Attend Court or Not?
My SO (together 2 years, have separate houses but stay together every night he is not working overnight) is taking his ex-wife to court and their date is next week. He has been paying her CS for a kid who hasn't stayed with her in 5 years and he also wants her to sign a Quadro (a paper that settles his retirement once and for all.) I am off work that day. Should i go with him? Did you guys go to court with your DH/SO for something like this? They have been divorced almost 10 years. He hasn't said anything one way or the other. I don't know if i should ask, assume i'm going, or assume i'm not.
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I would skip it and just let
I would skip it and just let him go. However, I would make sure that I know what his intentions are with anything that may affect me financially or our future together from a financial aspect.
I'd stay far away from this.
I'd stay far away from this. He's got two issues. The CS one is five years in length. The retirement one is ten years in length. The quadro should have been done at the time of the divorce as it, as I understand it, has to be ordered by the court. I hope he has a lawyer and is not trying to do this himself. Quadros can be complicated to do.
No don't go. It looks really
No don't go. It looks really bad when the girlfriend shows up. This is his mess to tidy up.
I always went (hopefully I
I always went (hopefully I can use the past tense on that) and sat in the waiting room. But - we are married and it was a high conflict situation. This is stuff that your SO has let go on too long, so let him deal with it himself.
DH's attorney forgot to finish the QDRO and had to do it a year after the divorce. BM refused to respond so the attorney sent it straight to the judge, who signed it. Shouldn't be too complicated if the initial work on it was done.
With Covid-19 still so active
With Covid-19 still so active, there is a good chance they wouldn't let you in the court room since you have no official business there (GF/Wife- it doesn't matter, you aren't a parent to the child and you have no stake in their divorce). I attended court with DH before we were married once. I have been every time since we have been married. DH wants me there. We are a good team.
I have always attended court with DH
The expection was the initial divorce. I wasn't around there. I always go because
1. I keep DH calm.
2. I am a trained paralegal and worked in the field for over 5 years. I am the keeper of records.
3. DH's attorney likes me to go because I am another set of eyes/ears and I sometime think of things he doesn't. A HCBM is a very tricky wabbitt afterall.
I do not however go into the court room. I stay in the conference room. The expception to that was when Beaver tried to get my money added to her child support calculations. Then I most certainly marched my butt into that court room to stand up for my rights.
Well, i brought it up and he
Well, i brought it up and he was all "I mean, if you really want to. You might have to wait a long time though so if you have something else to do....and I'll be ok by myself." So, i'm thinking i'll just stay home. Thanks for the advice, guys. It seems like a pretty even stay vs go. I have to admit, i wish he wanted me there.
He probably just knows that
He probably just knows that you will be powerless and stuck alone for most of the time. He is saving you a lot of stress actually.
I never went before we were
I never went before we were married, but after we were I would always go. Mostly because DH has the worst memory about anything financial, anything interpersonal, or anything related to dates that events happened. His attorney wanted me there because I remembered everything and almost always had documentation to back it up.
I will say that court took a toll on me emotionally and mentally that would sometimes take weeks to bounce back from. I was very personally invested and that caused a lot of stress. In the end, there was zero gratitude from my SDs for everything I did to help preserve some semblance of a relationship between them and their father. In his better moments, DH has admitted that he would have totally lost them without me, but quite frankly his actions haven't really indicated true gratitude either. At the time I did what I thought was best for my family, but if I were in the situation with the experience I have now, I would have been completely hands off with court stuff (with the exception of anything that would impact me financially) and just be emotionally supportive of DH from a distance.
I wouldn't go. It's not
I wouldn't go. It's not always a good look. Plus, we aren't married. (This was going on almost 3 years ago) I didn't go with SO when we were going through it.
BM however, brought her (then boyfriend now husband) because he was marshall and wanted to look cool because she "knows someone" type stuff. BMs husband brought her into an area and SOs lawyer was like WTFFF BM should NOT be in there!!
BMs husband wasn't at any court hearings after. We think he got in trouble LOLLL.
When we first started the
When we first started the court process with Meth Mouth I was unable to go because BD was just a baby. As the years progressed and DH was in and out of court every three to six months it was just easier for him to go alone.
NOPE do not go. It may not be
NOPE do not go. It may not be a good look from the Judges view. Poor "single ex wife' is being upstaged by you. Nahhh do not do it.
jmo
By the way, isnt it via zoom or something like that?
We live in an area that doesn
We live in an area that doesn't abide by distancing very well. It will be in person. The ex wife is married (well, she tells people she is and lives with her "husband", but according to my SO she never made it legal in order to keep her official household income low.) Idk.
After talking to my SO about it, i think he feels better with me not there. I wish we were a "team", but it doesn't look that way. He said he is tired and wonders where his life went wrong. He actually said he feels like he should be at a point in his life where he and his wife are relaxing and all their kids are grown, but instead he has a child young enough to be his grandchild.
All my talk about my feelings stresses him and he just doesn't want to add more stress. I hate that we got to this place but i think i just need to take a step back from him. He is sleeping because he is working nights so i just went over and brought food for 2 of his kids and a nephew who he is "keeping" while he sleeps. I think this reationship is a lot of work, too, mostly because of the baggage with his 4 kids, 2 BMs, and his family who isn't super welcoming of me while still being very close to BM2. I wonder which "wife" he wishes he were relaxing with since he cheated on both of them and left them, 20 and 10 years ago, respectively. I think our relationship has become toxic and idk if it can be saved. The funny thing is, i'm finally at a point where my kids are pretty much independent, and i'm off work and feeling lonely. Ugh.