Update to SS disrespect
Recap. SS is extremely disrespectful to SO and BM had added on. I ended up being away for 5 days. I needed it , but I do like to be in my own space with all my fur babies and not at someone else's house. SO told BM he is not taking SS to anything but actual games and it will only be half of them, she has to do her share. No more private practices. He told her he is not going to give anything for SS driving because SS is too immature. He will not pay or drive SS to basketball if he decides to stay on the team. The SD saying we left her no food and only paid her a small amount was BM saying it that way. According to SD (of course it could be a lie) BM asked what we paid her and what there was to eat, SD wasn't complaining just telling her something . BM just twisted it to make it sound like we were horrible. SO did come back at BM and say what do you pay SD when she is at home while you are out of town with SS. BM had no answer. SO told BM that no matter what SS does for travel ball next year it will be spilt in half. Money and time. SO asked for me to not do anything in haste until after travel ball which is just two more tournaments and SO is only doing one of them. Then BM and the SKs go away for vacation and then we go away. We really shouldn't have to deal with too much. I am hoping SO is getting a back bone and will stay the course. I can't expect him to just completely stop but it sounds like he has had it so he backing off. We shall see if he holds true because he does backslide a lot. Sorry for such a long post .
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Wow, Rocky, this sounds
Wow, Rocky, this sounds hopeful; It would be great if his words turn into action. Do you suppose that your five days away gave rise to your partner's change in attitude? And BTW, your post was not long. It said what was needed to said in order to best explain the situation.
Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!
Do you suppose that your five
this is a good point.
when these Disneyland dads get an inkling you could leave them and their peace destroying failed first family shenanigans in the dust .... they all of a sudden have the capacity to clean up their act real quick
SO told BM he is not taking
good for him standing up for himself
That's none of her business poking her nose where it doesn't belong and causing unnecessary drama.
As long as those kids aren't being neglect or abused .... she can butt out
she knew she was being a nosy messy hypocrite fishing for a reaction and unfortunately your SO engaged the messy troll
Hope so too for your marriage sake and for those kids sake (kids especially male sons need to see strong yet healthy male leadership)
Ss is disrespectful to his dad because his dad allows it
Sounds like leaving for a few days was a great idea!
Sounds like leaving for a few days was a great idea! I hope he follows through.
A good start. Finally.
Though past behavior being the best predictor of future performance, keep him fresh on the fact that your future together depends on him staying the course on maintaining his new found spine.
Good luck.
He sounds like he's put
He sounds like he's put together a much more balanced and reasonable approach. One that is doable and liveable. One that might work so long as he stays the course and it would be better for your relationship if things head in that direction. Sounds promising. It sounds like he's had some of sort epiphany or something finally clicked for him.
I want to believe he will
I want to believe he will follow through, but he has improved before and backslid everytime. He thinks for some reason that he has to be sure his kids get to do everything they want. And I know that I also don't get it. I don't get why there is never a no. He can always come up with a reason why it is in the kids best interest. I will give him the time he has asked for, even though I have given him so much time in the past already. If he holds out about not paying a dime for driving lessons and basketball, I think we will be headed in the right direction. I know what to expect from baseball for these last two weeks and hopefully there won't be drama with making the travel team. But I guess waiting until after we take our vacation will be okay. We will enjoy our selves and if I move out it could be awhile before I go again. A little selfish but whatever.
A big part
of the equation is whether BM will accept your SO's new line in the sand or just see it as yet another she can ignore when she feels like it.
My husband's ex was like this and there came a moment when our relationship hung in the balance. Their teenage son had been arrested for dealing and they had agreed he had to have constant supervision going forward. She just assumed that her part would be when she felt like it which of course didn't include weekends. We weren't married yet and did not live together so if he agreed it would have had a major impact on our ability to maintain a relationship.
I didn't say a word because this had to come from him. Either we came first or she did. I truly expected him to fold but he didn't, not even after incessant phone calls to change his mind.
A plus side was she decided to "punish" him by not calling him anymore, at all, which was fantastic!
It sounds as if your SO is in a similar place. He knows he has to clean up his act, both for himself and for your relationship. If this is your line in the sand moment I hope he doesn't cross it.
My husband is like this... He
My husband is like this... He has phases that are similar.
1. An unfair event will happen that will trigger his being upset. He will react over the top and make all sorts of claims about what he will do because he is so furious that it happened
2. We will discuss it at lengths and I will be happy that he is (finally) going to set some boundaries and maybe he has realized that what is going on needs to be shut down and addressed properly
3. TIME goes by and we discuss things more and he starts more tame dialogue which includes statements where he is still upset however things will now work out without any intervention. He still doesn't like it.. However now all of the sudden doing something isn't all that important. There are now somehow positives that he didn't see before. He is more comfortable and just going to go along with things and see what happens. Things to be more stabilized now in his opinion. (rose coloured glasses)
4. More time goes on with no bad events happening....progress!!
5. Things start going back to the old/bad way. I make comments about it that are dismissed. Things get worse...
6. Things continually get worse until ANOTHER bad, life altering event happens go back to point #1 again
This happened to us with a few different things , several if I now think about it. Some bad stuff that happened with my stepson at school he was going to clamp down on. (but didn't). My husbands job where they treated him like crap. My step sons behavior at school, etc
In the end... If he is serious to make change it will be clear and obvious. He needs to be completely serious and dedicated to following through with his plan of action. Making those changes and following through. His actions were very concise. What he wants to do. So if he can stick to it that's great. If he starts getting annoyed again with you when/if he backsides then that's where problems would start up again.
It sounds like a fair plan to wait until after your vacation to assess things with your relationship
I guess my whole point in
I guess my whole point in that long convoluted story is that if people keep making promises for change and then ignoring them, nothing gets solved or fixed.
We can't just ignore situations and hope and pray they get better
Without putting the effort in, nothing will change. Patterns will keep on repeating
What you say is exactly what
What you say is exactly what happens with me and SO. Of course I can also make a change for good. I just keep giving more chances. At some point I have to realize it is a me problem if I keep dealing with this.
The bigger problem
He knows exactly what he's doing wrong. Because of his statements of going to change,, Him, not following through, just tells you. " I know, I am wrong . but Will not do anything about it ". What you see is what you get. My Kids control the home , My kids control me. My kids control my marriage .