I would like to apologize for not reading and replying to everyone who sent me emails. Thank you for all for caring about me.

Ss tried to commit suicide a few weeks ago. He cut his wrists with some sharp object he found in the barn area. He planned everything out meticulously. He even found a small corner in the bathroom that was not covered by a camera. But fortunately they found him 5-10 minutes after he cut himself. He even cut his wrists vertically. Luckily he missed his left vein.

And when he regained conciousness, he had a breakdown that they saved him. They had to sedate him. Of course my Dh was there within a few hours after they found him. I went the very next day.

I feel terrible for saying this but I told Ss he was extremely selfish. I was upset and angry. I made him cry and I felt like a complete bitch. But I couldn't help it. We were both crying. My Dh got worried sick, literally. He had a fever the next day. And not once did he leave Ss's side. So my Dh and I had our first big fight. I couldn't sleep at night for a few days because I said that to Ss.

Then we sat down in the hospital with Ss and he had another breakdown. He said, and I quote, "I just want someone to love me and want me around". We were all crying. And no matter what we said, we couldn't comfort him.

My Dh had a few more sessions with Ss and the therapist in the hospital. One day I get a frantic call asking me where the pictures are for Ss's 9th and 8th birthday. Ss was saying that he cared only about his other kids and not him. That he doesn't even have any pictures of his birthdays. I tore up the house looking for the pictures. I couldn't find them. I called my Dh in tears. And he was angry at ME! I couldn't believe it. I just cried that whole night.

And Ss made a long list of how he is treated worse than everyone else. We just can't win. He brought up vacations we went on, things we did and stuff we can't even remember. There was so much resentment.

Then it gets worse. A girl in the school admitted to touching Ss's privates in therapy. She was 17. She will turn 18 in November. She felt guilty about Ss being hospitalized so she fessed up. So the police got involved but Ss wouldn't say a word. They told us they can't pursue it further unless Ss talks. Then the girl recanted and said she lied. So now we don't know anything.

I got a call from my Dh on last Friday saying he is bringing Ss home. He does not trust the school anymore and that it was a huge mistake. I told him I don't want Ss around my kids. I don't want them to be there if he tries to kill himself again. We had a massive fight. So now, my Dh and Ss are staying in the basement apartment of the house we own but is currently rented out to a couple. My Dh asked them to move out by October. Luckily we didn't renew the lease. There is a nurse who will stay with Ss while my Dh goes to work. He plans on getting his VP to take over his duties while he takes a few months break so he can be with Ss full-time.

Basically, my Dh and I are separated. He will come on weekends to be with our kids while I go and spend time with Ss. Ss seems better (I saw him Sunday). He is eating and doesn't look like he is anorexic(well, not as bad anyway). And he even let me hug him. Ss will probably do better and I will be the huge bitch who almost came in the way. I will feel guilty for years. But he is a great kid. My heart breaks knowing what he has gone through. I just hope he can get past this. I just want to see him smile again.

My Dh and I can't even look each other in the eye now. I thought about divorce. But I still love him. I love them both. And he told me he loved me too. We agreed for marriage counselling. But I refuse to budge on Ss being around our kids. So I don't know how this marriage will last. I just don't know

I want to thank everyone on this site for all their kind words and advice. I could not have done it without you guys. My eyes are tearing up just writing this. I will be taking a break from Steptalk. Spend time with my kids outdoors. I plan to eat more. I lost way too much weight. Maybe in a month or two I will come back with good news. Hopefully.

I will try my best to reply to all the emails I got. Thank you everyone. All of you guys mean a lot to me.