not have her over until the Mrsa is gone. Also, who would want such a sexualised child around their own children. Nope, I wouldn't allow it. He can see her away from the home.