Alot of my friends and family have these more simple lives W/o BMs or all the baggage and I admit that I am a little jealous that they can plan things without looking to see who's week it is or deal with all the drama and crap that comes with being a step parent especially if you are really involved with your SKs but when my 14Y/o sd has those moments of forgetting that shes a teen-ager and says these sweet little things about how happy she is to have me around it makes me realize that I've stayed all this time not to spite BM (as much as shes said thats why)not even out of obligation to anyone but because as simple as my life would be W/O all the hassels it would be so much less W/O SD. And I remind myself that BM has such a limitted time to screw with us since after 18 we only have to see her for big days and after learning to deal with her together the day-to-day stuff seems really easy now. Good luck and I do think you are brave for being the Stepparent to so many children.

...but I'm pretty good at pointing out the obvious!

THERE ARE SEVEN ABLE BODIES, OTHER THAN YOURS AND DH'S, SLEEPING SOUNDLY WHILE YOU'RE FRETTING ABOUT HOUSEWORK! THIS IS WRONG!

Put 'em to work! We did chores as kids. There's no reason why our kids can't do them, too. My husband eyeballs our son every spring, just waiting and watching until he's finally old enough to cut grass! Our son has a list of chores: clean room, make bed, unload dishwasher, feed and water dog, take out bathroom trash, put away clean clothes, babysit smaller sister as needed. Our daughter is only four, but when we're already teaching her to clean up after herself. I can tell her to put her toys in the toybox, put her dolls in her playhouse, put her dirty clothes in the laundry, etc. and she'll do it. You're taking on way too much. They are your stepchildren, not visiting royalty. PUT THEM TO WORK!

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

Here's my take on it... don't do anything, literally. Stop and take a vacation...'Until further notice, I am on vacation...'

It's a hard hitting statement to make, and some people won't be able to handle the crap that it will unfold, but actions speak louder than words.

Stop doing the laundry. If someone runs to you because they have ran out of clothes... 'funny you should mention that, the washing machine is available'. 'What?!?!? You don't say the dishes are dirty and there isn't any clean ones in the cupboard?! OH MY GOD!!!! Guess, you'll have to wash some dishes.' 'What is that? Can't find what? Hmmm guess it wasn't important enough for you to keep tabs on huh?'

I did draw the line on the bathroom that I used however... but that was about it. I literally stop doing things, I washed my clothes, folded them and put them away, I washed one plate, cup, fork, spoon, knife and cup, put them away... figured, that was my contribution.

Today, if I stop doing things around the house, my DH notices and he gets the hint really fast. Like today, he's actually starting to help with the laundry, and he put his clothes away... mind you, they were sitting folded in our livingroom chair for two weeks. I did the courtesy of cleaning them, folding them, he can at least put them away... so, they sat there, and sat, and sat... today, he actually picked them up, put them away. Sometimes, you have to STOP talking/nagging, and just leave it. When they say something about it, I just am as sweet as pie and smile and just say, would you please to o this or that, or leave it. To me, it's about picking my battles. So, instead of battling, duking it out, or b!tch-n-moan about it, I literally will just take action about it. Put something in someone's hands and off I go.

For the kids, you need to instill a chore chart with goals attached to it, so that they are interested in actually doing the chore given. You need to find for each kid, an motivation interest/gadget. Money, hobby, item, etc. Even something as simple as putting a star next to a name, and if you get so many stars, you get this amount. If someone misbehaves, doesn't do it, they don't get a star. If they are really out of line, take a star away... but be sure to give plenty of warnings, it's not fair to give one warning, than take a star away from them at the drop of a hat... instead, give say 3 warning, than take that star away etc.

Second, with that many kids, you NEED TO GET ORGANIZED!!! Hell, get organized happy... put labels on things, make things easy to locate, and find. The simpler the system you get, the better the kids will react and understand and ACTUALLY do things. But the key is you have to give them acknowledgment for doing it in the first place.

Second, you HAVE to make time for yourself. I've said this time in and time out on this post to so many other poster, but it is so essential. Even if it's a half hour each day, do something for you... get a hobby, sit down, when someone comes up to you screaming that they need this or that... Sorry, but I am busy. They will learn soon enough that they need to handle the task themselves when you are 'in your zone'. The other thing, take a bubble bath, pamper yourself, lock the bathroom door, zone everyone out who comes knocking... it's your time, they will learn that soon enough. Go watch tv in your bedroom, lock the door, read, etc... you get the picture. When you can breath a little easier, you'll be able to think a little clearer.

Best of luck. I've been reading your posts. You seriously need to relax and take some time out for yourself. You're in the right place, and venting it here is just one step in the right direction. There are a lot of ladies here who are very supportive, and give great advice. You're among friends.

P.S. I am responding with a general response to several of your posts here...

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...