Now she wants to make amends.
BF and BM had a long-overdue and much-needed talk last night. Originally it started out with her wanting to switch weekends because SS is sick. They got that straightened out, and then of course she started to talk about other things. BF decided to humor her (finally) and gave her the answers she had been wanting for so long on some questions she had. She ended up sobbing and crying. He got the chance to yell at her and ask her what the hell was wrong with her and set her straight on a lot of things. She told him she just wanted for the three of us to drop all of our legal stuff and be civil. He then went off about everything she's done to the two of us and asked her to explain how that was being civil. He basically got to let her know exactly how he feels about her and everything she's done to him and me, and when she tried to argue or justify herself he called her on her BS. At one point she called him "hun" again. He said "Don't call me that." She said it was just an expression and she says it all the time so she doesn't pay attention to when she says it. He said "I don't care what it is, when you talk to me you are going to be aware of what you say and how you say it." I was so proud of him! I think the biggest reason why she is still flipping out and still feels the need to talk to him came out at the most emotional part of her conversation. She asked him, "Why weren't you just honest with me from the beginning?" She means when she thinks that BF and I started dating, while they were still married. She still to this day, years later, thinks that he was cheating on her with me. Now we did get together before they were divorced but not until they were seperated and she knew about that and we have always been honest about when we got together. But she still thinks that I stole him from her and I think that's the root of all our problems. They got to hash out a lot of old arguments and I think they've needed to do this for a long time.
I could go on and on, because the conversation lasted almost 2 hours. But the bottom line is that she says that all three of us need to drop all of our legal stuff and start to work together like mature adults for the sake of SS's best interest. He said that it's interesting how she can bring us to court whenever she wants and that's all fine and dandy but it's awful convenient that now at the 11th hour before their criminal court hearing on phone harrassment she's begging for a truce. He told her that she needed to clean up her crap on the internet that she'd posted about him and me as a first gesture and then we'd talk about making amends.
I'm really glad that they had this talk. They both really needed it. Hopefully they'll both come out of it better off and things will get better for all of us. But I still am very skeptical of this woman and her wants for a truce. Of course she wants us to drop our court stuff. But every time this has happened in the past she's played nice just long enough for us to let a little bit of our guard down, and then she attacks again. I don't trust her and I never will, but I agree with her that we need to be able to communicate about SS like adults and it would be easier on everyone if the court stuff wasn't in the way. I just don't know what to think. I don't want to drop my restraining order but all it did was make things worse really. What do you all think?
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I think you should proceed with CAUTION!
I have been lurking around here for quite some time Nymph, and didn't BM pull this once before? I could be mistaken but I thought that she had begged you to drop some sort of court action a few months back and then she promptly turned right around and stabbed you in the back.
You sound a lot like me in that you truly want to give this woman the benefit of the doubt, I am always doing that and I regret to say that 9 out of 10 times I get played for a fool.
I hope this isn't the case for you, nonetheless I would not drop anything right now as BM needs to prove that her intentions are true. I hate to say it but something stinks here and I don't trust her.
That's where I'm at
Yes, she has bit us hard for dropping things in the past and trying to work with her. I think that perhaps I will let her and my BF try to work things out for a while, and keep my RO until I've been convinced that she's for real.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Nymh
I hope that she is on the up and up. I wouldn't let my guard down just yet.
You're right about it being awful convenient timing!
Dawn
Good idea,
and honestly, it sounds as if she on a bipolar up.
I don't even know if she has bipolar, but her ups and downs are just insane. Its as though she realizes that her behavior is wrong one day yet the very next day she can't refrain herself from repeating the same behavior!
It really would be best if she and dh could get along, but theres only so much he (and you) can do and she has to be willing to do her part, and honestly I don't think shes there.
Your last post spoke of her recently stalking you but now she wants to be friendly? It really just sounds like she is off her meds.
Yeah
I don't know if it was really stalking, I just found it creepy that she felt the need to point out the fact that she saw us several times in the grocery store when we had no idea she was even there. The whole situation was very creepy to me.
I don't know what to do. I think the best thing is just to wait and see what happens. Will she just swing back down to her normal self and start harassing and cussing and name calling and suing us left and right again? How can I know for sure...
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
she sounds crazy
i would stick to my guns personally. if she has already shown that she can't be trusted, it might be stupid of us to take her at her word again, you know? i mean, i am like you all, in that i want to believe the very best in people but once they show their true colors, i proceed with extreme caution. if, at the very least, you decide to drop the court actions, i would definitely keep the r.o. she has definitely deserved that! i forget the details of your story but how long has it been since they divorced? she sounds like she is obsessed, much like my bb...
always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.
Proceed with caution
Past behavior is the biggest indicator of future behavior. If she has done this before (being nice to avoid getting in trouble) I would really watch your back. She would have to go to great lengths to prove to me that she is sincere.
While I think it's great...
that your BF finally got to say all the things that needed to be said to her, face-to-face, at the same time, if I was in this same situation, I wouldn't let my guard down even for a nano second.
The reason why I say this is, it sounds like she's trying to get you to withdraw the reason for the latest trip to court. She's got to realize that there are consequences to her actions. If you withdraw, then she'll always think that she can manipulate you over and over like this to get her way and that if it ever gets to the same point again in the future, all she has to do is turn on the waterworks. Also, chances are she'll go back to her bipolar behavior very quickly right after she gets her way...She sounds like a small child in the sense that every time something doesn't go her way, she makes a big stink until she gets her way whether it be manipulating you and your BF or the court system. If she has a tantrum because she's not getting her way? Too bad! The world doesn't revolve around you BM!
Don't let her manipulate you. This is manipulation at it's BEST! Do you see what I'm getting at here? It's all about her being able to manipulate the situation to suit HER needs and nobody elses. Don't fall for the sob story that she's obviously pulling..."oh, whoa is me". For example, (and I don't know why she's bringing it up now after how long?)if you've always stood by the truth of how you and BF got together, then she's going to have to find a way to come to terms with it. She needs to GET over it; it's really none of her business anyway, especially after all the time that has passed. Doesn't she see that after all this time, you guys are STILL TOGETHER and that her crap hasn't torn you apart? There's a reason why you're still together: because you're mature adults that's why!
There's also a reason why the relationship between your BF and the BM ended: because it obviously wasn't meant to be.
To me, it sounds like she really doesn't give a hoot about your SS in the very least, just herself and she'll do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to get her way, no matter who it hurts including you and SS and BF. It's a control issue and she sounds like a HUGE CONTROL FREAK at best.
I know I must be rambling, but that's how I see it...just my two cents...
Nymh
I have to agree with everyone here. Just wait. She really does have a screw loose and she needs to be put in check.
As far as DH and her arguing about her hurt feelings in the PAST - she needs to let it go and move on!!!! Their soured relationship has nothing to do with the present task at hand....their son. So hopefully after the two of them being able to "hash it out" will put this all to rest just like she says she wants. Maybe she will grow up and get over it instead of wasting all her time and energy worried about the two of you.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
I Think she will say anything right now
I personally feel that to stay out jail she will say anything to cover her behind. BD and her working things out is GREAT but she did commit a criminal offense and she needs to be punished, I think you need to see your end though OTHERWISE you are showing her that that your bark is bigger than your bite.
"Some of the things you HEAR about me COULD be true BUT they could also be as FAKE as that BITCH that told them to you!"
I think most of us have already fallen for this....
more than once with our BM's...it doesn't work. Stay strong and stick to your guns. Trying to work together works wonderful in the very beginning, but now it sounds as though things have gotten out of hand for quite sometime. If they have caused too many problems in the past, there is obviously something unstable about them and they can change their hats at any moment. I personally feel she will try something in the very near future if you's don't follow through with this court case.