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I guess I just started blogging in time for my break-up

SadStep77's picture

Submitted by SadStep77 on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 1:52pm

Maybe it was some secret intuition that I knew things were going to end that led me to blog. I dunno. All I do know is that after talking with my mom I now feel like it is time to let FDH go.

He is addicted to video games. He makes his kids do nothing around the house. I have burned through my savings and 401k trying to support us. (He is "self-employed" which is just a nice way of saying he doesn't make shit.) I did all his court paperwork when crazy BM tried to get full custody. I've spent my child support that was supposed to be for my child on all of us so we could live.

My FDH told me today that I was the one with all the problems. He said: "I'm going to say this as nicely as I can. I'm not leaving you because I want to. I'm leaving because you caused this." I'm sick of being to blame for everything.

I think I'm done.

I'm so sad.

Comments

SadStep77's picture

Submitted by SadStep77 on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 2:02pm

Ditzy, that is exactly what he is saying to me! You exact words. He will move on and be happy and I wont because I refuse to change!

My mom gave me some good advice: She said I don't have to change. The only reason I do is to make life easier for him. And haven't I made life easy enough on him?

She said he was just the type of guy that took the easy road, and never deals with the hard choices. I'm starting to see that now.

Gabriels Mom's picture

Submitted by Gabriels Mom on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 2:25pm

WOW! I'm so sorry honey. I know it hurts but it sounds like you'll be better off. I hope you find someone who makes you happy. You deserve it.

LizzieA's picture

Submitted by LizzieA on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 4:24pm

You are being abused. Write down everything you did for him vs. what he did for you, just to make it black and white for yourself. You have been supporting him while he plays video games and there is something wrong with YOU? And he is turning it around to imply that there is something MORE YOU should have done?

That is what LOSERS do! Please read up on abusive relationships and see if the bells go off. Thank your lucky stars you are rid of this drain upon your life and resources. You deserve a partner and friend.

This guy will still be the same POS that he is now. There is no magic woman who will make him into a prince. The fear that he will move on and someone else will succeed where you "failed" is just a lie. I know, I have been there.

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Sun, 07/22/2012 - 12:14pm

You are being abused.
^^^THIS X 1000!!!^^^^

My 1st husband was also a video game addict; he made it perfectly clear on several occasions that video games were his priority. When I left him, he actually told me that I'd probably be alone for the rest of my life b/c I'd have a hard time finding someone who would put up with me. When I asked him what he meant, he very seriously told me, "You farts stink. I mean, they're really bad!" ROFL! This from a lazy, useless bum who never bathed with breath that rivaled the Bog of Eternal Stench; I just kinda giggled inside.

And, oh yeah, my DH who both bathes and is a hottie doesn't seem terribly deterred.

alldone's picture

Submitted by alldone on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 6:32pm

Oh my Gosh!!!! Why is everyone so sorry?? This is fantastic!! Get the heck out and ENJOY the rest of your life! Seriously. You were in a HORRIBLE situation! The uncomfortable crappy divorce paperwork is temporary, and it will pass. SMILE, girlfriend!!! You're free!

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Sun, 07/22/2012 - 10:57am

I am sorry but you are really better off. Next time NEVER give up all your money in this situation!!!

Users are everywhere. Please look for someone who will improve YOUR life too and not just take. Sad

HUGS honey

stepmisery's picture

Submitted by stepmisery on Sun, 07/22/2012 - 11:07am

"I'm going to say this as nicely as I can. I'm not leaving you because I want to. I'm leaving because you caused this."

Words to rejoice by. You probably don't see it that way just yet but really - these are words in which he validated that you are the grownup responsible adult and he's still a kid wanting to be taken care of.

Of course he doesn't want to leave you. You support him. He gives a lick and a promise at producing income but because of you he can sit around and game all day. And all night.

You caused it? Because you asked him to be a grownup? GOOD FOR YOU.

There are better things for you down the road. Not dealing with him will automatically make your life better, you will see.

GOOD LUCK!