Ugh, f$@!'ing BM was in my house while I was gone again...
Sadly, I am kind of not surprised. My eyes starting opening to BF's attitude towards her a while ago...
Thursday was BM's visitation with SS2 and SS9, she's allowed 3 hours unsupervised to take them wherever. Well since she lost her car/liscence it has even usually the park or the swimming pool. Well this Thursday it was raining so those were both not options. BM being the retard she is, didn't figure out what the hell she was going to do with them before showing up.
So she shows up half an hour late, in the pouring rain and BF lets her into my house because the kids were still eating their lunch supposedly and he didn't want to make her wait outside in the rain. Considering she is supposed to be there at 1pm I find it kind of ridiculous that by 1:30pm he still didn't have the kids ready to go?!?! So while SS2 is 'still eating' SS9 wants BM to go see something up in his room. BF says whatever, goes out for a smoke. Comes in from his smoke, she's still upstairs with SS9. By now it is 2pm, still no idea where she's taking them.
By 2:30pm BF has the kids all ready to go and BM has decided she's taking them to this indoor play arena that's across town. She only has $40 and they would need to take a cab there and back. What does BF do? Graciously offers to pay for their tickets (including BM's) to get into the arena if she pays for the cab. So that's what they do. It is 3pm when they finally leave. Her visitation is supposed to end at 4pm.
So they just get to the play arena at 4pm so BM calls BF and asks if she can have longer with them. He says yes. Even though it was Children's Aid who decided she only had X amount of time with them. So she brings the kids home at 5pm. I get home at 5:30pm and am none the wiser. When BF was telling me the story, he told me the whole time he was just hoping she would be back before I was off work because he knew I'd be pissed. No shit, BF, no shit.
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I would have gone ballistic!
I would have gone ballistic! I would have it so that she had to OUTLINE her plans before she came over for pick up. Why BF did not have the kids ready is beyond me too, I think he was 'opting' for whatever came easiest for him.
I would have strong words with him if it were me. NO WIGGLE ROOM for him, he knew what was required of him and he was home with the kids. BM should not have shown up with no money for entertainment, she also knew it was raining...right? I am pretty sure she could have gotten a taxi to pick them up and drop them off it she really wanted to see the kids badly enough.
BF needs to know, pardon my vulgarity, but he really does need to know that BM has changed her purse and his balls are in the one on the top shelf in the closet!
NO WAY does BM come in my house, ever again. One day she actually turned the door handle to just walk in, fortunately I saw it and intercepted her and told her SD would be downstairs in a minute. I closed the door in her face! Sorry 'n' all, this is MY HOME and DH's and I's castle...where what we say goes. DH did not confront her directly, he did tell SD that 'it was a pretty shitty thing her mom did earlier' so the message got accross. Confronting BM is a total waste of time, energy and effort. She denies everything and I swear she actually believes her own lies! Not worth it. DH called the cops on her one night as she threw a tantrum in our front yard! She was not getting her own way with access to SD, since SD was being tracked by juvenile justice department BM had to obey them and she thought she was above that? Silly woman!
I digressed, I'm sorry, I think that so much of what is written on the board here resonates in a lot of us and we cannot help but make comparisons to our own situations.
I think that your BF needs to have some outlines for visitation too, #1 being he has the kids ready, #2 If BM does not have a plan then she should be turned away from the door. #3 BM should bring sufficient money with her to do what she PLANS on doing.
I would suggest that rainy days she is not allowed access! I believe that she would have stayed at your house quite happily until 4 PM and then left, I have to give BF credit for not letting that happen...even if it did cost the admission for them all. I'd start out a conversation giving him credit for that and then go into more details about future plans. You cannot change what just happened, right? What you can do is discuss how it cannot happen again. That should be the focus of discussion, do you agree?
Why does mom get the R word
Why does mom get the R word label but not BF? He is just as bad as she is. He knows you were upset the first time she came to your house, yet he allows her in again.
If the pick up time is 1:00,why were the kids eating lunch at 1:30? He's spinning the story to make BM look bad.
Since he lied about the number of kids he has, you have to wonder if this story isn't one big lie as well.
He is fucking her. I'm sorry
He is fucking her. I'm sorry but he is fucking BM.That's why they were so lateleaving. Any man that blatantly disrespects like this is getting it elsewhere.
This is another opinion that
This is another opinion that sounds like all the ones posted here already. He allows his ex in your home knowing that you're not okay with it, even if he's not sleeping with the ex he sure as hell doesn't care if you get the impression that they are. There's nothing that any of us can say about the situation that you don't already know. In case you need to hear it again, leave that guy and his drama. No more skirting around trying to get him to act right, you can't change him. It might be different if his actions rooted out of not knowing you'd be upset, but he is intentionally and willfully choosing to make decisions that he KNOWS are upseting to you...for that reason he is unworthy of you.