SS Blaring TV Woke Me Up at Four AM! R U KIDDING ME???
After having a heart to heart conversation with SS25 last week about being on the hunt for a full time job (a conversation that brought him to tears because he's "tired of being a loser"... his words, not mine) I had to force DH to get up at 4 AM this morning to go tell SS25 to turn the freakin' tv down. If it were me, I would think that staying up till 4 AM on a weeknight when I know I need to be up early to look for a job is a BAD IDEA. But not SS25. DH called him this morning to see where he's gone to apply so far, and he didn't answer. The reason he didn't answer is because he's still in bed. It's almost noon here, and his lazy ass is still in bed. I have told DH that we need to set a time line for him, so he knows he has to have a full time job by a certain date. DH disagrees. He says he wants to help him, and giving him a deadline would only put more pressure on him. This no doubt comes from the oh-poor-me-I'm-such-a-loser tears he shed on Thursday during our conversation. Call me crazy, but I'm starting to think those tears were more about keeping us off of his ass then they were about him being upset. Never in my life have I felt more taken advantage of than I do right now. I know that in the back of his mind, DH fears SS25 will do something to seriously harm himself if we ride him too hard, because that's what his BM threatens when she doesn't get her way, and it works every time. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of seeing him laze around my house for days on end while DH and I work so hard. Does anyone have any ideas other than setting a deadline, or better yet, an idea that would help DH see that a deadline is a GOOD thing?
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Well, he's certainly
Well, he's certainly mastered manipulation. Sorry poison, unless your dh gets his head out of his ass, you're stuck with this douche in your house forever. Perhaps you should stop working and laze around all day and cry about it and let dh take on all the load?
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Tell him he has to leave the
Tell him he has to leave the house when you and DH are gone for work. He may return when you all return. Don't allow him the opportunity to laze around YOUR house. See how long other people will allow him to laze around theirs day after day. Maybe eventually he will run out of places to laze and will be forced to find something better to do with his time like get a job. Also, maybe forcing him to be out of the house during the day will force him to be awake during that time and his sleeping schedule to return to somewhat normal. Oh and don't let him keep a key on him during the week...lol. He could slip back in.
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
That is a great idea. And
That is a great idea. And take the cable cord to bed with you so he can't watch tv all night.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
I like the way SVS is
I like the way SVS is thinking on this one. IF DH doesn't want to set a timeline. Then start making rules that make living at your house indefinitely less bearable. For example, the WHOLE HOUSE has an 11 p.m. lights out. You and DH have to get up to work and SUPPORT HIS LAZY ASS in the morning, you have a right to uninterrupted sleep. All meals are to be taken together. If he doesn't sit down to eat breakfast and dinner with you he doesn't eat. Put locks on the pantry if you have to.
And for god's sake, if this grown man is living in your house rent free he should be participating in the cleaning. Your DH needs to see this one. When you and DH are at work all day, leave out the cleaning supplies and a list. He can vacuum, do the bathrooms, dust, mop, whatever. Explain to your DH that his son will feel LESS like a loser if you give him expectations and he has tasks to fulfill. By completing small tasks like cleaning a room he may get fired up to take on bigger things like finding a job.
These are all good ideas. I
These are all good ideas. I have tried the cleaning list before, worked for about a day then he never did anything again. And I can't stand a dirty house, so I can't leave it go for too long without a good scrub down. But I do love Crizzle's idea of him being out of the house while we are at work. And we both work two jobs, so that would get him out of my house from early morning until about nine pm, and every saturday morning as well. I just don't understand why anyone would want to live by freeloading off of someone else, parent or not. Granted, my parents have helped me out tremendously. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. However, the whole time they were helping me, I was working full time, at least one job. I have never sat on my lazy ass and expected the world to come to me. I'd like to try the cleaning list again, because by the time the weekends come around, I'm so tired from working all week, the last think I want to do is clean. Does anybody know anything about satellite tv? I mean, is it possible to block out all channels during the day so he has nothing to watch?
I believe you could block
I believe you could block all channels just as you would with young kids and adult channels. You would probably have to set a pin #. If you call your satellite company they can probably tell you how to do it.
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
*like* "A pessimist
*like*
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Is that like clicking the
Is that like clicking the "like" button on FB? LOL
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
Yep. I think Thetis came up
Yep. I think Thetis came up with the idea. I love it!
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
LOL, that's awesome! Maybe
LOL, that's awesome! Maybe Steptalk should insert some "LOVE IT!" buttons for us to click!
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
I think a deadline is a
I think a deadline is a great thing. When I was 18 my parents told me I had to pay rent since I was an adult now and needed to learn to take care of myself. Yet I was still lazy did nothing and sat around all day as well. About month went by and they told me that I had two weeks to find a job or I was going to have to find somewhere else to live. That set a fire under my ass and I had my first job within 36 hours. I know it does not sound like the best thing in the world, but at 25 he can more than hold a job and I think the reason he is not trying is there is no consequences set if he does not do this. Even at 25, tell him he has to start chipping in for bills and if he does not then he does not get use of what he is not paying for.