Blended family and inheritance.
What does evey think.
Who gets what? Do Skids get equal shares to Bios? How is it distributed between yours/mine/ours?
Some very close family friends had a challenge with this. The wife died after ~35 years of marriage. Several years later her surviving spouse married the mother of their oldest child's wife who was also widow'd.
Our family friends had two children, who were ~28 (married to his future step sister) and 23 (unmarried at the time) when their mom died. The new wife (and oldest child's MIL) had 6.
The new wife insisted that her 6 children have equal shares of her new husbands estate upon his demise. She even started wearing the first wife's jewelry.
The youngest of the two family friends children freaked out and had a long period of estrangement from the new blended family though her dad would visit her regularly though insisting on the new wife comming along.
The youngest of the family friends children was of the opinion that the resources accumulated by her parents up until the death of her mother should go to she and her brother. Anythign accrued after that should go equally to each of the 8 children in the blended family.
She also had an issue with the fact that her brother and his wife would get a double share Vs the other 7 and their spouses would only get a single share since neither was married to a StepSib.
Eventually the youngest family friend was able to convincer her father that mom's jewelry should go to she and her brother and SIL.
My thoughts are that the resources accrued during an initial marriage should go to the surviving spouse and the children of that marriage in lieu of going to a second spouse and Skids. Anything accrued from the point of a subsequent marriage should go equally to yours/mine/hours.
Any opinions?
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Comments
Wow, I would sure love some
Wow, I would sure love some advice on this one. My husband's first wife died a few years ago. They have four young "adult" children. I have no children, and we will not be having children. My husband was in a huge financial mess (no life insurance and lots of debt). We were able to maintain the home for a while after we got married, but he owed way more than the home was worth, and had a 14% interest mortgage. The house was trashed from the kids letting the 12, yes TWELVE dogs and cats go to the bathroom everywhere. I have helped my husband pay down the debts that he and first wife incurred (she was a good friend of mine). We had to refinance the house so that it would not go to foreclosure (his lender would not agree to a short sale), and we had to use my inheritence last year and monthly to refi. We have also used my inheritence to repaint and replace all the flooring in this house, as it smelled so bad. This is work that my husband and I did ourselves. The kids were really mad when we got married and the house was their biggest problem. I hate living in the house anyway and would love my own house, that I pick out, not one I have to have to bail someone else out, to protect his credit. I kind of feel that if he died, the house should be sold, I recoup my investment and any other profit goes to the kids. Legally, it will go to me directly anyway. Any advice you all can give would be great!
I have my life insurance
I have my life insurance split equal between my 3 children. I have extra life insurance policy that is payable to DH that is meant to help take care of BS should I die.
In my prior job, I had more life insurance and extra insurance for which I did include SD, but at my current job I cannot afford to pay for the extra.
DH doesnt have life insurance and I am pretty sure neither does BM...
I am leaving everything to my
I am leaving everything to my dh-what he does with it is cool with me. I trust him to do my bio kids right. He is leaving everything to me-again it is my discretion to do whatever I want with it. If we both went together I guess we would split it with all 4 kids. BM asked dh to make ss a beneficiary on his life insurance policy. He told her no. That I was his beneficiary and if i werent around his mom was beneficiary and he trusted us to do whatever we liked.
When I die my biokids and/or
When I die my biokids and/or hubby will get everything. When dh dies I and/or kids (including ss) get everything. If I die first, anything that is mine will go to MY kids, not ss. Dh knows better than to even consider it going to his son. Unfortunately for all the kids right now, neither dh nor I have any real assets so they better hope we're around a lot longer!!
Oh, and also...this is a
Oh, and also...this is a great reason to get a will done! I think you can do it online now too.
Ditto! I had MY house and all
Ditto! I had MY house and all MY other assets (stocks, 401k, IRA, life insurance, etc.) BEFORE I married H, so IMO these things rightfully belong to MY children upon my passing, NOT H's. H has NO ASSETS, only debts, & I had to FORCE H to get life insurance and I even paid the premium! Ugh!
Honestly this scares me. I love my H but he is VERY bad with money. I have absolutely NO confidence that he will manage my assists well & protect them for my children after I'm gone.
I had a will as a single parent none since I've been married. I think a trip to an attorney is in order pronto!
I think in your case Rags,
I think in your case Rags, whatever the guy came into the relationship with from his deceased wife belongs to the children of that union and no one else when he passes.
I've always had a somewhat
I've always had a somewhat similar take on this. I work hard now to provide the kind of life I want for my children while they are young and dependent partially because I have no intention of providing for them when they are adults and partially so I can set an example for them of what they can achieve as an independent responsible adult. I worked my way through college and paid for my own education & I plan on giving my children that same "gift" of independence. I came out of college earning a higher salary than both my parents who didn't have any assets and I never expected them to give me anything nor resented them for not giving me anything. I'm also a fan of the Suze Orman finance management style, so I haven't set aside one thin dime toward my children's college educations and do not plan to. IMO one of the best gifts I can give my adult children is NOT having to support and care for me in my retirement, and since I cannot afford to save for both I save for my retirement instead. For parents who want and can afford to do both more power to them, but like Suze says, remember that there are scholarships, grants & loans for college, but none of this exists for retirement. I vote for caring about my children's educations now so I don't have fund them later when my children are adults and should be in charge of their own destiny!
The "who gets what"
The "who gets what" conversation is interesting...DH & I had it a couple years ago before we got married. He has 2 kids, I have none. At first he thought that he would leave his half of the house we were planning to buy to his kids and I said NO WAY! I wasn't willing to live in MY house and run the risk that his kids could force me to sell. He hadn't thought of it that way, so when I said "fine, I'll leave my half to my sister", he started to think about it differently. So, now that we just bought our house, it's in our names as "joint tenants" so it automatically passes to the other.
We are planning to make the will in a few weeks. Can't wait till he figures out that I have no plan to leave anything of mine (jewelry especially) to his kids. It will all go to my cousin & sister.
Exactly! Or, if the
Exactly! Or, if the stipulation is that it HAS to be used for college, the same thing could happen, only including the "easiest" (and therefore often "useless") degree path available, whatever that may be at the time. Oh, and there's also those who enroll just long enough to collect the funds then drop - like many do with student loans these days!
Trust me if your intent is "education" but their goal is "money", they will always find a workaround without even considering your "legacy" or the long-term implications of their selfishness & greed. These are, afterall typically still "teenagers" we're talking about here. If a child has been raised with an entitlement lifestyle then sadly they will usually NOT be thinking like independent, responsible "adults" at that age.
In the case of my parents
In the case of my parents they are each others sole heir and beneficiary. Once they are both gone their estate goes 50/50 to my brother and I.
If the case of my wife and I we are each other's 100% heir and beneficiary. In the event of our joint demise our estate and Life Insurance goes in to trust for our kid until he completes a four year degree from an accredited institutionor reaches age 40.
Thanks for the feedback on my original blog.