Should I let BM know?
So I think just about everyone knows about my SS's behavior. DH finally broke down and told BM that SS was bad (the porn ordeal). But DH refuses to tell her anything else. Hopefully I will be in my new apartment soon and I want to call BM and talk to her about SS's behaviors and explain that he really needs help. I know she knows SS needs help but since DH has hid all of SS's issues over the years, she has NO CLUE what has been going on with him. It is not a bash SS session, I really do want this child to get some help, he really needs it. Should I just cut my losses and not worry anymore or should I give BM a warning? I don't think she would have taken the therapy thing so lightly had she of known what was going on in our home. I know it won't be any of my business anymore, I just think someone should know the truth. To give this boy a chance, because at the rate he's going, he's not going to have much of a futre. It seems like DH has been giving everyone the impression that SS is an angel and that I am overreacting to SS's behaviors. Give me your honest opinion. I have always thought BM should know whats going on.
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I guess I should add...BM
I guess I should add...BM stopped being such a deadbeat once she realized DH and I were having problems. Isn't that convenient? So Im sure once I leave, she will be a bigger part of SS's life (which is the reason I want her to know).
What's the worst thing that
What's the worst thing that can come out of you calling BM to tell her your concerns? Maybe disappointment on your part that she won't take it as seriously as you think it should be taken? Small price to pay.
What's the BEST thing? SS eventually has his behavior confronted by all the adults in his life that care about him and he gets help.
I say go for it.
In my fantasy world, that
In my fantasy world, that would happen..."SS eventually has his behavior confronted by all the adults in his life that care about him and he gets help." And thats what I hope for.
Emotionally everything is
Emotionally everything is going to suck for a little while, but at least I would know that I did everything I could to try to help SS.
It wasn't always terror. SS
It wasn't always terror. SS and I were really close for the first 2 years and I miss that. He had issues then too but he wasnt acting out as much, he wasn't so angry. Im not sure what happened. I just want him to grow up happily.
I would rather do it ASAP
I would rather do it ASAP after I move out, that way I can just be done with them all and know I tried, then I could recover and not worry about it.
I agree. If you're going to
I agree. If you're going to have it on your "to do" list, get it done. No reason to hang onto those ties any longer than absolutely necessary.
I would just let it be. She
I would just let it be. She is probable just going to blame you either way. If you tell her, it is your fault. If you don't tell her then, it is your fault. I have decided that it is almost better when they find out on their own when their little angels are really lying little devils.
I don't even want a reaction.
I don't even want a reaction. I just want her to know in case she decides to step up and actually help her child, because DH isn't.
You are absolutely right that
You are absolutely right that they need to find out on their own that SS isn't acting right. DH doesn't do anything until something affects him directly. I looked at it like...its all going to be my fault anyway, so why not tell?
In my opinion, if your
In my opinion, if your concern lies with SS, there's really nothing to lose in giving BM a head up on the issues her son is having that your DH hasn't discussed with her. She can't help him if she doesn't know. SS may not get the help either way, but the possibility isn't even there if BM is unaware of the issues.
This is exactly the way I see
This is exactly the way I see it.
The reason this has came to
The reason this has came to mind because DH told BM about SS watching porn and she stated that she didn't want to hear anymore about it and said that she was scared that SS is already going to disrespect women and DH told her that thats already the case and told her about the spitting in my brush incident and she went off on SS. I asked DH to tell her about it in April (when it happened) but he didn't. I feel if she knew how angry and disrespectful he is, she would help. If she knew that he is writing books about shooting people and control and taking a razor to the bathroom wall, I think she would do something and not shrug it off as DH has. The child is 10. Why wait until he does something "major"? I just think she should know in a non threatening, no accusatory way.
Granted, I'm not a BM, but I
Granted, I'm not a BM, but I like to think that if I was I'd want someone to let me know what was going on with my child.