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SD20 graduation

Raggles's picture

She graduates this June and has 2 tickets.
obviously she has asked her dad and i never expected to go as we dont get on. I have no issue with that at all. At present she lives with her paternal grandparents-her choice . I thought she would ask one of them to attend.
No she asked her mother.
Now i understand that this is her day amd they are her parent. Yet the whole time she has been at Uni she has had no help from her BM at all, and she rarely sees her unless its birthdays or xmas. They dont text or phone generally zero contact.
Part of me understands that she would like both her parents there. Part of me has no idea why she invited her mother.
My biggest concern is how i feel knowing they are all potentially going to play happy families for the duration of the ceremony.

That was a feeling i didnt like and dont want to experience again but guess i will - weddings, babies and there are 4 sds to contend with.

Comments

Indigo's picture

You moved out and moved on, right? Or I am mis-remembering? If so, none of this matters anymore.

If you are still married, engaged in the family dynamic and active in the situation, I can see how at first glance this may bother you. As much of an imperfect human as BM is ... she is still SD20's mother and it makes sense that SD may want to invite her. What is one of the first things any Divorce Workshop/Mandatory Court Class preach? "Children have the right and need to love both parents."

A few hours of minimal contact to witness SD20 launching out into the world? I'd say it was worth it to not fuss about it much. As for the "pretending to be family" part of the equation? Technically, they are biomom/biodad. "Pretending to be civil" for a few hours shouldn't be that big a deal --- unless there are Orders of Protection, or photos of them in a long liplock begin to appear on social media.

Good for SD20 to graduate. Congrats to all the people who helped her. Now, if she will just find a job, apartment and a good life ! Biggrin

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Tell your husband to call the university and get more tickets. Beg, borrow or plead - they can be had. You don't need to be your SDs guest, you can be your husband's guest.
This subject always pops up on this board in the spring and there many different ways to approach it but here is the one that works for us:
We do not attend big life events separately. My SS did not invite either of us and when DH asked he was told "you can come, but your wife cannot" - BM bot in action - neither of us went to his college graduation two years ago. No gifts followed.

Raggles's picture

I wouldnt go even if invited. Thats not what it is about. Its SD20 day - her and I dont get on anyway.
It was how i felt when i discovered BM and SO could be going together.
Never expected to feel like i did.

Raggles's picture

I may well be!. Unfortunately BM managed to alientate her children without any help from SO or myself. They all chose to live with their father (except sd8 who was 4 at the time) at the time of the separation.

Raggles's picture

Yes moved out but still together. I just cant live with SD17 and the way SO parents. For sanity sake we are back to separate houses and dating!
I get that its all about SD20 and yes she wants her parents there. So she should. I just found it hard that for 3 yrs she has had very little to do with her BM and now she wants her help to celebrate!
She has got herself a job and has worked hard and done well for herself.

I was posting really as i was more surprised about my feelings over the situation of dad &BM being together. Oh and i havent said a word to SO there is no point having an argue over my feelings.

Disneyfan's picture

She may not have the best relationship with her mother, but she still loves her and want her to share in her milestones.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

She may feel obliged to invite BM even if she doesn't want her there. I didn't invite my father but the peer pressure to let him come to graduation was enormous.

BethAnne's picture

Yeah, those kind of feelings suck, they are totally natural but they still make us feel nervous and uncomfortable. Book yourself into do something nice on graduation day that can distract you from it all and so you have something to look forward to. Go see some family and old friend or treat yourself to a day out.

Raggles's picture

Thanks for making me laugh Sally!!!
If only chucking the skids at BM and hijacking SO was an option