When is it time for anti-depressants? help :(

Hi guys,

So, although I obsessively read every blog here, I really don't post very often, especially after my SO and I broke up last year. Under a different name I did ask for and receive some awesome "Stepmom" support over the years. But I have a question and this is a very wise group of people.

So my ex and I broke up a while ago. At first we stayed very close friends, in hindsight we were far too enmeshed with one another. I also still saw his girls frequently who I absolutely love to pieces (I seriously lucked out in the skid department. There was a mountain of genuine love and respect and true friendship there). Then things fell apart in a big way. He had some kind of break down, wanted to get back together and when I wasn't able to do that he began borderline stalking me. He phoned my friends (some of whom he didn't even know) and family and told them all that he had nothing to live for without me, etc etc. He phoned my Mom and had a detailed, dated spreadsheet of every minute we had spent together since we had broken up, he started leaving boxes of my belongings on my doorstep and watching me from down the street while I collected them. He forbade me any contact with his daughters and then told them horrible, vicous lies about me, I could go on and on and on. Needless to say my anxiety was through the roof. My blood pressure went from low to dangerously high, I went months without really sleeping, I was constantly looking over my shoulder, I was an absolute wreck.

Finally, at the end of February I took care of the last thing that needed to be taken care of which was getting my furniture and belongings out of his house and into storage. He held back a lot of my things, just to be combative and try to stretch out the entire process and as a result I walked away from a lot of things that I had collected over the years. In my mind, I had no choice, I had to stop any ongoing communication with this person, even if I only walked away with the clothes on my back.

The thing is, while I knew it wasn't going to be easy, I had expected to gradually start to feel better after all of this was resolved. I hoped to begin the grieving process properly and start to move on with my life.

But I'm just a mess. I feel like I'm dying. I'm sinking further and further into depression and I don't see any way out of it. It's like sliding down the side of a huge pit that has no bottom and all I see around me is blackness. I cry all the time, which is weird because often I don't even feel "sad' exactly. I feel empty and bereft and useless and beyond redemption. I am not thinking of hurting myself but I also feel like it would be no big loss to anyone if I did.
I have dealt with depression before. I had a painful divorce awhile back and I have had 2 miscarriages (never managed to carry to term), but it's never been like this.
I am trying everything I can think of to help myself. i am taking plenty of B and D vitamins, exercising when I can, I am speaking to a counsellor. But I am wondering if I should consider talking to my Dr about an anti-depressant. if this is just a situational/temporary thing then I would rather not, but I am starting to wonder if it is necessary.

What do you all think? What is your opinion on when to use medication and when to tough it out and carry on?
Any advice at all is greatly appreciated.

Oh Margie's blog
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Unfortunately, I don't have

Unfortunately, I don't have any experience with anti-depressants or depression. However, you should still speak to your doctor. I hope you feel better. No one deserves to go thru these emotions alone.

Actually, I think it's

Actually, I think it's FORTUNATE that you don't have experience with this
You have been through enough girl! Thanks for your words of support.

I think medication could be a

I think medication could be a big help. This is the same as any other medical issue and there should be no stigma in needing medical help. Sometimes things just get really unbalanced and you need help getting them fixed. I could not have pulled things together after my son was born without medication. He was born early and was in the NICU and I was also admitted to the hospital for heart issues. I was a real mess emotionally. They put me on Zoloft and it really helped. A few months later my doctor told me how to cut back and then stop it.

I hope your son is all right

I hope your son is all right now?
Thank you, that's good to know. If you don't mind my asking, how long did it take for the Zoloft to start to help you?

Thanks everyone. While I am

Thanks everyone. While I am managing at work, it's definitely a struggle. I do spend a lot of time crying uselessly in the bathroom.

Yes, Margie, I think it's

Yes, Margie, I think it's time to talk to the doctor about that. If nothing else is working for you, it's time. Been there, done that and, if the prescription is right for you, it will help.
Wish you all the best!

I'd talk to your doctor.

I'd talk to your doctor. There are many different faces to depression. You may be experiencing "situational" depression which is so normal after a loss/life change etc. Or, maybe it's hormones or hypothyroid or a million other things.

It actually makes sense that now, when you're finally done with the relationship, you might experience some depression with the absence of conflict ...

Good luck.

That's very wise Indigo and

That's very wise Indigo and honestly, I think you're exactly right. when my ex and I "really" broke up (what I think of as our real break-up; after I said no to getting back together and he decided he couldn't have any contact with me at all and we could no longer be friends, etc) I think I was never given a chance to really feel sad because he launched into his campaign of emotional terrorism and I was on high alert and absolutely panicked and anxious for 4 months.

Part of me fully expected to really feel an rush of grief and heartbreak once I had the time and space to really experience things, because up until then I was running around putting out fires and reacting all the time. I guess I'm just concerned that it seems to be getting worse and not better. but maybe I am being too impatient.

Thanks so much everyone for

Thanks so much everyone for your kindness in responding. I will talk to my Dr. She is generally very conservative about prescribing medication and I know she is going to try and encourage me to stick it out a little bit longer but I should at least let her know what's going on...

Please go see a psychiatrist

Please go see a psychiatrist instead of your regular doctor. A psychiatrist is much more likely to be up on the latest research and will have a stronger knowledge of the different kinds of medications available. A psychiatrist will also be better at finding the right drug for you and your circumstances.

You have stuck it out for long enough. Clearly you are not feeling better, you are feeling worse. It is better to reverse the depression with drugs no, rather then go further down the hole. Then it takes that much longer to get better. Some anti-depressants can take 8 weeks or more to really make a difference.

In the mean time, try and exercise in some way every day. There is strong research that shows exercise can be as helpful as drugs in some cases of depression.

Hang in there - it will get better.

I had the perfect storm of

I had the perfect storm of life events toss me into a situational depression. Bless my psydoc for putting me on antidepressants. As he put it - they're a hammock for you while you recalibrate your internal landscape. It was very helpful. Most antidepressants will have a therapeutic effect by 6 weeks but some people experience almost immediate relief. Talk to your doc about what your needs are. Good luck and remember you won't always feel this way. Even untreated depression is often self limited. But talk to your doc about options and give yourself time convalescencing from (what sounds like ) a pretty rough experience.