We have been getting our money and wills in order, especially since Ss is being sent to the facility. What is causing some friction between is how he is treating Ss. I do not control what my Dh spends his money on. He makes a lot more than me but I am very comfortable with my earnings. As long as he makes the appropriate contributions in savings and retirement, I don't really care. He carries three life insurance policies. One for me and two for Ss. I carry my own policy for my kids.

If my Dh were to pass away tomorrow, it has been set up such that Ss will get around 3500 per month for the rest of his life. We also have an apartment we are renting out. It is paid off (by my Dh) and is in California. Ss will get the apartment while I get the house we are in right now (paid off too). So Ss will only have to pay utilities and food with 3500. That is a lot of money. All of this is fine with me. I will be in charge of making sure Ss does not blow all the money. If Ss is underage, I will get guardianship. But if Ss is still not better he will remain in the facility.

My Dh said he hoped I would visit Ss there once in a while. I got very upset. How can he think I would just abandon Ss. But I realized I was getting upset for something that probably won't even happen. If both of us pass away, Dh's best friend will be doing this. He is a great guy.

My main problem is that I feel my Dh is not allowing Ss to grow. He is resigned to the fact that Ss won't go to college (although he has a full college fund) and even get a good job. But it is complete enabling.

What is really upsetting me is Dh's retirement plan. He wants to rent out the home we are in right now when we retire. He wants to get another one that is smaller. And he wants to get a house with a separate apartment in the basement. He says its for Ss. It makes me so frustrated. If he has no expectations that Ss will improve, then obviously Ss won't. By enabling him so much, Ss will be living with us forever.

I know I said I won't say anything related to Ss but I feel I need to make a firm stand. I am fine with everything except the basement apartment thing. It has been a constant argument for a while now. I just don't know what to do. And with everything going on right now, I'l just sound like a heartless person who wants to send Ss away. I want him to be successful just like how I want my kids to be. My Dh doesn't get this.

Ss is already so dependant on us. It is going to make sending him to the facility so much more difficult. My Dh buys all his clothes. Ss has not even picked his own underwear ever. Just so very frustrating.