2 Days Left
I know all the signs are there and I know in my head I am doing the right thing, my heart just isn't with my head yet. I am starting to panic and second guess myself. DH doesn't want to work things out if I move. I understand, but he also says he understands why I need to leave. I am so scared that I am going to leave and have made the wrong decision because I do love my husband very much. Im scared that he really is going to change and that I am going to miss out on him.
2 days ago he said something that struck me funny. He said he didn't know what he was going to do when Im gone, that SS is bad and that if he is that bad with 2 adults in the house, how is going to be when I leave? DH goes on to say that he is ready to send SS to BM's or DH's Mom's in Oklahoma AFTER I leave. I am not that woman to give the ultimatum (its me or your son), but if you are planning on doing this AFTER I leave, why not do it now to make me stay? I didn't say that of course, but thats how I view it. Does that make sense?
I feel so sick. I am so upset. My body can't take this anymore. I hope once Im out Ill feel better. I hope that I've made the right decision.
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Comments
You poor thing. What a mess.
You poor thing. What a mess. Why would he send him away AFTER you leave...?
I hope it all works well for you!
See, that makes no damn sense
See, that makes no damn sense to me. DH is part of the problem don't get me wrong, but if he wasn't there, DH and I would be fine.
I'm sad for you but I think
I'm sad for you but I think you are doing the right thing ! It seem pretty telling that once you are gone and he has to deal with his son on his own he thinks he won't be able to handle it.
I agree and I have left that
I agree and I have left that crack in the door. Hell, Im willing to work it out, just not in the same house.
what an asshole! he is
what an asshole! he is considering sending ss away after u leave? i agree with your view, why wouldnt he do it to make u stay?
honestly, u probably should have said that to him. if that arrangement is already in his head, he cant blame u if u encourage it. i assume ss is the main reason u are leaving?
i hope u feel better soon hun.
Here's the thing, if I told
Here's the thing, if I told him that, he would do it and blame me, even though in reality he wanted to do it anyway. He is already blaming me that we have SS. He said he wouldn't have even went after custody if it weren't for me...WTF???!!! As I remember I said "Ill support any decision you make" and gave him the number to a good lawyer because he needed help finding a lawyer!!! So he will just resent me if I "support" his decision AGAIN.
SS is the main reason Im leaving but in the last 2 months I realized alot of it has to do with DH's parenting.
I know exactly what you mean.
I know exactly what you mean. I've been "DONE" before. I think alot of it is the fact that I did take vows and made a promise and I am not keeping that promise. I want my DH 100%, I just don't know if I can live with SS. I know it sounds ridiculous, but the child doesn't like me, I don't trust him, and to be quite honest, Im a little scared of him. There is always tension and fighting in the house because of SS and I can't deal with all of that anymore. If DH told me today that SS was going back to live with BM, I would stay. I know thats horrible, but thats how I feel.
SS is not your
SS is not your responsibility!!! Who gives a _____ if SS misbehaves when you leave. DH just proved he's not going to parent and change by saying that comment about SS's behavior with two adults in the house. Girl, you're going to be so much better off. Remember what you said about if you're meant to be, you will be. But, you leaving now, has to be about you. When you go, find something to do anytime you start wondering if he's different. Remember that people don't change overnight, and if he isn't willing to fix it now or several months ago, and you're gone, he's not going to have any incentive to change. I hop for his sake, he does, but you can't bank on that. You deserve way better than a gamble. Hang in there. CG once said to me "Don't fret about tomorrow. Breathe. Just get through today."
Thanks, I do keep reminding
Thanks, I do keep reminding myself that if we are meant to be we will be. I guess because its so close I am panicking.
I know that feeling well.
I know that feeling well. Just get through today. You will be ok, even when you think you won't be, you will be.
I don't like it that he said
I don't like it that he said he wouldn't work on things if you left! Hello, emotional blackmail! From what you have said, your SS is violent. Slashing walls. What's next? Someone's throat? It does happen, read the news.
A great book on emotional blackmail is by Susan Forward--she talks about Fear Obligation and Guilt -- when you feel the FOG you are getting snowed!
I used to worry about that--my ex changing after I left him--but then I realized--ain't going to happen! People are who they are. Yeah, they can change, but I have yet to see a manipulator and/or abuser do so. He will be exactly the same in the next relationship, believe me.
If you go he loses his son
If you go he loses his son because he HAS to send him away. So it is still your fault. BAER!
Move on with your life. If he wants to be with you he will find you. I just wonder if it would be too late.