O/T: When you do a favor for someone, whose time frame is it on?
Your availability and convenience, or their need?
My DW is doing BIL2's and SIL2's taxes from 21, 22, and 23. DW is a very high cost CPA. BIL2/SIL2 are hard workers, make crap financial choices, don't do their taxes for years at a time. They gave her their 20 information mid yaer 23.
.
SIL2 is now calling/messaging daily. They submitted 21 and 22 info to DW in late 23 and recently gave her 23 info. It is tax season, DW is of course jumping through her ass backwards for her brother. 12hr work days, then several hours in the evenings working on BIL2's/SIL2's tax returns.
Yes, they need the money. She is going to get them a shit ton of money back.
But, it pisses me off that their procrastination and desperation is stressing my DW out.
If I were DW, they would suffer until I had time to deal with it after April 15th.
Is my position asshole-ish?
I have not said a thing to my DW other than to not stress about it. I am biting my tongue beyond that before I get myself in trouble.
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Rags, I have a family member
Rags, I have a family member who has repeatedly drained me, both financially and emotionally and it drives my husband nuts! However, over the years he has learned to keep his opinions to himself since I’ll never turn my back on this sibling. I love her dearly and although she’s very needy in so many ways, she does her best to repay me with small, thoughtful acts.
When I announce a visit from this sibling, my husband’s entire body tenses up and I can almost see his gut clenching.
Because I suffer from arthritis, hosting my sister is more onerous than it was in years past and recognizing that I’ll be exhausted after she leaves is what aggravates my husband the most; he worries that I’ll overdo it. And he’s right; I continually go overboard.
Rags, blood will always be thicker than water and, like your bride, I derive a lot of satisfaction from helping out my sister. If my husband were to utter a word of complaint, he’d be made to suffer.
So, my friend, bite your tongue and present your bride with a cup of tea or a glass of wine when she’s wearily hovering over her relatives’ tax returns. As is often said, ‘Happy wife, happy life!’
I agree
I agree grannyd. My DH also gets upset with my siblings and their neediness. And I am the youngest. He has learned to not say anything, but will jump in to help me help them to ease my stress sometimes.
In our house we say 'Happy Spouse, Happy House"
Hey, classy,
Hey, classy,
You've written:
' He has learned to not say anything, but will jump in to help me help them to ease my stress sometimes.'
And that's exactly the way visits go at Chez grannyd. Before relatives arrive, either from DH's side of the family or mine, my uxorious husband leaps into action; wielding the vacuum cleaner, the duster and shopping for fine foods, no expense spared.
Isn’t it grand, classy, to have a loving, reliable husband? I’ll always believe (as do you, Rags) that a good marriage is the key to happiness. Truly, what else is there, particularly in one’s declining years, than living with someone that you love unequivocally?
DH and I were at my bank recently; he shopped while I opened a new account. When I was nearly done, I notified him on our walkie-talkie and he met me in the financial advisor’s office. How I loved seeing him! We hugged, laughing, as if we had not seen one other for a week.
Sometimes, I consider my marital relationship to be exceptional but then I read about the tight connection between Rags and his ‘bride’ as well as that between my sister and her DH (together for 60 years) and others in DH's and my family to grasp the fact that love can and does last.
grannyd it takes years to
grannyd it takes years to learn this stuff! You are sooo right!! I learned it too... the other day BIL was in $$$ trouble - as everyday - but this time it was horrible, homeless, jobless, ill, useless spouse, etc... My SO was feeling so bad even thought the limit has been reached on helping, I offered SO a couple of hundred bucks for BIL food. SO was so greatful and happy.
If they have waited this long
If they have waited this long, they can wait until her workload lessens. RUDE!
People that don't plan and
People that don't plan and live in Disneyland cause people like us who plan and are organized to go out of our way and absorb their stress... It looks like it never changes.
If they can wait 3 years to
If they can wait 3 years to drag it all together, they can wait until your DW is damn good and ready to help them for free. As they have proven, you don't have to file by April 15th if you are getting money back. The government is more than happy to hold onto it for you.
How do you get away with not
How do you get away with not filing your taxes for three years? Then manage to get a shit ton of money back?
They rarely owe taxes and the Gov't is happy to keep any returns
Low income earners, child tax credits, new baby,"business" expenses/losses, depreciation write off on assets, etc. Is why they occassionally get a large return.
Sadly this is a multigenerational experience in my IL clan. My FIL fancied himself a farmer. He never made a cent at it. In fact the dream cost them their home and two farms. His youngest son also fancies himself a farmer. Occassionally he will have a decent year and make a bit of money. Unfortunatley he has a tractor and farming equipment habit that burns any profit he occassionally makes.
Maybe a compromise? Finish 21
Maybe a compromise? Finish 21. Let 22 slip into another year. File an extension for 23. Then your sweet DW can finish after her own busy season, which no doubt includes the Rags' family taxes.
Your dear bride is a sweetie, but boundaries are not her strong suit, huh? Walk her through a script she can use to tell the pushy relatives to back off. Be sure to include that they can take their stuff to a tax service if the timeframe of her favor isn't sufficient.
If they're going to play at
If they're going to play at this game,I'd attach a condition or two to my helping them, e.g either you give me the required information the very instant it's needed or you will give me 30% of your rebate. Failure to comply will immediately terminate all help you require of me.
They get refunds. But, due to
They get refunds. But, due to the delays in filing any refund is reviewed to cover any taxes for the following year. As I understand it anyway. Once 23 is filed, they will get their cumulative refund for all three years. Not sure how big. I don't ask, DW wouldn't tell if I did. We talk work stuff all of the time but not any financial specifics regarding her clients including her family members that she does taxes for, pro bono.
The challenge is that they both work jobs, and he has a farming "business". Which very tightly straddles the fence between a business and a hobby.
My XBIL's (XW's brother) employer was caught in a tax fraud situation over farm business Vs hobby farm classifications several decades ago. The owner was a very successful Dentist who owned a thoughrobred horse breeding ranch. He spent huge money on his ranch. Construction, buying stud horses for the semental services part of the business, etc.... My XBIL was the horse production manager. His undergrad was in animal husbandry and Ag business. One AM he was doing what he was paid to do running the ranch, the next day he had no job and he and his family had to move immediately. His position came with housing on the ranch. There were all kinds of investigators all over the place.
I truly hope that my BIL2 is not pushing the envelope too close to the edge. He leases all of his fields so odds are if he gets hit by the IRS it will be with penalties and interest and not overt tax fraud. Though even that would devastate their ability to live and provide for their kids.
Tney live on their job earnings. BIL2's farm "income" is intermittent but "it is his dream".