DH Enlightenment about me (kinda long)
The ride home from work today turned out to be enlightening for DH. Occasionally I'll tell him about some of the things I read and my thoughts on those things and then we get to talking about his kids. I can honestly say that my relationship with his kids are pretty decent; it's the BM's that get me up in arms.
The topic that directed the conversation started with discussing Proud_Arrow's blog entry about getting her SS a cell phone. We had already gotten SS a cell phone a couple years ago because we were moving out of state and DH wanted direct contact with SS. So the conversation kept going and he was talking about SD15 getting upset because the few times she's tried to contact SS8 (half-siblings), it went straight to voicemail, meaning the phone was either dead or off. DH said that SD told him she and SS texted back and forth occasionally, which shocked DH. I told him it was interesting that she would complain about SS not answering text messages when she was just as guilty. I had sent her a couple text messages a few weeks ago and no response. And then I said "I guess I'm different." DH says "WTF? You need to stop visiting that site (meaning ST) - it's putting ideas in your head." I said back "No, i will not stop visiting ST because it's my only "out" - i don't smoke or drink, my family and friends don't understand, you don't want to listen, so I go somewhere where I can vent my frustration, get feedback from people who actually understand my feelings. You are NOT taking this from me!"
After a few miles of silence, he finally breaks the silence with saying that he doesn't want XW#1, XW#2, SD or SS to "interfere" with our lives. I told him that the SK's were not an "interference" -- they were a part of our lives just as much as BD2 is - its just that there are things that are said and done that go over your head and I catch and it upsets me but you don't understand -- so i go to the people who understand.
So a few more miles of silence (haha, we have an hour long drive), he says "I didn't realize how much you cared about what happened with my kids. I'm sorry for not understanding."
AHA! Flicker goes the lightbulb. Finally, he gets it!
Thank you fellow STers for helping me deal with life.
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Comments
Thanks for the suggestion -
Thanks for the suggestion - i'll definitely check the book out.
Yeah, I understand that SD does not consider me part of her "inside" circle. I venture to guess she doesn't really consider DH there either. Based on my prior blogs, i believe she considers her XSF more of an insider than her own blood. I'm anxious to check out this book.
I tell DH about this site and
I tell DH about this site and what I have learned... he is glad I have this outlet.
I told him that DH stands for Dear husband, or Dickhead... He said, I bet I have been a dickhead a few times...
Yeah, i've told DH about the
Yeah, i've told DH about the site too and some of the issues going on. He doesn't really seem to think much of it until I start talking about some of my thoughts about the SKs, then he gets upset. BUT, now that he understands how much it helps me deal with my issues, he's geting better. Today was definitely a step in the right direction.
Strangely enough dh and I had
Strangely enough dh and I had a convo about steptalk last night as well-he said that I needed to stop coming here because it just adds fuel to the fire. I explained to him that i had to censor everything I say to ss and everything i say about ss to him or anyone and that I need someone to talk to who understands what are sometimes just ordinary everyday frustrations and sometimes bigger issues. I guess he saw a post on here that i made about ss's hygiene. and he pointed out that bs's hygiene wasnt exactly awesome. I told him the difference is if my son stinks I will tell him exactly that and make him go shower. If ss stinks well, it would be wrong for me to tell him that or tell him what to do and if i go to dh and tell him ss stinks well then I am picking on him or trying to get him in trouble or some other sort of nonsense. I also told him if he (dh) said my bs stinks, i would most likely agree and tell him to go shower. I dont understand how they just dont seem to get the incredible double standard that exists-I am glad your dh seemed to get things.
I'm glad he's understaanding
I'm glad he's understaanding - it makes things much easier. And I told him that when things come up, we discuss them and he lets them go, but i don't - whether because i think there's more to it or i disagree with his approach to dealing with it. But i know "nagging" him about things only makes him mad and makes things miserable. So, i've found my outlet.
I think DH thinks this site puts ideas in my head. I told him that this site validates the thoughts that are already in my head by making me realize i am not alone and the issues we deal with are not normal and in some cases, unacceptable. I also told him that I get different ideas and perspectives on how to deal with certain things that come up. Before I sat away and dwelled in my thoughts and concerns because i didn't have anyone to talk to who truly understood....now, i feel much more confident in dealing with certain situations pertaining to the kids and the BMs, so thanks to all who have supported me.