you are right, and that was very well put."~waiting on the world to change~"

Glad to hear your skin is thick enough to stick around when someone voices a dissenting opinion. Regardless of my opinion on this topic, I applaud your attitude in this regard

from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.

I guess it is like the old saying goes, "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and they usually stink".

I don't advocate child abuse, in any form.....I must say, that I too, found Rags ORIGINAL post shocking. And I thought "no way". BUT, after reading some of the other posts, I understand. I think BEFORE we automatically jump on a high horse, we should try to understand the meaning of the post. It has been said MANY times on this site that one cannot get a feel for a persons tone through a text only situation. IF indeed, the child was made to destroy things, I PERSONALLY do not agree with that. I do take away things, but not destroy them. I, too, have made my kids (all of them) write sentences before. When my SD19 was going through her lying phase (which hasn't gone away) I made her copy several passages out of the bible about lying. When it happened again, I made her research lying on the net and write me a research paper. Yes, I suppose that could be child abuse to some (I suppose). But, I don't think she died from it.
Rags, GC is just very sensetive to child abuse, b/c her SD was severely abused & the "system" allows it to continue to happen. She took your post to heart I think. She really is a good mom, and DOES hold her children (all of them) accountable in her own way. You have yours, as we all do.
GC & Cru, I know both of you and know what good moms you both are. We don't know Rags, nor do we know his situation. After re-reading his posts, I think maybe some things may have been taken out of context. There is no handbook on parenting nor is there a handbook for step-parenting (unfortunately), but we have to trust that the child's mother allowed the parenting style rags chose, so we shouldn't judge.
We ALL make mistakes as parents, but especially as step-parents. I know I have. Mistakes are just that, mistakes. No one is a perfect parent or step-parent. But, it is what we learn from these mistakes that is important. I am NOT a religious person by any means, BUT....aren't we supposed to try to "help" those we see as needing help, in any way? I was going to PM him to ask if he really did those things, but I think that has been cleared up. If he did, I probably would have tried to gently suggest a better alternative.
This IS a forum for people to put their thoughts and feelings out there knowing that they may/may not receive feedback they may/may not like. That's the chance you take. I try not to judge, b/c it is not ours to judge. Whatever action/non-action a person takes/doesn't take is theirs to live with, not ours.
I think we could ALL benefit from taking the judgment out of our responses and to realize that when you post, you are likely to get feedback you may/may not like. Please remember that we are all here for a single purpose, and that is to learn from one another and benefit from the advice we CHOOSE to take. We do have a choice in the matter, don't we?
Said with love for everyone involved.

Stay and vent, discuss, probe, reflect, contemplate, etc.

If I don't like what you write, I may tell ya or I may decide not to read it.

So far I reserve that last option for folks who are fond of a little mud slinging. We'll be getting enough of that from every other media source in the next few months, that I don't choose to do it here!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

that was very well put.I do not condone abuse to a child or cruelty. I was abused from birth to age 7 by my fathers first wife (yeah the same one he adopted me with), and my dad took me from her. She locked me in closets, beat me with my Dad's chef ladle(not a plastic one either), did the witholding of food, go to bed w/o dinner trick. When my dad first left her, it got worse, she hit my older brother with a fry pan( no offense Cru., she really did it.) and once she caught him eating "her chocolates" that she kept special for herself, and went out and bought a ton of it, locked us in the bathroom, and made my brother eat them ALL till he was sick.....she had me watch as a warning! She even told me my food had poison in it once after I got in trouble for trying to feed my little sis. playdough.....granted we did some things wrong, but c'm on!!!! She was a monster in my eyes, she loved to bash my father, and even told me if I did not stop crying, I would never see him again.......he turned the tables on that one! Then, I meet my SS, and his BM has done some really terrible things to him, such as beating him w/ a belt, and biting him, humiliating him by calling him names, and with holding love and care for him. My SS has seen her drunk, naked, throwing up, and arrested for beating her husband. Nothing was done about it. My DH & I have had a D.A. from Fl. tell us flat out, in regaurds to the belt incident , that the abuse was not bad enough, that they have seen worse, and it was not abuse, to hit your kid w/ a belt......I believe there was a post about some one getting a prison issue belt by a cop to control their Skid, it was a while ago, can't remember who wrote it. I'm no stranger to abuse, when my SS walked into my house with those welts, and told me what happened, I WENT SICK. Called the police, brought it up in court, and nothing happened!!!!!! I cried my eyes out over that, it brought it all back for me. Like Sia here says, we need to learn from eachother, and benifit from the advice we choose to take. I know my choices, and what advice I'll be taking."~waiting on the world to change~"

I simply cannot believe what BM has gotton away with over the years!!! At first she had family members getting her off the hook, and making excuses for her, but now they can no longer justify it, my DH included. The courts, however, did not see her to be "that bad", as they try to "keep families together"...what a laugh. My Dad took it into his own hands, he took us away from "her", and told her if she wanted to keep breathing, to stay away from us! He is very Italian, and intimidating!!! When my daughter was born, I did hear from "her", and met with her face to face, only to relay those same words. She is still waiting for that cold day in hell."~waiting on the world to change~"

I have tried to stay out of the drama that has been swarming around you, and have tried to keep my comments/opinions to myself.. But in my opinion I think that you would be more accepted here if you wouldn't refer to your ss's BF as SpermDonor/WombDonor. Not that you don't have the right to say what you feel here, because you do...but I wanted to say that. I think that you have some good valid points and am afraid that I won't see the points, but just SpermDonor/WombDonor name calling... I hope you understand, that I'm not trying to be ugly, just honest..

My nephew's BF has no teeth either, (crack) and his adopted father, my nephew's grandfather, molested him when he was very young and after diagnosed with autism. I do also think that capitol punishment should prevail.......Death in some cases is to too good/easy to those who abuse. I'm grateful that the state has made my nephew's BF pay child support and I am also grateful that they don't make my nephew spend time with him...... I do no condone child abusers ! (was funny, because obviously the people who were in jail with nephew's grandfather don't condone child abuse either, because when he was released from jail, he had no teeth either !!!!!

We live in a world full of disfunctional people, I'm still trying to weed thru them..

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!