seething
SO and I have just got back from a lovely weekend away. I greeted SD21 as i walked in the room as i would always do when i walk into any room where someone was sat. And yes i was ignored. SO witnessed it all and not a word.
He went and collected SD18 from work (yes he is still doing this) and left SD21 and I alone. I am quite comfortable with the silence, didnt bother me in the slightest as i have no interest making small talk with someone with no manners.
SO returns and both walk into lounge and oh surprise surprise im ignored by sd18. Not a peep out of her but she greeted her sister. Again SO witnessed and nothing said.
My dilemma now is do i start a fight and raise these concerns or just continue with being ignored. I know that if either of them address any part of conversation to me i will flip and my response will be .. 'oh so you did realise im here in the room then. Glad to know your manners havent improved at all'
Im seething with SO for not pulling them up. I know he will claim he didnt notice. I dont want to ruin A lovely weekend and im contemplating going home but then the girls get what they want. Me not here.
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Frankly, I wouldn't let what
Frankly, I wouldn't let what those girls want or don't want affect me in the slightest. They're being rude to you to drive you away. So? Go away. Let SO figure it out. He can expect his kids to be polite or he can expect to spend his weekends with them instead of you. If he's got a brain, he prefers you. If not, he's not a keeper anyway.
^^^ good words, Moe.
^^^ good words, Moe.
Duplicate. But I'll let the first sentence stand so moe gets 2 votes.
^^^ good words, Moe. This
^^^ good words, Moe.
This has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time. But sd didn't start this tactic until she was about 14 and we were already married. Went the rounds with dh on it. Very hurtful.
Just this morning as I walked into the common area for the first time and all three of them were there it took dh a minute but all of the sudden he said, "I almost forgot: Good Morning, Chief!" He said it pointedly so the kids knew it was supposed to be their cue. They got it and did it. This is pretty much the first time DH has done this on his own without any preceding incident or cue or discussion with me. Maybe he's finally getting it.
When it first started happening (her ignoring my presence) I told dh "do not let this get to be a habit, once she's comfortable doing it, it will be extremely hard to break." Of course, his head was in the clouds. So now it is, in fact, a habit. She has gotten in enough trouble for it and she's matured a bit so she's less defiant when she gets called out but what does she do? She says "hey" or some other mono-syllable so softly under her breath you need a CIA eavesdropping system to hear it. See she's technically in compliance but showing how much she doesn't mean it. And that is exactly what I call the wages of letting it get to be a habit. Should have taught her manners when she first started it--she'd have completely forgotten to be rude by now. Grrrr!
My other advice to you is treat these young women like the adults they are. Since you are not married, that may be problematic. But I have told my dh the day she turns 18 I'm taking it all into my own hands and treating her like any other adult and that means not allowed in my home if you can't be pleasant.
ChiefGrownup, frankly, I
ChiefGrownup, frankly, I don't know how I would respond if I had to live with this disruptive behaviour. But I think it's important to define my terms for happiness... and giving someone I don't like who treats me unpleasantly control over where I go and whether I enjoy myself doesn't seem like a recipe for happiness.
It's different with teens, different if you're married. And each person involved is different. I know, nothing is easy! I just think, I don't want this person's stress to become my unhappiness.
Your upset here is not with
Your upset here is not with the rude ADULTS (not kids, adults), but their father who has failed to teach them respect.
"I know he will claim he didnt notice."
Well, if he'd like to include you in his family, he better start noticing his little adults are rude and react appropriately. That would look like "You are no longer minors and therefore I am no longer legally obligated to house, feed, and transport you. I will stop doing these things for you if you do not start being polite to Raggles. I have chosen her as my significant other, and ignoring her is not only rude, but an insult to me, and I will not tolerate it in my house. Shape up or ship out."
Seriously, he's just being passive and scared of standing up to his own children. Tell him that women lose attraction toward men they can't respect.
Cadence you have nailed it on
Cadence you have nailed it on the head
However he would never say any of that to his precious girls. we had a long chat while away about lack of respect girls have for him but he just will not parent them.
It is convenient for me to stay 2night had it not been i would have left.
At 8pm the eldest left to go back to her residence. She stood there waving at me and my SO had the cheek to say to me oh sd21 is leaving and saying gdbye!!
sorry i wasnt aware waving and not speaking to the person in the same room was the correct way to say gdbye.
Anyway the last hour has been lovely as sd18 has gone to her room and SO are having another lovely eveing.
They will both be never welcome in my house if we ever move back intogether.
im furious he cant see how rude they are and not deal with it. I have explained in the past its unattractive/huge turn off the lack of respect he instills in his skids and the lack of respect they have for him.
I cant wait for next friday when i have to go through this all again!!!
After that i wont be setting foot in his house until he stands up and parents.
Since you do not live with
Since you do not live with him how about just not going to his home when his crotchlets are there?
Why not keep saying hello or
Why not keep saying hello or whatever greeting louder and louder and louder until they respond????? Works like a charm, and DH can't claim he failed to notice THAT.
Catmom that will be my next
Catmom that will be my next move.
I will not go over or stay over again if this continues.
If SO refuses to parent and demand respect for himself let alone me then i dont want to be around any of them including SO