I’m just here to vent today…spoiling SD!
My SD just turned 7. We have her 50% of the time. Where we live is to be closer to her so school/schedule etc and mostly dealing with psychotic biomom is made simpler. Bio mom is SD's bestie. They sleep together and do everything together and this child is spoiled spoiled spoiled to the core. Their relationship is not mother daughter. It is the codependent dynamic duo.
My SD had two different beach vacations this summer. One with her biomom and one with us. She got to do everything her little heart desires while on vacation. It was all about her and keeping her entertained. She also had her birthday this summer and we spoiled her and did a ton of fun things for that. When she is with mom again it's fun fun fun all the time.
Anyhow we have her this weekend and my SO asked if we should take her to xyz amusement park this weekend before school starts Monday. My initial thought was nooooo. She's had an amazing summer filled with fun trips and adventures.
It feels like he wants to do stuff like this in competition with his ex. I am positive his ex does all of it in competition with dad. She is narcissistic and extremely toxic. It feels like he thinks we are supposed to constantly entertain her. I'm just not down with that. I love this little girl and she has my heart for sure and on special occasions like vacation and birthdays i am all for over the top spoiling and celebrating but not like this. Not just because. She already asks for something any time we go into a store. She already thinks the world revolves around her.
i can't tell my SO all of this. Will just set him off. My reply on the topic was "up to you" which he took as me not wanting to. And he's not wrong. Sure we could take her and have one more blow out before school starts. I'm just bleh on the topic. I think I'm just over the we have to entertain her obligation. We have lives and normal things we need to do daily/weekly etc that don't involve jump parks and eating candy non stop.
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Disney Parenting
Disney Parenting doesnt work long-term. Their little brains need downtime too.
Read around on here and search Disney Dad. Your in for a treat.
Imagine a spoiled brat at 12.
Imagine a spoiled brat at 12. And 16. And 28, because it doesn't magically end at chronological adulthood.
If her dad won't even talk about how to be a parent without getting mad, you're in for a life where your wants and needs are always third place--his, his daughter's, then maybe yours if it's not too much trouble.
Competition
Add in there the competition element. Yeah. Add in the mini-wife potential.
How many trips have you and
How many trips have you and your SO been on this year? Date nights?
Solid point. We have had a
Solid point. We have had a couple of date nights and one night out of town just us. We do take time to go ride the motorcycle together when we can but a get away is very much needed.
So insist on it. Yes, his
So insist on it. Yes, his child is important but so are you. A couple needs to spend special time together or it's doomed. He WANTS to take his daughter on special trips but ... are they really necessary? Whereas if he doesn't invest himself in your couple he could very well find himself single again. You are not ther just to facilitate his war with his ex by spoiling his kid.
I agree with the others.
I agree with the others. Adult entertainment must be equal to or greater than child entertainment. I'm not against doing fun things with kids but if your DH has a compulsion to out-entertain and out-spoil BM, then you will end up with a kid who expects constant entertainment.
Also, the "Disney" thing is bad enough if it's EOW, but 50/50 where both are Disney? I think a lot of these entertained kids are also neglected. Does she have the life skills she should have by her age? Can she self-soothe and self-entertain? If not, her emotional development and creativity is neglected. Does she know not to interrupt adults or does she seek to make herself the constant center of attention? Her likeability with not just you but everyone she meets may suffer. Can she tie her shoes, dress and bathe herself, pick up her toys, and bring her dish to the sink? Does she feel that the entire house is her personal playroom?
If your DH is not neglecting you and your relationship/fun and is actually teaching and raising his child, by all means go to the amusement park. If not, you know the answer.
Why not suggest at-home fun
Why not suggest at-home fun time together as a family. . . popcorn , movies, making cookies, games, going to a park, etc. The poor girl is probably missing out on the value of authentic family fun if there's a competition going on.
To add to this
Do you have a hobby that you can teach her about? A sport you enjoy?
Maybe take a trip to your local library with her to see what kind of activities are going on?
that's what i came here to say
Doing a puzzle or playing Monopy as a family , a baking project , a family picnic . All fun family bonding things. i am an hour and a half from Disney. We might go twice a year . We went on Memorial Day weekend and all for the norovirus. It loses its specialness if you go all the night and it's exhausting ! Quiet ways of family bonding are just as valuable
You don’t get it
Disnnnny. Dadddddy. Don't want to sit home popping corn watching a movie eating ice cream. They want to show how great of a father they are. They want to spend fun time with there kids like a expensive amusement park. With the more expensive drinks and food and the more expensive souvenir, she only 7 once. But then again true for 8 ...,13...18...21...30.
'You must insist on adult only vacation . A week at the beach with SD. a visit to an amusement park with SD. The a week where your want to go. Motorcycle trip to the mountains, lake, ocean Your in NC. Lots to do there. Weather is good for a time. Eating out, visiting places. You need a balance.
Remind DH or all the adult only trips he had with BM. Before SD
They want to show how great
all expenses subsidized by unsuspecting step parents who have no say in the matter
Why do you tolerate this kid ass sniffer as your mate?
Why do you tolerate this kid ass sniffing failed disney parent as your mate? Why would anyone?
Kids raised by these types of parents are a life time soul sucking burden on the parents that create the problem and an even bigger parasite on SParents. Succubus or Incubus parents raise Succubi/Incubi spawn.
It isn't a mystery. Sadly, it is the SParents in relationships with these soul sucking demon mates and their demon spawn who are the ones whose souls are consumed. The idiot bio parents and their idiot children are too oblivious to recognize what they are.
Take care of you. No one else in this shit show cares. They are too busy using your caring Sparent soul as a super sized Slurpee to feed their demon disney parenting and demon spawned shit puddle of a gene pool a never ending life of shits and giggles rather than actually being and raising decent humans.
these soul sucking demon
I am in your camp
This does seem to be a common thing now a days. I have a good friend who takes her kids camping, to theme parks, the movies, mini golfing, water parks, the works, almost every single wknd, and during school she lets them skip multiple days to take them skiing. It's crazy to me, since when is life as a kid just this constant adventure that involves money being spent?? It starts to become just expected, breeds entitlement, and you can do fun things to spend time together like at-home movies and games that don't have to be this big expensive thing. Crazy (BM) constantly nags DH to take SD15 "to get her nails done or ice skating or shopping" to spend time with her. WTF? You have to take her to get a manicure to spend time with her?? We have taken her on a few big trips and have done escape rooms and things like that, but it is more of a treat than an every-wknd thing. Every wknd does not need to be spending a ton of money taking them to do some big activity. We did not grow up that way, I don't know when that started. DH would play board games and video games with them (a LOT). Of course Crazy used that as an opportunity to alienate SD against us (Your dad never spends ANY time with you or takes you to do ANYTHING). Because if you aren't always spending money, then it doesn't count....
Anyway, I agree with you, but I also know that it's difficult when they have an idea of how parenting should be.