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Im sure you guys are all sick of hearing me gripe.... but its never ending

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 10:15am

June can't come fast enough....three whole months to relax without the skids and get my head together.

Dh didn't go to work yesterday.....yet again. So he was home in the evening. It came time to have everyone get ready for bed. I keep my boys with me in the living room until the skids are done changing and using the bathroom to keep them out of that madness. Once they are in bed I send bs3 to brush his teeth then I pit him in bed.

I was reading bs3 his bedtime story while the skids were fighting over the bathroom. Ss11 lurking in the bathroom door (even tho he's been forbidden to do that as he has creepy habits and tries to watch bs go to the bathroom and bathe) and SD freaking out because he has his hand on her door jam. Shreiking get out of my room get out of my room....over his hand resting on her door frame. Dh thankfully yelled at both of them....her for acting like a brat over stupidness and him for once again lurking in the bathroom door when someone is in there.

Then this morning I am getting ready to leave for work and I lay out bs3s toothbrush and toothpaste on the counter for him since he can't reach the holder up on the wall. As I am leaving I hear him yell out that he can't find his tooth brush. I go back into the bathroom, and sure enough no toothbrush...just the toothpaste. So I start looking around. I call to the skids to ask if anyone moved his toothbrush...no and no. I finally find it hidden on the back of the toilet under a hand towel. No way it made it there by accident. One of those little shits hid it on purpose to upset bs.

I turn around to leave the bathroom after I got be set up to brush his teeth....and who do you think was watching us from the bathroom door? Ss11 of coarse. I asked him "can I help you?!?" And dh gets mad at me that I'm upset over nothing.

I tell him I'm upset because one of the his bs's toothbrush. He goes where did you find it. (Implying that it was probably moved by accident) I tell him and he says nothing to his kids. But had I left two minutes earlier then I wouldn't have been there to find his toothbrush, bs would have gotten frustrated and upset and he would have been yelled at by dh for being a cranky pants....all planned out by a skid.

Comments

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 10:47am

^^^THIS

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 10:49am

I don't know why I stay. I guess I feel responsible for dh and the skids.

Everyone around me (other than the people on this board) think that there's nothing wrong with any of this...that its all in my head. They are just little kids. My moms answer for every thing is...just give them more love. She thinks ss11 is the cats meow, greatest most misunderstood kid ever. All dhs family sees me as the evil step mom and the skids as these poor victims. Dh acts like there's nothing wrong with how things are...other than how I hate his kids.

Its like I get resolve in what I deserve and how things need to change but then everyone else wears me down to where I doubt myself. Then I start thinking oh maybe it isn't really so bad...maybe this is normal for them to act this way...I must be over reacting.

Maybe I'm just waiting for something big to happen so I can feel "blameless" when I leave. Deep down I do love duh...but I couldn't tell you why. I like being with him when its just us...but then when you add in all the other bull crap it doesn't seem worth it.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 10:54am

I'm sorry sweetie. You're a great person and seem so torn. This is what gets to me though - you saying: I guess I feel responsible for dh and the skids

You are only responsible for YOURSELF and your own. NOT him and his. You can't live your life for anyone but yourself. When people live their lives catering to others, they lose themselves in the process and become resentful and unhappy.

Life isn't worth being miserable every day. We're only here once and for a short amount of time. You need to live as happily as you can. If you take away anything from what I've said, please let this sink in - YOU are worth it. YOU mean everything. YOU have a life to live.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 11:36am

I honestly think the toothbrush was SD not SS. She's more sneaky and vindictive.... The toothbrush just isn't ss's style. He likes annoying other kids and picking at their triggers....but he isn't conniving and trying to get people in trouble. That's SD. She's sneaky and manipulative and would actually get pleasure and satisfaction out of bs3 getting yelled at.

Of the two of them my heart is softer towards SS. He did have a rough start in life (neglectful mother) and he does have ADHD. So a lot of what he does isn't necissarly intentional. He does a lot of it without thinking. Not an excuse...but I do understand he has a harder time than normal.

SD is just a mean nasty person. She also knows how to push buttons and get SS going g and step back and watch him take the fall. Its almost impossible to pull apart their issues and figure out what really occurred because they are both so I'll behaved and manipulative.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 12:18pm

For what its worth....I totally agree with you on not letting your daughter go to the dance.

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Wed, 02/27/2013 - 1:02pm

Peanut - sounds to me while you have some feelings for your DH (which ofcourse you would as you married him and had two children with him), you also feel guilt tripped into remaining in this relationship and accepting how you are treated. The people who are penning you in, are the very people who you love, trust and respect you to give you a rational view of what is going on i.e. your mother.

It's reasonable that you would listen to friends and family who know you/your family and who you trust to give you good advice over us on this board however feeling responsible for DH and skids (i.e. *saving* them) and guilted by people who may mean well but have very little real idea of what your life is like is no reason to remain walking on egg shells and having to be three steps in front of skids and DH's shitty behaviour in order to maintain some semblance of calm for your life and to avoid being raked over the hot coals for looking at the skids the wrong way! Its not right.

As for the poster who says that her DD's friend and grandma decided to walk all over her when attempting to discipline her DD in her own home. Next time, smile sweetly and open the door for them to leave while saying "thanks for kindly purchasing that dress for DD, however she knew I had told her she was not permitted anything new. As her mother I get to make that decision, just like I do about her safety and needing to know where she is for several hours after school. That is not a game, she could have been in trouble for all I knew and DD knows the rules. See you"

They do NOT get to rudely assume they can dominate your decisions and most certainly not in your own home and when DD has broken your rules. They can get lost.

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Thu, 02/28/2013 - 12:09pm

You lost me at SS's creepy behavior!! What the hell??? I know it's not easy to hear, but I KNOW you would be much happier without the stress of skids. I would be so pissed if a skid was doing something deliberately to upset my son! Sweetheart, this situation sounds AWFUL! Your #1 priority and responsibility is your son and yourself. Please get away from that obnoxious place with that creepy SS!!