And not because of the SKids... because of BM and BF.

SS9 moved in on Saturday and things have been pretty good in that aspect. He helped me clean the house yesterday, helps keep SS2 in line, and is pretty self sufficient. Overall a good kid. He does do alot of the "My mom this", "My mom that", "When my mom and Dad were together this", "When my mom and Dad were together that"... Which, although annoying, it could be a hell of alot worse. I'm great at ignoring shit like that, lol. "Mmmhmmm, yup..."

Anyway, so when BM's house burnt down she rented a storage unit for all their things. Now that the kids are here permanently and everything has been all figured out, she was going to bring some of the things here (drum set, playstation, toys, etc) that the kids wanted right away. On Thursday after her visitation she told me she would be by Tuesday (yesterday) to drop the things off. BF had to work so I sat at home with the SKids ALL DAY waiting for her to show up. Did she come? Nope. Did she call? Of course not. So the SKids were all bored and grumpy. This, while annoying, was NOT the biggest deal in the world... Makes her look bad, not me! She disappointed her kids, not me!

So when BF gets home from work I was like, "Surprise! No BM today!" (Not infront of the kids obviously) and then of course, he informs me he saw her that day. BF works as a tattoo artist, and it turns out yesterday she went to his shop to book an appointment for herself. My first response was, "Since when does she have money for tattoos?" (Hadn't even thought to ask about her no-show at that point) And he kind of looked at me like, "You really are a glutton for punishment." Which to me, means, he would be doing free work for her! WTF! I was like, "Why does she deserve anything free? What has she done for us? If anything SHE should be giving US free things!" Because it's not like she pays CS. Since the kids have been here she has given us diapers she got for free from the food bank (like 20 diapers) and a case of expired Kraft Dinner. Gee, thanks for all your help BM! Your reward is free childcare, and hundreds of dollars saved in a free tattoo! Thank you sooooo much, what would we do without you!?

So after the kids went to bed we were in the bedroom watching a movie and having a drink, but I just couldn't forget what had happened so I had to bring it up. I told him how I felt about everything and I told him if I'm always going to be #2 to BM than I'm leaving. I don't play second fiddle, ever. And I also told him, "Have fun finding a woman who will put up with all the shit you dump on them, let alone sits by with a smile on her face while you roll belly up to BM's every word!" I told him I thought if BM was interested in him, he would jump at the chance to get back with her, since he still loves her and all. BM always talks down about him to me (ie: "I feel sorry for you, I know what it's like to be with BF", or "Oh yeah, and BF, the other child you take care of" etc etc) and I was kind of rubbing that in his face, I'm like "Thank God she has no interest in you whatsoever or I'm sure you'd be the happy little family & hire me full time as a sitter!" Him, of course, being the self-absorbed asshole that he is, came back to me with, "She only says bad things about me to you because she's jealous that you're with me." LOL. No BF, she's been dating another man since she left you, remember? I'm sure she's not jealous.

Anyway, he got all pissy with me for 'starting an argument' about BM 'again.' But once I started telling him how close I am to just saying fuck it and leaving, he started assuring me that I'm number one, telling me that he "never said he was giving her a free tattoo, maybe he would charge her" etc. Although he's convinced because he gave his other BM a free tattoo and the two BM's are friends it would be unfair... Are you kidding me!? The reason the other BM got hers for free was because he did it on her when he was young and it looked like shit. Not because she's his BM, because he would do that for anyone who was still walking around sporting his earlier work. Anyway...

Today he's being all ass-kissy and sucky, looking up houses on the internet (because he knows I want to move ASAP and until today he has made no effort in helping the process along) and letting me sleep in, walked the dog and went to the store for me... I just get so frustrated with him. I do wish I could just leave sometimes, if only it were an option. But it's not, so I need to make the best with what I've got. (And the reason I can't leave - I have NO money, I couldn't afford to move to another place, I don't know anyone in this city besides my BF, and I just accepted a new job that I start tomorrow!) If this like secret obsession with BM doesn't stop, I don't think I will be able to make it work anymore. Atleast he knows now how upset I get about the situation, and he can get as pissy as he wants because I'm never going to conceal my feelings about it. So it better stop. Sigh.