You're fighting ghosts. Makes you uncomfortable and you can't really say anything 'cause she's dead. And griping about it doesn't win you points,'cause she's dead. And dh doesn't get why you feel invaded, cause she's dead

Yeah, got clothes of DH's first wife/bm/ghost in a closet somewhere.

It will take another 5 years to get rid of the mule

Fun fun fun

These are very tough situations. I think he should be able to keep his pictures but not display them in the house. And her stuff... I think I might let that go.

I had a very good friend that I got into relationship with twice. He died tragically and I still have some of his stuff and pics of him, etc.... But I don't keep it anywhere where FDH could see it. He doesn't need to live with the ghost of someone I loved. But your situation is a little tougher in that they were married. It's sad. I'd try to strike up a compromise for now.

My first dh is deceased. He is also the father of my two oldest children-but he died when they were very young. I don't really "display" anything from our 7 year relationship with the exception of a clock that he made that sits downstairs in our living room. I do have some guitars/various instruments of his in our bedroom right now as well-these were stored elsewhere-but in the last year we have moved a lot of stuff around and generally just don't have anywhere else to put them at the moment. They are not displayed or anything, but rather just sitting in the corner against the wall. Eventually I will probably take them to our storage unit once we get it cleaned out.

There are also some ornaments that came from my time with him. Including one that says "Our first xmas" with the date. I put it on our tree every year-current dh and I have been together for 13 years. I have tons and tons of pics, but those are put up in photo albums. Other personal items have since passed to my children and they keep them in their rooms.

So now that I actually sit and think of it, there are more items in my house than I thought from my first dh and our time together. I am, in no way, carrying a torch for him. He was a lovely man, but really rather troubled. I don't think about it often as it was a difficult time in my life. What may make things different for me-is that he is the father of my two kids. That is why I have kept all of these things.

I don't believe it bothers my current dh. At least not from the WIFE perspective. He acutally gets more jealous of the FATHER thing. My youngest was only 9 months when he died and actually forgets that he has another father other than dh. He never talks about him, asks questions, nada. But my oldest was 2. She has no real memories, but has had questions over the years, and has about 3 small photos of him displayed in her room. She has been told the truth about him-that he was a good man but with a lot of problems. My current dh does get jealous of this actually more than anything. he's been her father for almost 14 years-it's hard for him to see past his hurt emotions and realize that what she is doing is pretty normal.

I would suggest you simply talk to your dh and ask WHY he displays these things. Some guys, frankly, are totally ignorant and he may see it as a "waste" to get rid of these things when they are perfectly usable. Or he may still be carrying a torch. I would also let him know how you feel about it and ask him if he can suggest a solution.

It's the relationship that didn't go south. It never had a chance to fully bloom. In his mind. Probably why he's holding on so hard. And it is crazy making!!!!!

The teaching supplies, need to go. I'm not kidding about 5 years to get rid of the mule. Can the cross accidentally fall off the wall, n'er to be hung again? Gravity can ruin the best of hanger thingy's.

Slowly move things out or put them up.

When we first got married, there were alot references to dead bm. The crazy part is they were divorced and he was married to #2 when she died. I'm #3. So all the sad face about the death of the 'love of his life' got real annoying. Dead BM became Saint BM. More annoying when you figure out BM had poor impulse control when it came to men. Blecch. Her clothes were in our closet. I would put them in spare closet, but they would miraculously reappear in our closet. Thank you ysd.

After about 5 years that died down. It gets better.

Divorce is by choice, whereas death is not. IMO photos of ex-wife around house (except for in kid's bedroom) no way. Photos of deceased spouse, ok, just kept in album (in the den on the bookshelf, in the keepsake trunk...anywhere but my bedroom and the living room).

Rocking donkey? I can't say I've ever seen one of those. I might be able to live with it if it was displayed in the corner of DH's computer room or something like that. My living room? No. I think I could move pass who it belonged to, but rocking anything solely ornamental in my living room is not happening. Every one changes décor now and then. Seriously, who has the exact same look everywhere in their home they did 10yrs ago? 5yrs? I think the cross would follow the donkey. Candy dish follows the other two items. SO can nibble candy while he surfs the web. If he doesn't have a computer room/den, create him one in one of the spare bedrooms. Heck the guy can even hang a deer head on the wall in there if he likes that sort of thing. I'm flexible

It'd be totally ok if a SO/DH decorated his home during the time he lived by himself, of course. Move a female in and things don't stay the same. It's only natural. Even if guy's décor was totally only his and never 'hers' or 'theirs' , when one begins a new relationship and moves someone in to be their partner, things change. Two people to consider now. If the guy has a ugly sofa and a mismatched/uncoordinated furnishings , he can bet , move me in and it isn't staying that way. That's not a 'power' issue, that's common sense.